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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish people would RSVP?

32 replies

scaredoflabour · 26/03/2014 21:22

Hi, I may be BU but feeling stressed.

We're having a birthday party for DS1 who will be 4 next Sunday.
I sent out 8 invites (keeping it small as it's my first venture into the world of children's parties which may be why I'm stressing about this)

Half the parents haven't bothered to RSVP yet. I know there's still time but I gave the invites out a week and a half ago.

It also just so happens that the responses I have had are from the parents of the little girls so it'd going to be ds and lots of little girls at this rate. I know that doesn't really matter but it would have been nice to have a bit of a mix, he's already outnumbered by his sisters.

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 26/03/2014 21:28

YANBU. It's so frustrating - especially when you've booked a party which needs specific numbers, like DS's bowling party last weekend. Two didn't turn up; we could have invited others instead if the parents had told us they wouldn't be going!

I'm tempted to write "RSVP. If no response by [date], we will assume you are not attending." on future party invitations. It'll make me sound like a dick, but it might push people to reply.

ShinyTurd · 26/03/2014 21:30

Definitely not being unreasonable. Although you may feel awkward, you may just have to ask directly whether they are coming. Don't text as they may not reply or fob you off. You need an answer and you deserve one.

Brummiegirl15 · 26/03/2014 21:32

People are so incredibly lazy and it does my head in!!

We have sent invites for dsis wedding - we've put an RSVP card in the envelope, plus a stamp addressed envelope. So many people still not replied!!!! FFS you either want to come or do you don't and @ £100 per head can you pull your finger out? All you have to do is get off your arse and post it!!!

Grrrrr!!!

So no, you YANBU

Original poster
scaredoflabour · 26/03/2014 21:46

Thank you. Just very stressed as so want it to be right for DS.

Do you think it will look odd if only girls come to his party?
Not really sure what else to do. I don't really know the other parents well enough to start calling them up and I don't bump into them very often as it's a private nursery and they all leave/ arrive at different times.
Also don't have a list of 'second choice guests' or anything like that.

Arghhhh. Will need lots of Wine when this is all over.

OP posts:
ironmansmum · 26/03/2014 21:48

No, you are not being unreasonable! In my experience some parents don't respond at all - it's common courtesy
isn't it?! Are you coming or not?? Soz, gonna calm down now . . .

greenfolder · 26/03/2014 21:57

If they are at nursery ask staff to pop a reminder in their bags. Please can you let me know by sunday evening on x number as I need to sort food etc.

Original poster
scaredoflabour · 26/03/2014 21:58

Good idea greenfolder
thanks

OP posts:
kat0406 · 26/03/2014 22:22

Ah!!!!! know the feeling - we are currently waiting on wedding rsvp's, invites are out 5 weeks, only a week to go until the rsvp date and less than half have been returned Sad

IsItMeOr · 26/03/2014 22:27

If you have numbers/emails for them then just do a quick reminder that way.

Pasithea · 26/03/2014 22:29

We where sent a save the day. So booked hotel. 300 miles away. Arranged 4 days off work mid week wedding and now we have had a message to say we're not invited.

Original poster
scaredoflabour · 29/03/2014 10:40

Would just like to say ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

My poor ds is going to be the ONLY boy at his own birthday party
Sad

OP posts:
Hassled · 29/03/2014 10:41

Bloody hell - that sucks. Your poor DS.

Would it be easier to just abandon the whole thing and go swimming or something like that he enjoys instead?

saythatagain · 29/03/2014 10:47

We've learnt now to put RSVP, followed by a date.
Dd, now aged 10, had a party a couple of weeks ago; still the same problem, but at least she was able to approach her classmates to chase them up. There were the handful that said their mums had said yes verbally. To which I responded - no text/call? I will assume they're not coming!

HappyAgainOneDay · 29/03/2014 11:06

Pasithea I think your experience was dreadful. It could be that you were a bit on the 'safe' side to book things before the invitation arrived (not) but how rude of the hosts to ask tell you to save the day and then actually tell that you were not invited. Did the hosts tell you or did you hear from someone else?

Sallyingforth · 29/03/2014 11:28

I had to arrange a party for a friend's special occasion, and had to know the exact number for food ordering. Most of the invitations went out by email, and I said "Please RSVP by xx.xxx".
Three invitees didn't reply so I sent further emails "So sorry you are not able to attend - we will miss you." They didn't come.

