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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think wedding anniversaries are YOUR celebration

31 replies

Sparklysilversequins · 28/03/2014 10:16

And I shouldn't be expected to send you a card.

My Mum likes to remind me of her and various family members anniversaries so I can send them cards .

Why should I? Some of them decided to get married before I was even born and others I don't see that often so why should I observe an occasion that has absolutely no relevance to me whatsoever?

You got married, you had a big party for it. Great. Now why do I have to remember it forever?

OP posts:

pud1 · 28/03/2014 10:18

I never send cards for anniversaries. I agree with you. It's a personal celebration between the couple

Original poster

Sparklysilversequins · 28/03/2014 10:20

That's what I said to my Mum. It didn't go down well.

OP posts:

Yangsun · 28/03/2014 10:20

I agree, we got cards from some family members on our first anniversary but never since and unless it was a big one I think I'd find it a bit strange. Even if lots of people in your family do it I wouldn't think anyone would be offended if you didn't (although maybe carry on with your parents as it seems like it matters to your mum!) I might say something like "don't worry I've got all the events I want to send cards for written in my diary so you don't need to tell me about these things"

BigArea · 28/03/2014 10:20

I agree and was shocked to receive cards on our first wedding anniversary. TBH I struggle to get birthday cards sorted anyway!

WallyBantersJunkBox · 28/03/2014 10:21

I send cards if I attended the wedding. I was part of their day so it makes sense to me.

I don't go to a lot of weddings though!

meditrina · 28/03/2014 10:21

YANBU.

Unless the couple are hosting a party for something like 25th as a family landmark.

My DM sometimes remembers, which is nice, but I'd never expect it of anyone.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 28/03/2014 10:22

Oh and a couple of big ones - my Auntie and Uncle had a Ruby wedding party so obvs you take a card and pressie.

Nomama · 28/03/2014 10:24

I'd expect some sort of congratulations / commiserations this year - 25 years - but no. It is a private thing.

You came to the wedding, thanks your job is over.

Original poster

Sparklysilversequins · 28/03/2014 10:24

Another thing I've noticed though is that on threads where a poster is upset that no one made an effort for her birthday there are always quite a few posters telling her to get over it and being upset over adult birthdays is pathetic, however you never see that on forgotten anniversary threads, it's all sympathy and hand holding on those. Why are anniversaries more important than birthdays?

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 28/03/2014 10:25

We got a card from both my mum and his parents, plus his siblings and 2 of my friends (the 2 that came to the wedding) for our first anni. last year.

2nd anni. in 10 days and i guess we might get a card from parents again but that's all.

We do the same: send a card for the first, then forget not bother for subsequent years.

YANBU

Bananapickle · 28/03/2014 10:25

The only anniversary cards I send are one to my DH on our anniversary and one to my parents as I know it means something to them.
But YANBU to not send them to everyone your mum thanks you should.

LittleMissLurksALot · 28/03/2014 10:27

YANBU - cards/presents if the couple are celebrating with a party, and I'll get my parents a nice card on big anniversaries (they even find that weird!) but it is absolutely an occasion for the couple.

Scholes34 · 28/03/2014 10:27

I did expect that a sizeable number of those people who expected to be invited to my wedding would at least pass on to me their best wishes to DH and I when we made it to one year. Cards received are now minimal, but I do like the fact that DH's aunt still remembers the day.

Went to a work colleague's reaffirmation of vows after 20 years. That was a lovely celebration of where he, his wife and his family and friends are now - not so much about remembering what happened 20 years ago.

Rather silly to be expected to send a card to someone who married before you were born or didn't go to the wedding, unless it's a big anniversary - silver, ruby, golden, diamond (did one of those a few years ago and sent a card, even though I wasn't around when they married).

DidoTheDodo · 28/03/2014 10:30

I'm in agreement with the OP. The only time I have given cards to anyone is if it is a special (ie Silver, Ruby, Gold) celebration and I am invited to some sort of party. Then the card goes with a suitable gift.

Otherwise, it is for the couple to celebrate as they choose.

(DH's family do not agree with me on this... :( )

susyot · 28/03/2014 10:32

YANBU but I think there may be different family traditions.

In my family we would always get my parents an anniversary card. I was quite shocked when my husband said that he didn't get his parents a card and he explained that it was a private celebration between his parents.

Now that I'm married my Dad always sends us a card (although we confuse him as we don't always celebrate on the same day) but we don't expect them from anyone.

JoinTheDots · 28/03/2014 10:33

Yanbu at all. Annoys me no end when both my sister and my in laws get offended every year when they do not get a card (and in the case of the in laws, a gift too) on their wedding anniversary. The in laws have a big one coming up, so I thought we would get them a card this time, but they suggested a trip to the US to drive over the Golden Gate Bridge is more in line with what they were hoping for. Yeah, right! I shall be spending no more than two pounds fifty thanks.

ReluctantCamper · 28/03/2014 10:34

This year both DH and I forgot our anniversary (currently pregnant, lots going on, it coincided with FIL's 70th). MIL gave us a card with £50 in it! We're going out for dinner next week with it, so it's not all bad when other people remember your anniversary.

I wouldn't expect it though and I was a bit shocked!

IdkickJilliansAss · 28/03/2014 10:37

I don't expect cards (nice to give/receive them for 1st anniversary) or give them but am thinking of throwing a party next year for my tenth, is that ok I promise no gift required

blackcurrentjuice · 28/03/2014 10:41

My mum got us a card for our first one which was a nice, unexpected surprise.

Mostly I'd view mine and other relatives anniversaries as a private occasion, unless a milestone anniversary.

We have celebrated others big anniversaries such as 25/30/50 years and that is something that should be celebrated IMO.

InAGrump · 28/03/2014 10:44

Yanbu, I don't even get cards for my own so I dont see the point

dorathedestroyer · 28/03/2014 10:50

YANBU. I never send them. For one thing, I have no idea what state the marriage is actually in, and for another, I don't want to trigger WW3 with one of those, 'See? See? DORA remembered our anniversary, but did you? No! Of course you didn't, you thoughtless bastard, etc' type arguments.

ClownsLeftJokersRight · 28/03/2014 10:56

Yanbu. If I go to a wedding I do try to remember to send a card on the first anniversary if I know them well. But really years on it's really just between the couple.

Our parents still send us a card which is nice, and I do one for them.

It's my parents 50th this year and tbh I'm about what I should/shouldnt be doing about it. Wedding anniversaries have always been very low key in our family.

dorathedestroyer · 28/03/2014 10:59

I should probably add that my phobia of anniversaries comes from sending a family member a card for her third anniversary... only to see her the following month and discovering that her husband had moved out a few months before, but she and her family had been keeping it very quiet because it had been a massive white wedding.

JuniperTisane · 28/03/2014 11:03

DH has had to go to get cards 3 times this week. First for his sisters birthday and mothers day card for his mum. Then he remembered about me and went back to get a card for DSs to scribble in for sunday for me . Then he realised he hadn't yet got his parents anything for their wedding anniversary on monday . Not only does he buy a card, and get some flowers, he always gets them a present as well.

My parents don't even remember their own anniversary half the time, and would be most embarrassed if they received a card from anyone else celebrating it.

BillyBanter · 28/03/2014 11:14

One friend threw a party to celebrate their first wedding anniversary! Whut?

I forgot to go. :o

Parents and siblings (will) get cards/gifts for 25th but even then even if they are having a party. I don't know when anyone's anniversary is, or how many years. Who has time to keep up with that sort of shit?

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