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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit put out by the nurses comment?

44 replies

Lipton · 27/03/2014 16:07

Went to visit the nurse today because I've decided to get a coil. Explained that myself and DP have been trying for a baby but circumstances have changed (moving house, new job, etc.) and just don't think it's the right time. However, I don't want to go back on the pill as things have been so much better since not having the additional hormones from years of being on the pill. She asked if I was with the same partner and I said yes (5 and a half years). Then she said "that's ok, you should be safe from infection unless, of course, he has been unfaithful". It's really wound me up that she said that. I know she was just doing her job but didn't think it was her place to say something like that when she knows nothing about our relationship.

OP posts:
EmmaBemma · 27/03/2014 16:08

Are you taking the piss.

hashtagwhatever · 27/03/2014 16:09

Bit of a stupid comment yes but don't let it bother you

MaidOfStars · 27/03/2014 16:10

She's telling you the risks of having sex with someone without using barrier protection. What's wrong with that?

LadyVetinari · 27/03/2014 16:11

Nurse gives medical advice. ZOMG... Hmm

gamerchick · 27/03/2014 16:11

You get stuff like that.. just let it go.

I remember quite a loud sticking to my guns thing with someone in anti natal who wanted me to have an anti d even though I didn't need one.

Apparently I may not know who the dad of my child is Grin

kotinka · 27/03/2014 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Latara · 27/03/2014 16:17

Not sure what's wrong with her comment?

morchoxplz · 27/03/2014 16:19

It would have been irresponsible of her to advise or imply that infection was it a risk just because you have been with your partner 5 years. The coil is not a barrier so she was presenting the risks along with the benefits to you. That's her job. Nurses just can't win sometimes. If your best friend had said the same that would have been tactless.

Original poster
Lipton · 27/03/2014 16:20

I just felt like it wasn't her place to even suggest that my DP might have strayed.

OP posts:
Monmouth · 27/03/2014 16:21

As you said she knows nothing about your relationship, that's exactly why she made the comment.

NobodyLivesHere · 27/03/2014 16:26

She's not suggesting he's do be anything, or judging your relationship. She's giving you facts.

Smilesandpiles · 27/03/2014 16:29

She hasn't said anything wrong at all. You are taking it to heart and let's face it, IF he were to stray, the first place you'll be advised to go is the Clap Clinic.

She's just pointing out a possible risk and not suggesting anything else at all.

You seem to be under a lot of stress at the moment, maybe this is hampering with your feelings and judgements a little bit at the moment, hence your reaction?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/03/2014 16:29

She was just stating a fact, not suggesting your DP might have strayed.

Do not have children if comments like this wind you up, your blood pressure will go through the roof.

susiedaisy · 27/03/2014 16:29

I would be annoyed at her turn of phrase. It was tackless. What she could of said was... "You should be safe from infection unless either of you have and sexual partners during that time. " how does the nurse know that sleeping with another person equals being unfaithful. Some people have open relationships.

Original poster
Lipton · 27/03/2014 16:31

Thank you all for your comments. Yes, I agree, I took it to heart which has proved that I have made the right decision. Will forget about it and have a Wine

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 27/03/2014 16:32

Yabvu.

She wasn't suggesting your DH might have strayed, she was saying that if he had you might be open to STIs. As she didn't send you off for testing, she clearly didn't think that your DH had been cheating.

Honestly, the only reason I can think of why someone might get upset about this is if it was something they were already paranoid about.

takeiteasybuttakeit · 27/03/2014 16:45

well i think it was a silly thing for her to say if those were her words. Instead, she should have asked if the relationship was monogamous. Just because you're with someone for that long doesn't mean neither of you have had sex with someone else. Far better would have been if she said something like susiedasie said. For all she knows, your relationship might involve multiple partners, or be non-exclusive in other ways

Linguini · 27/03/2014 16:46

Not something to get bothered about in the slightest. She is trying to help you out !

BumpAndGrind · 27/03/2014 16:54

My nurse told me very patronisingly that one missed pill would (not could) WOULD lead to pregnancy.

8 months trying it took us, that showed her!

Some are tactless, but she was just doing her job

AnotherFurry · 27/03/2014 17:02

Actually I think it is a sensible thing to remind people about. You are not at risk of infection if neither of you stray. You only need to read the relationship section to realise that people are often put at risk by their unfaithful partners without them knowing.

Don't take it to heart but realise she is simply telling you the advantages and disadvantages of using certain contraceptive and what the risks are.

AdminGirl · 27/03/2014 17:05

I think the advice is fine obviously, but she really ahouldn't have added the unfaithful bit yanbu

InflatableBrick · 27/03/2014 17:18

I refused the HIV test while pregnant because I was so sure I didn't require it. 18 months later I found out H had been having unprotected sex with OW throughout.

It was lovely being so naive.

redcatblackcat · 27/03/2014 17:21

Get a grip!!!!

carabos · 27/03/2014 17:21

Probably the "right" advice but I agree that she could have worded it better. One of the points the nurse made when bollocking me for missing several a smear test was that despite the fact that I've been married for over 20 years, my "lifestyle" may have changed, thus leaving me open to the HPV virus.

I was so cross I left the surgery and haven't been back. I have smear tests done by my gynae consultant who a) is much better at it and b) regards it as admin and not a commentary on my sex life. I take pleasure in depriving the GP practice of the £35 they would get if I had it done there Grin .

Needless to say, whatever my "lifestyle", I have never had a dodgy smear.

VeryStressedMum · 27/03/2014 17:23

Well, she's right really, you should be safe from infection unless your dp is/has been unfaithful. I'm sure she wasn't saying that's what he's doing, but she's just doing her job. You know she's right anyway so I'm not entirely sure why you'd get so annoyed about someone saying it aloud.