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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get upset over meeting with DS's teacher today

83 replies

caramellokoalalover · 26/03/2014 13:21

DS's reception teacher asked to speak to me today about DS (5). Apparently a few weeks ago a parent complained to the school that DS had taught their child to say 'silly bastard'. School gave DS benefit of the doubt, not having overheard anything themselves, said nothing to me, and gave the whole school a talk about not using bad language.
Parents went into school on Monday and said they had witnessed my DS telling their child at a birthday party on Saturday to say 'silly bastard'. Teacher has told me they need to take it up with DS and inform me what's happening.
Feel so upset by it all. AIBU to get so upset over first 'called in to the school' offence? Anyone else feel like shit when their DC get into trouble?

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 26/03/2014 13:24

But is it true?? You haven't said. Where did he pick up such language? I'd be mortified if that was me.

eskinosekiss · 26/03/2014 13:26

Not sure what your upset is over - that he's being accused of something he didn't do, that he knows such language at 5, or that it's embarrassing being called in to school?

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 26/03/2014 13:26

Did Your ds say it?

BornFreeButinChains · 26/03/2014 13:28

I wouldn't worry of course its embarrassing and upsetting.

But if its true your son needs telling doesn't he, they all pick up language though...

Ours picked up FFS when were having a tough time and said it too often Blush we were able to simply stop saying it and it went away.

dont worry!

eskinosekiss · 26/03/2014 13:28

or are you upset because you feel the school/parents are overreacting?

Original poster
caramellokoalalover · 26/03/2014 13:28

I haven't grilled spoken to him yet. Am mortified! No idea where he heard it...not something we've ever said at home. Teacher said he was saying it in an accent so thought he had heard it on TV possibly.

OP posts:
kilmuir · 26/03/2014 13:28

Well if they heard him say it i guess they are entitled to be bit annoyed. Does seem a bit ott, as not on school premises that time.
You are being a bit sensitive.

CrystalJelly · 26/03/2014 13:29

But did he say it? And if he did he's obviously got it from somewhere....

fluffyraggies · 26/03/2014 13:30

Is it the same parents OP? That complained last time, and again after the party?

C3P0 · 26/03/2014 13:30

You should probably explain what it means and why it causes offence. It was enough to cause a fight at my school.

Backtobedlam · 26/03/2014 13:31

It seems like a major issue at the time, I can understand you feeling upset and also worried how the other parents react. In a few weeks time you will probably look back, and maybe not laugh, but realise it wasn't the end of the world. Your son is repeating something he's heard (could have heard it anywhere) but really is too young to understand what he's saying, so it's good the school are clamping done on it. Just make sure he knows it isn't appropriate language to use and why he's in trouble for it.

C3P0 · 26/03/2014 13:31

You should probably explain what it means and why it causes offence. It was enough to cause a fight at my school.

WooWooOwl · 26/03/2014 13:32

It's better for you to be upset then to be the sort of parent that couldn't care less when their child swears. It's right that you feel like shit tbh, I would have complained if I were the other child's parent too.

You should take it seriously, and you shouldn't be allowing a reception age child to watch TV programmes that contain that sort of language.

Original poster
caramellokoalalover · 26/03/2014 13:36

Excellent advice everyone. Thanks. Am slapping myself for being oversensitive.
It was the same parents, yes, fluffyraggies
Will of course bollock speak to DS and explain why he shouldn't be using such, or any, bad language.

OP posts:
MamaPain · 26/03/2014 13:38

I can understand you feeling upset, but yo really shouldn't be. Next year and later in life you will laugh at this. You will probably call him a silly bastard and laugh about how he was a little rascal.

Just explain to him that its a word for adults and he is not to use it. Its no big deal, kids learn swear words all the time, they just need to know they aren't to use them.

Tbh, the other parents sound really OTT. I think an eye roll and dealing with their own child's behaviour would have sufficed.

The thing is that schools are meant to take everything very seriously, but what you will learn is they will talk to you about the lunchbox issue in the same 'doom and gloom this is the worst parenting they have ever seen' type of language and tone as they do an issue which is genuinely really serious. Use your own judgement and deal with it in a way that you see fit, you don't need to have your mood or approach dictated by the school.

Slothful · 26/03/2014 13:38

I think the parents are a teeny bit over the top complaining to the school, I'd have just told my child it was unacceptable language and left it at that. But seeing as they have you need to make it clear to the school you are supporting them.

It's fine to feel upset but how you handle this is important. The school aren't telling you off, they are asking for your support.

Have a word with your son about it so he doesn't do it again (hopefully). Next time you see the teacher thank them for informing you and tell them that you have had words with him.

That way, the school are reassured that you will work with them to support your son through school.

tobiasfunke · 26/03/2014 13:44

Honestly who complains to the school about this sort of thing? You're embarrassed now but in the scheme of things it really is no biggie. Kids repeat all sorts of stuff they hear all the time - from people on the streets, the supermarket, from older kids. You tell them they shouldn't use bad language and if my Ds is anything to go by they then turn into the swear police. 'Mummy you used a bad word. That's not allowed'

Original poster
caramellokoalalover · 26/03/2014 13:44

Thanks MamaPain and great advice Slothful to go back to the teacher and have a quick word. Definitely don't want them to think I don't care.

OP posts:
gimcrack · 26/03/2014 13:49

Hang on, why are the other parents telling the school about something your DS did out of school? That's odd.

Original poster
caramellokoalalover · 26/03/2014 13:49

tobiasfunke it had never occurred to me to complain to the school when DS came home saying something inappropriate. I have just told him not to repeat things as they've come up.
It's a very small class, and not all the kids were at the party on Saturday (I was there) so going to be awkward at the gates for awhile.

OP posts:
usuallyright · 26/03/2014 13:50

schools alwaysseem to be massively OTT about swearing and almost all kids use a bad word they've overheard. Show me a parent who has never used a swear word within earshot of their parent and I'll show you a saint.

usuallyright · 26/03/2014 13:51

earshot of their child

Original poster
caramellokoalalover · 26/03/2014 13:52

gimcrack I've no idea. DS started in September and is my eldest so the whole school minefield is new to me.

OP posts:
BadlyShavedYeti · 26/03/2014 13:54

Christ WooWooOwl, you need to get a grip. Nowhere has the OP said she has let her son watch age inappropriate programmes, he could have seen it at nannys house, a friends house etc.

And its right she should feel like shit because a child has repeated something he has heard and probably doesnt know the meaning of it? Dont be so stupid.

And as for the parents complaining to the school - pathetic. Must bigger things to get worked up about.

Mrskeylime · 26/03/2014 13:55

It's got absolutely nothing to do with school though surely? Parents sound like a pain in the arse.

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