AnimalsAreMyFriends · 29/03/2014 11:32

In the same boat here - ds party next sunday. 35 invites given out 3 weeks ago. We've had 8 replies. I am going to have to collar people on the playground. I put a number to text & an email address. It's bloody rude to not reply Angry
YANBU

Lesleythegiraffe · 29/03/2014 11:36

I used to find the same with DC parties and ended up ringing round the parents to see how many were coming about 2 days beforehand.

The usual attitude was "Oh yes, X will be coming. I would've told you if he wasn't"

I thought that perhaps they didn't understand what RSVP meant so the following year I wrote "Please let me know if you can come" That didn't make a bit of difference!

hunreeeal · 29/03/2014 11:38

YANBU. Amazing the number of people who can't even lift a finger to send a text!

peppersaunt · 29/03/2014 11:56

Sent out e-vites this year. All they had to do was click yes or no. All opened, 10/25 clicked...

NarcissaPoetica · 29/03/2014 13:10

We are in the same position. I mean to do up reminder cards which will read, "If you have not texted me by X date to confirm that your child will be attending, I will assume that they cannot make it and will plan food, activities and party bags accordingly." and will ask DS's lovely teacher if she would not mind placing them in the children's bags. I am not overly concerned whether the parents will consider that to be pushy/rude. After all, they are the ones being rude by not responding in the first place - I am just looking to manage their expectations and not end up wasting food, time and money for inconsiderate people.

The worst thing is that our nanny (who drops DS off at school and picks him up) has verbally reminded some parents who then tell her that they will text me. So far, out of 30 invitees, only one has responded. This is despite the invitations being given out two weeks ago and well over a month before the scheduled party.

Pasithea · 29/03/2014 13:31

Thank you HappyAgainOneDay . I got a message over Facebook from the bride, whom I have never had a conversation with in my life. family sucks .

quietbatperson · 29/03/2014 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloppyRagdoll · 29/03/2014 17:04

I'm appalled at the lack of manners of your child's guests, OP. I am glad my own children are beyond that stage. I don't recall it being quite so stressful, but when they were very small, most of the guests at parties were from our village, so it was easy to chase them up; and as they got older, they preferred smaller groups - eg trips to the cinema or bowling or whatever, with 3 or 4 close friends who were all good about replying.

Pasithea, I sympathise with you. I had never even heard of "Save the Date" notices until about 3 years ago when I was sent one by someone I didn't consider myself that close to, so I was a tad surprised to receive it. However, on reflection, I realised that, actually, this person had been frequently contacting me for help and advice; and I had given them some monetary help when they were in difficulties, so I thought the pre-invitation was down to that. The "Save the Date" itself had an RSVP on it - the wedding was in another country and booking ahead would mean substantial savings on flights, etc. I replied to the RSVP saying that I was surprised but delighted to be invited but I would gladly come if they were sure they wanted me; and I received a "Wow, of course we want you: we are so happy you can make it"-type reply. I then arranged time off work, booked flights and arranged accommodation. This was all five or six months before the wedding. There was some contact as to what they would like for a wedding gift and I organised that ahead, as I didn't want to be schlepping the awkward sized and shaped gift across two continents.

THEN two months before the big day, I became aware from mutual friends that the "formal invitations" which we had been assured would follow had been sent out. I hadn't received one. It wasn't too long since I had moved house and I assumed that the invitation had gone astray. So I mailed the happy couple. No response. I tried to phone and Skype. No response. FB chat - the couple were both constantly on FB, sharing photos of their wedding preparations; but they were not responding to my chat messages or PMs... FINALLY, after enlisting the help of other mutual friends who were in the same country as one half of the couple, I received a message, "Oh, we didn't realise you were serious about coming: we had to trim the numbers because of cost." No kidding, the wedding had over 500 guests.
I wasn't best chuffed. (I never received an acknowledgement of the gift, either, though I know it arrived as the mutual friends checked that out for me.)

Pasithea · 29/03/2014 18:51

Don't I think this whole save the day thing is crap. Especially coming less than 9 months to the wedding. Cancelled everything including pressy. This is so called FAMILY.

coldwater1 · 29/03/2014 18:59

My children have had invites with a date to reply by, i think its a good idea for next time.

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