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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get upset over meeting with DS's teacher today

83 replies

caramellokoalalover · 26/03/2014 13:21

DS's reception teacher asked to speak to me today about DS (5). Apparently a few weeks ago a parent complained to the school that DS had taught their child to say 'silly bastard'. School gave DS benefit of the doubt, not having overheard anything themselves, said nothing to me, and gave the whole school a talk about not using bad language.
Parents went into school on Monday and said they had witnessed my DS telling their child at a birthday party on Saturday to say 'silly bastard'. Teacher has told me they need to take it up with DS and inform me what's happening.
Feel so upset by it all. AIBU to get so upset over first 'called in to the school' offence? Anyone else feel like shit when their DC get into trouble?

OP posts:

Jinsei · 26/03/2014 23:08

It's ridiculous to go to the school about an incident that happened at a weekend birthday party. Why didn't the other parent just speak to the child there and then, and/or speak to the OP. Not the teacher's responsibility!

bertiesgal · 26/03/2014 23:09

My brother at age 2 and a half informed my anti-swearing prude of a grandmother that her broken Hoover was in fact "fucked".

He is a fine upstanding member of society now and my gran has just about forgiven him and my poor mother who got the blame .

SallyMcgally · 26/03/2014 23:11

Agree with jinsei. Very officious of them. bertie

PowerPantsRule · 26/03/2014 23:56

Agree with Jinsei too. Other parents sound total arses. Don't worry OP.

MrsCakesPremonition · 27/03/2014 00:05

If schools were expected to investigate and deal with every bit of annoying behaviour that their children got involved outside school hours,there would be no time to do any educating.
Talk to your DS about his language and avoid the complaining family in future.

EurotrashGirl · 27/03/2014 03:10

I agree with everyone who is saying that the school should not be calling you on over saying "bastard" at a weekend birthday party. And the other parents should not have called the school about it. I understand that children shouldn't be swearing, but alleged offense was teaching another child to say "silly bastard" not calling another child "silly bastard" which isn't parental notification-worthy in my opinion.

adoptmama · 27/03/2014 04:59

I really don't understand why on earth the teacher felt it her place to contact you about this. I'd have told the parents that - much as I might understand their concerns - they should speak to you themselves as it happened out of school time and was not at a school event. None of the school's concern or business what happened.

The school should be telling the parent this in no uncertain terms. What nonsense.

By all means speak to your son and tell him not to use such language and why. But do speak to the school too and ask them if it is there policy to respond in such a way over an 'incident' at a weekend birthday party. Bloody nonsense.

As for the precious parents - they also need told to keep their complaints to the school about things that directly involve the school. Idiots.

HairyGrotter · 27/03/2014 06:06

IMO the parents have overreacted and are in for a shock in life if they get their knickers in a twist about 5 year olds dropping the off swear bomb.

I'm surprised at the school, too. Are they going to address every issue like this? They're making a rod for their own back.

Speak with DS, then shrug it off. However, I'm not uptight about swearing in anyone, it's all part of the wonderful tapestry that is our beautiful language.

I'll take my liberal hat off now

wonderingsoul · 27/03/2014 07:06

the first time you get called in is embarssing.. but it wont be the last ethier... because children do fuck up, they do get in trouble.. even the best behaved child does at some point.

and for what its worth.. i think the other parent is being over the top.. i wouldnt have complained at all. i would have just told my child its not a word that they should use.

Supercosy · 27/03/2014 07:19

Completely agree with adoptmama. Honestly, what a fuss on the behalf of those parents and the school. He is a very young child, they sometimes do copy things they've heard, it really doesn't warrant hauling you in and making a huge deal about it. Yanbu at all to feel upset about it and obviously you will talk to your DS but please don't be too mortified, kids do things like this all the time because they are little and they are learning and they have only been on earth for 60 months!

RustyBear · 27/03/2014 07:31

I think it's overreaction by the other child's parents too, but I can see why they did it - just imagine the AIBU from the other side....

"A few weeks ago, my DS came home from school and told me that a boy in his class has been teaching him to say 'silly bastard.' When I told the school they said there was no evidence the other child had done it and refused to speak to the parents - effectively accusing DS of making it up. They just held an assembly about swearing. Then on Saturday both boys were at a party and I actually heard this kid doing it again. AIBU to complain to the school to prove that DS wasn't lying?"

