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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

22% of UK population...

68 replies

monkeymamma · 27/03/2014 22:42

'Wouldn't attend a wedding if it was between a same sex couple' according to Newsnight. I mean what the actual fuck? I don't know a single person who would say this. To me anyway. Apart from being vile homophobia it's so... Illogical. I just don't get how anyone could have a problem with two people getting married. AIBU?

OP posts:

JeanSeberg · 27/03/2014 22:45

That does seem incredibly high. I'm trying to find a link to the actual survey.

Balistapus · 27/03/2014 22:50

What's the source of the survey?

If it was in the Daily Mail then it's very believable. In the Socialist Worker, not so much.

MoonRover · 27/03/2014 22:54

Maybe 21% of the UK population are so fed up of bridezillas, and stag fortnight holidays, and the whole Goddamn jamboree and associated spendfest purely to spend a day firstly in a badly lit magnolia register office, followed by some embarrassing speeches over some luke warm chicken in mystery sauce - you'll be in a fucking tent for this bit - and then a bit of dry but ornate cake and disco to finish with, they'd refuse to attend no matter who or what was marrying whom?

WEDDING CURMUDGEONS I SALUTE YOU

Which leaves just 1% refusing to attend a same sex wedding on the grounds of homophobia.

Nocomet · 27/03/2014 23:02

I suspect my DDad and DSIS might say they wouldn't, but they don't know any gay couples well enough to be invited to a wedding. Neither do I, neither probably do 50% of the respondents.

How people respond to an abstract question and how they respond of an invitation from DFs that lands in their door step is quite different.

People can be very anti immigration and have bigoted racist views and yet have ethnic minority DFs and not see the hipocracy.

EeeIcouldCrushAGrape · 27/03/2014 23:05

They wouldn't say it out loud, though, would they? Anonymously in a survey they would. In RL or to your face they'd just stay schtum. So it could be that high but they just don't want to say as it's not an acceptable way of thinking.

Cringechilli · 27/03/2014 23:13

I thought I read that 130 conservative MPs voted against gay marriage. I was disgusted to read it, still wonder if it's wrong. I don't understand homophobia at all but it does seem there are quite a few homophobes around. 22% sounds a lot though. Strange.

Jinsei · 27/03/2014 23:15

Somehow, I doubt that people like that would be on the guest list anyway, would they?

But yanbu to be surprised - it's depressingly high!

YouTheCat · 27/03/2014 23:17

Maybe it should be 22% of Daily Mail readers?

AntiJamDidi · 27/03/2014 23:18

I know quite a few people who would say that. I wouldn't have thought it would be as high as 22%, but I do know people who think same sex marriages are wrong.

JapaneseMargaret · 27/03/2014 23:23

I doubt very much that the survey is in any way even vaguely robust.

I also doubt very much that that 22% would ever even be invited to a same sex wedding, so it's probably win-win.

I draw all sorts of conclusions about people who have a problem with gay people being so in love with someone that they want to send the rest of their life with a person, and celebrate that in the same way as straight couples. And none of them are good.

Preciousbane · 27/03/2014 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 27/03/2014 23:31

I suspect that 22% of the population simply don't KNOW enough gay couples personally to have a real opionion!

I'd hate to think is true! As the parent of a gay daughter I am hoping my friends and family will celebrate with me when I am eventually the mother of the brides

None of my family batted an eyelid when DD1 came out.. not even my 80 yr old MIL!

DumbleDee · 27/03/2014 23:32

Made me so angry hearing some of the views tonight. I'm straight but must be so hurtful for those SS couples still facing such a moral backlash.

Original poster

monkeymamma · 27/03/2014 23:39

Lol yes it's easy to turn down a theoretical invitation. I still don't know what drives this particular bigotry though.

OP posts:

QueenStromba · 27/03/2014 23:39

I'm actually quite impressed that it's so low considering the uproar about legalising same sex marriage and the fact that you could still be sent to jail for it 40 years ago. I imagine that if you broke it down by age you'd find that most of those people are in the older age brackets and that people under the age of 30 just don't register it as being an issue.

AdoraBell · 27/03/2014 23:44

They've Obviously spoken To my MIL, sister, other sister, couldn't have spoken To my parents as they popped their clogs long ago, 2BILs and Possibly an SIL.

whereisshe · 27/03/2014 23:45

Well obviously they don't want to catch The Gay

It may be how the survey is worded though. I think this is a good summary...

MummyBeerest · 27/03/2014 23:52

What were the variables to this hypothetical gay wedding?

Was it a cash bar?
Were children not allowed?
Could you not bring a plus 1?
Did they have to splash out on stags and hen nights?
Was it {gulp} themed?

These are the only reasons that would make sense. Y'know, because it's 2014 and all...

GertTheFlirt · 28/03/2014 01:23

I'm going to a gay wedding July
I'm Mother of the Bride by proxy
I have no idea which of the blokes if going to be the bride though

But in seriousness, my most darling cousin is marrying his boyfriend, only cuz doesnt want to - he doesnt believe in gay marriage and is only going along with it to keep his BF happy. Sad thing is , it won't last either, it's such a tempestuous relationship with two equally large personalities prone to being drama llamas.

So it's not only some straight people who disapprove of gay weddings, some gay people don't approve either.

lottieandmia · 28/03/2014 01:30

YANBU

nooka · 28/03/2014 01:43

We're going to the wedding of our good friend's dd and her girlfriend later this summer. I was very touched to be invited, thought their invite was just lovely and am trying to find out if we can give them a really decent gift (they have really struggled in the past and the girlfriend has really turned things around for our friend's dd so we'd like to show our support, but they have no list so I've no idea what to give them).

Gay weddings have been legal where I live in Canada for 10 years plus so don't raise any eyebrows any more (except I assume for those who really are seriously homophobic). I hope/assume that will be the case in the UK fairly quickly.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 28/03/2014 01:50

Maybe the survey ended with '...and the invitation is sent in the form of a poem, in which the grooms/brides attempt to disguise the fact that they're demanding cash gifts behind a twee and ham-fisted attempt to look winsome and unselfconscious.'

SelectAUserName · 28/03/2014 02:05

Bruno

I've never asked him but I suspect my dad would be in the 22%. He's 70 and has a sort of casual/ignorant bigotry, in part from growing up in a Northern industrial working class area which was almost exclusively white at a time when homophobia was still illegal.

Thumbwitch · 28/03/2014 02:24

There are still a huge number of people who are very small-minded out there. We just don't tend to know them in RL!

Most people I know wouldn't refuse an invitation; maybe one would but then this is Australia and they're still a bit behind the times here, despite the Pink Parade and Kylie and so on. That's Sydney - rural Aus is still a bit more, erm, conservative. And DH's uncle-by-marriage is one of the most bigoted people I've ever had the misfortune to come across. (It's him, by the way).

My Dad wouldn't - if he knew the grooms/brides, he would still go. He's 80 but has always been very "live and let live". :)

dayshiftdoris · 28/03/2014 03:09

I wonder what the percentage was to turn down an invite to a wedding between a man and woman? Possibly 10-15% at a guess

But then I am not a wedding lover

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