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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep this school cardigan - even though I know it isn't mine?

61 replies

unlucky83 · 01/04/2014 13:27

Looked everywhere online for suitable cardigans for DD2 (not the official ones - she has one and won't wear it ).
Eventually 3 weeks ago I found some suitable ones in an Asda store...I bought 2...
As things have been coming out of the tumble I've been naming them with biro on the label...(I bought lots of new bits for both DCs)
Came across one of the new cardigans with no name on - named it thinking a bit odd cos I thought I'd done them both at same time. It is exactly the same as the ones I bought for DD2 - new, same size etc...
DD2 has a habit of leaving them at school - I get a pile home every few days off the back of her chair...but now she is on holiday and they are all here I realise she now 3 of these cardigans - one of them isn't mine!
I know a first world problem ...but ...

Part of me thinks it will be a real hassle and fuss to find who out who it belongs to, apologise for labelling it as DD2s etc, etc . It was only about £5. And it wasn't named.

Part of me feels guilty because it was such a struggle to get them (all usual places were out of stock in her size and colour). And it is stealing really not to return it

And I'm worried I'll have a reputation anyway - as I was sorting out the old cardigans I found one that looked small and worn out - checked the label to find it was named as a classmate's - class they were in 2 yrs ago -don't know how long I'd had it - did return it with an apology...not directly to the mother though (doesn't do school run) ...

I'm thinking keep it - to avoid hassle and embarrassment - AIBU?

OP posts:

elahrairahforprimeminister · 01/04/2014 13:29

Yes, YABU!

That's a child's cardigan!

ihatethecold · 01/04/2014 13:30

That's awful.
What's wrong with you.
FFS

ThinkFirst · 01/04/2014 13:31

Yes, YABU, it's stealing. How would you feel if it had been your DDs clothes that were taken and kept by someone else? What's so embarrassing about taking it into the school office and saying your DD took it home by mistake, it happens all the time.

capsium · 01/04/2014 13:31

If you feel guilty cut the label out and hand it in?

Someone else can retrieve it from lost property then. However they may not be the correct owner. Tbh is an unnamed item of my DC's went missing I would just chalk it down to experience.

MaxsMummy2012 · 01/04/2014 13:31

Like you said "it's stealing". YABU.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 01/04/2014 13:32

What hassle? Just take it back to school, give it in at reception and say sorry, you thought it was yours then realised it wasn't. There's no shame in that, I really don't think they are going to get the shooting squad after you.

YWBU to keep it, it belongs to someone else.

CocktailQueen · 01/04/2014 13:32

YABU!! It's stealing. Give it to your dd's teacher and ask her to find out whose it is.

specialsubject · 01/04/2014 13:34

it isn't yours. Therefore to keep it is theft.

just take it back, say it ended up with you by mistake (true), you labelled it by mistake (true) and handed in. Then you've done nothing wrong.

end of, really.

oh, and if your daughter doesn't have to wear a cardigan don't make her. As she clearly doesn't wear it in school, she doesn't need it. Presumably she has a coat for travelling to and from?

PfftTheMagicDraco · 01/04/2014 13:35

It's tricky as it has no name in it. Without a name it won't be claimed and either given away to charity, recycled, or put in the schools uniform collection. However, I think you still have to give it back.

We have lost countless jumpers, cardigans, all sorts, all of which have been labelled - that other children have picked up, taken home and never been returned. DS had another child pick up his badged school jumper the other week, and we havent seen it since. It was named, it cost £14 (I can't afford to replace it) and now someone has an extra because they dont want to bring it back.

BornToFolk · 01/04/2014 13:36

I don't get why it would be embarrassing to return it? Just hand it back to teacher, or the office, saying "this turned up at home, but it's not DD's, even though I labelled it has hers by mistake" Maybe attach a label to it saying "does NOT belong to unlucky's DD" in case it makes its way back to you?

goldenlula · 01/04/2014 13:37

You would be very unreasonable. Why would you even consider it? I can only think you have never had this happen to you, I have, ds1's jumper (named) completely disappeared.