HaymitchAbarnathy · 27/03/2014 07:46

I just can't get that over excited about swearing especially something as mild as bastard said by a child who does t even really know what it means. I'd probably have said that's not a nice thing to say and then had a quiet word with you during which I'd probably have shared a laugh with you about the accent element! Total over reaction on the other parents' and school's part.

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 27/03/2014 07:51

So if you was at the party, why didn't the parents take it up with you then?

They sound like fuckwits tbh

AwfulMaureen · 27/03/2014 14:08

"Were" at the party.

LucilleBluth · 27/03/2014 14:16

What I want to know is was the child actually being a silly bastard

OP, don't sweat it, the parents are obvious ott, wait until they get to secondary school.

After three DCs, if my youngest came home from school and told me that someone had called her a silly bastard I would just tell her how rude in a comedy voice and explain that it's a swear word, no biggie.

rowna · 27/03/2014 14:37

It is upsetting at first. But then you realise they're just working with you to keep him on track. It's a very minor thing and I'm surprised they mentioned it. I'd just have a word with him about it.

I don't know anybody who hasn't had to stay back and see the teacher for their dc at one time or another. They all make mistakes. It's just about keeping them on the right track going forward and working with the school to guide them.

Having said that my heart still lurches when I see the teacher coming out heading in my direction.

kennyp · 27/03/2014 14:38

a kid in the class i work in said that "bob called me a cunt". that's FAR worse, imvho ;O) (i work in reception)

gimcrack · 27/03/2014 15:40

I once heard ds2, aged one, mutter 'buggah' when his Thomas fell off the track.

Original poster

caramellokoalalover · 27/03/2014 15:48

RustyBear are you the other parent?
Update is that I spoke to my DS about it. He admitted to making the other kids laugh by saying 'poo', 'wee', 'fart' and 'chickenlicken'. [Grin] They were all the words he confessed to knowing were swear words. I asked him if he had been saying 'silly' somethingorother - did not want to hand him a new swear word - and he looked at me blankly. He is a terrible liar so if he did say it then I doubt very much he has any idea what he's been saying. All the more reason I think for the other parent to have mentioned it at the time at the party on Saturday. I could have dealt with it then rather than days later and via the teacher, who wasn't even there.
Chatted to the teacher again this morning and said I was upset by how it has been handled, but reassured her I have spoken to my DS. She said not to worry about it and that they were aware it was 'easy to pin things' on my DS because he is such a 'lively character'.
Have pulled myself together now, thanks to lots of comforting MN words and a lot of ranting with my DH

OP posts:

Original poster

caramellokoalalover · 27/03/2014 15:50

kennyp if I get called in over the C word next week I'll fess up that I use that all the time at home

Maybe I should do a quick MN search on threads about 'what swear words your kids have said'. Some of these are gold.

OP posts:

playftseforme · 27/03/2014 15:53

One of the pre-school teachers took me to one side and felt the need to tell me that my ds had said to another child that they would 'kill them like a chicken' It hadn't been witnessed or overheard, the other child reported it. I was a bit taken aback because I didn't really understand what anyone was hoping to achieve from that information exchange. Perfectly possible that my ds did say it, but i can't discpline based on hearsay.
Your situation isn't any less odd frankly.

YouTheCat · 27/03/2014 16:03

I shouldn't worry about it, even if he had said anything. I've heard much worse. There was a lovely, tiny girl in dd's reception class who I believe had adhd. She could be great but if she was having a meltdown she'd call everyone 'cunts'.

Tanith · 27/03/2014 16:17

Reminds me of the time one of our toddlers came out with "Oh for f*'s sake!"

I was horrified. When her dad came to pick her up, I apologised profusely, promised to keep a close eye, but that I really couldn't think how she'd picked it up.

He went bright red. "Um, actually I think it was me!"

Tanith · 27/03/2014 16:23

Then there was the time my DS drew his very own design of a new type of boat. He proudly showed his Granny before telling her he'd made up a name for it by mixing "Canoe" and "Punt"

He even spelled it for her

Original poster

caramellokoalalover · 27/03/2014 16:26

Tanith you should be proud of his spelling skills. Clearly very bright

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