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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit put out by the nurses comment?

44 replies

Lipton · 27/03/2014 16:07

Went to visit the nurse today because I've decided to get a coil. Explained that myself and DP have been trying for a baby but circumstances have changed (moving house, new job, etc.) and just don't think it's the right time. However, I don't want to go back on the pill as things have been so much better since not having the additional hormones from years of being on the pill. She asked if I was with the same partner and I said yes (5 and a half years). Then she said "that's ok, you should be safe from infection unless, of course, he has been unfaithful". It's really wound me up that she said that. I know she was just doing her job but didn't think it was her place to say something like that when she knows nothing about our relationship.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 27/03/2014 17:23

Am I the only one who thinks the nurse was being sexist in assuming only men can cheat?!

KatoPotato · 27/03/2014 17:27

I think YABU.

If this happened to me I'd go home and say to DH 'Oh aye, the nurse says you'd better not have been a mad shagger or it's off to the clap clinic for me!'

We'd both laugh, and that would be that. Are you paranoid about this?

gamerchick · 27/03/2014 17:28

I didn't get asked if I wanted the HIV test, they just did it and told me the result after my scan. I was a bit taken aback slightly.

I think a person can do a job for so long it just turns into a checklist of the same old same old, forgetting that the person they're dealing with probably doesn't do whatever all that often.

simonelebonbon · 27/03/2014 17:29

Tactless. I'm sure you are already aware of that.

I think I would have said something along the lines of, "Is that what happened to you then?". It would probably have shut her up but that's just me...

tiggytape · 27/03/2014 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 27/03/2014 17:42

Op that's nothing. Dh wasn't allowed to see our 3 week old ds before he was taken for emergency abdominal surgery because we weren't married when we conceived him. I was disgusted and said so. Would they have refused surgery had dh rushed him there instead of me? I thanked them (at the follow up appt. I didn't kick off on the ward. That would have been wrong) for the inference that married women are morally superior to single women and that fathers just don't cut it if mum is physically present. Thankfully ds is now a healthy but minimally scarred 10 year old.

tiggytape · 27/03/2014 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lipton · 27/03/2014 17:46

Not paranoid just wonder if she would have said it I was married or maybe, because of my age, she assumes all 20 something's are shagging around. Also agree with formerbabe, why would it necessarily be him that's been unfaithful (not that I want her thinking that of me either)? I guess I just stewed on it and found it a little inappropriate but also realise it is her job to advise of the risks. Will tell DP when he gets back and will laugh about it.

OP posts:
Sidge · 27/03/2014 17:49

Well she could have worded it a bit better...

I tend to talk about risks of STIs in terms of "if you or your partner have had sexual contact with anyone else".

It's a bit clunky and not an assumption of any wrongdoing, but I need to make my patients aware of potential health risks.

newsecretidentity · 27/03/2014 17:49

Mine didn't give me an opt out at all! It was more like "you want a coil, you're having the test", regardless of any life changes.

Sidge · 27/03/2014 17:51

She wasn't assuming it was him that may have been unfaithful - you'd already said you were still with the same partner. So the level of potential risk comes from him and not you.

ChestyNut · 27/03/2014 18:08

YABU

What she said was factual.

ShedWood · 27/03/2014 19:06

If I was a nurse in charge of my client's sexual health and a woman came to me saying "I was trying for a baby, but now I want some contraception as my circumstances have changed." I must admit I'd be much more likely to think something had changed with regards to your relationship (like possible infidelity) than that you'd moved house.

When my husband and I wanted children changing jobs and buying and selling 3 houses didn't change that one iota.

So maybe it was your turn of phrase that led her to the suggestion that your sexual health wouldn't be protected by the coil, or maybe it was just her doing, you know, her job?

InAGrump · 27/03/2014 19:13

Yabu yabu yabu!! She's bloody right.

Chippednailvarnish · 27/03/2014 19:40

Welcome to MN OP.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 27/03/2014 19:43

FFS people, read the chuffing thread, OP said she was BU agesssss ago.

Original poster
Lipton · 27/03/2014 21:07

Thank you, candycoatedwaterdrops! I've accepted that I took a meaningless comment to heart. All forgotten about now Grin

OP posts:
comedycentral · 27/03/2014 21:21

I am in shock at the stupidity of this post

feathermucker · 27/03/2014 21:37

She wasn't suggesting anything Hmm

She was stating a fact, which is that you should be safe from infection unless your partner has strayed.

She will have said the same thing mannnny times Wink

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