HorseyTwinkleToes · 01/04/2014 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeTea103 · 01/04/2014 13:39

Are these actually really problems to some people?

extrasleepneeded · 01/04/2014 13:40

YABU theft is theft it doesn't belong to you so hand it back

ShatnersBassoon · 01/04/2014 13:41

Keep it. You definitely deserve it more. It took you a bit of bother to find a suitable cardigan, so you have earned the right to take other people's things.

HecatePropylaea · 01/04/2014 13:41

It's not hers, it doesn't matter how little you think it cost, it's a cost that someone incurred and it's not fair. Cut out the label and return it, if it is the fact you labelled it that is making you hesitate.

Everyone thinking oh, it's only one, oh, it's only a fiver, oh, it's old, oh, I've lost stuff... is the very reason there's the problem in the first place. Clothes don't disappear into thin air for no reason, they disappear because people take them and don't return them.

Feminine · 01/04/2014 13:42

YABU

MASSIVELY!

give it back.

I have ( and I'm sure) the majority of us here have had bits go missing. It doesn't cross my mind to be light fingered around other children's.

kilmuir · 01/04/2014 13:44

I would take it back. You have to hope that other parents would do the same. Sadly they don't. We are missing a whole pe kit, pe bag, plimsolls etc.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 01/04/2014 13:44

Having had lots of named items go missing over the years, I understand what you're saying OP, it is frustrating. BUT - two wrongs don't make a right. You are being incredibly unreasonable to even think about keeping something that doesn't belong to you. It is stealing - plain and simple. By keeping the cardi, you are simply perpetuating the problem.

CuntyBunty · 01/04/2014 13:45

It's no hassle to give it back. My DCs come back wearing all sorts of different clothes. I just tend to give them back to their mum, teacher or school reception.
My DCs' school has dark, forest green school jumpers too. It's a bit of a pain, isn't it?

eurochick · 01/04/2014 13:46

WTF is wrong with you. It belong's to someone else. Hand it in.

plumnc · 01/04/2014 13:47

Please hand it in, - or get your daughter to ask in class if anybody recognises it (you can write a little note explaining the naming accident if you don't want your daughter to do so) - or email the class to say you've got it.

£5 may not be much to everybody, but to many it is - especially if its the 2nd, 3rd or 4th item lost recently. - and besides it is a pita to run around replacing everything - the time and travel easily cost more than the cardie.

Original poster

unlucky83 · 01/04/2014 13:48

Oh no - I am going to have to try and find the owner ...I didn't think it was that bad...and am wary of being someone who makes a fuss out of nothing...
It is the fact I have labelled it ...won't cut the label out or the real owner won't be able to label it - if it was named I wouldn't hesitate - it could be easily returned.
OK don't think any point handing it into the school (don't have direct contact with teacher -everything goes though the office) it will just go into lost property....so will ask around when we go back...and then no joy hand it in ...

As to someone else keeping my DDs school clothes - even at primary they have both lost stuff but at secondary DD1 has lost countless cardis and jumpers - all labelled - in fact the last few have my mobile no on them too - and they are £14 each...and I have religiously returned everyone that has come home that isn't hers ...

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 01/04/2014 13:49

I have just helped our school bag up and sell (textile recycling) 100+ unnamed cardis and jumpers (along with a shed-load of misc clothing) which were clogging up lost property.

This is after various appeals for parents to reclaim lost clothing, plus 2 sessions of spreading it out on tables in the hall, sorted by item, for people to go through after school.

So yes the OP should return it, but let's not make out she's proposing to rob a bank. When she hands it in it'll doubtless be added to the lost property pile, languish there a bit then get chucked. How is anyone supposed to know it's theirs if its unlabelled? She doesn't even know that it belongs to a child in her dd's class.

HermioneWeasley · 01/04/2014 13:51

I'm going to be the lone voice and say I wouldn't bother returning an unnamed item. If I've followed the OP correctly, you are one cardigan down and an unnamed item will never get back to the correct owner.

If it was named I would of course take it back.

If the cost of a cardigan was going to break the family finances then it should have been labelled.

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