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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being a d*ck re Mothers Day

48 replies

ninipops · 25/03/2014 20:01

For the last 4 yrs, since DD1 was born, DH has made a big deal in the run up to Mothers Day about how he hates "made up" holidays eg Mothers & Fathers Day. I know some people aren't bothered but he's never asked me if I care - obviously I do - so it kinda takes all the good out of the supermarket chocs & flowers he forces himself to buy. He has no problem accepting father' s day gifts tho.

I know in the big scheme of things its not that important so let me have it!

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 25/03/2014 20:04

Well one glaringly obvious solution is to tell him how you feel about it and explain that, whilst it might not be important to him, it is to you and you would like him to respect that.

lifelorn · 25/03/2014 20:09

I too hate the commercialisation of Mothering Sunday. What I requested when my children were young was a home made card from each of them and a day when I didn't have to go into the kitchen. We never went out for meals (they are always a disappointment on 'special' days). It was soo nice just to have a day off. When the children were older they sometimes bought me some daffodils but always the week before as prices and quality were better.

So agree with DH I am sure he will enjoy catering for an entire day!!

GertTheFlirt · 25/03/2014 20:12

I dont need a day to tell me my family love me. We work together in the house, we all always have. It wouldnt really make an iota of difference if the children of DH cooked - they always have. I'd rather have mutual respect and the pulling of weight 365 than on high days and holidays

JimmyCorkhill · 25/03/2014 20:15

I always make a big effort for Father's Day and do feel disappointment when I get the token gesture on Mother's Day. I am reading a book at the moment called Mindset by Carol Dweck and she has an example like yours but about birthdays. The female (after years of disappointment) actually tells her DH that she would appreciate him putting some thought and effort into her birthday and it works! It made me realise how I silently fume each year but I've never told him I'm upset with my supermarket novel and card which DD has not even seen before I've opened it.
So today I told him it woud mean the world to me if he could work with DD to make me something for Mother's Day. Fingers crossed!
The way she did it in the book was not to be confrontational but to say it like I did eg. it would mean a great deal to me if...

FabBakerGirl · 25/03/2014 20:15

If he moans again about the day DO NOT get him anything for Father's Day. He either likes to celebrate or he doesn't. Idiot.

clam · 25/03/2014 20:22

Well, actually, Mother's Day is not a "made-up" day. It's Mothering Sunday, which is on the Church calendar. He's right about Father's Day however! Wink

CommanderShepard · 25/03/2014 20:24

Made up holidays - as opposed to... what? If he's suggesting that Christmas and Easter are 'real', for example, then Mothering Sunday is too, it being in the church calendar.

Father's Day, on the other hand...

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2014 20:25

Why is he buying you anything for Mother's Day?

Surely he'd just supervise your child making a card?

CocktailQueen · 25/03/2014 20:30

Mothering Sunday us actually a very old holiday - when people left school at 14 and went into service in houses or to work on farms a long way from home, Mothering Sunday was a day off when they would get to go back home and see their families! So your dh is being ignorant as well as grumpy.

However, Father's Day is a made up holiday ...

But either way, if he doesn't 'believe' in one, he shouldn't get pressies for fathes day either!!

givemeaclue · 25/03/2014 20:34

Fine, book yourself a lovely day off by yourself on Sunday tell him he is on childcare.

Original poster
ninipops · 25/03/2014 20:57

Giveme - I did think of that & had an offer of an extension to a course I've been doing for a knock down price on mothers day & when I checked with him (hoping he would have something planned) the response I got was "I was hoping to watch the football". So I'm pissed off with him cause it looks like business as usual and pissed off with myself for not telling him I'm pissed off.

OP posts:
Famzilla · 25/03/2014 21:08

I kinda agree with him tbh. Pile of crap in my opinion. However I wouldn't happily accept gifts from DH then either, I'm not his mother.

When DC's are a bit older I will obviously be very thankful for the cards they make in school or whatever, but I won't be doing anything on the day just because someone else says I should.

BornFreeButinChains · 25/03/2014 21:10

Its very joyless isnt it.

It isnt about HIM and how he feels about it, he isnt hte mother, if he wants to express his opinion on fathers day fine.

Very selfish, I know someone like this, it gets me down TBH

BornFreeButinChains · 25/03/2014 21:11

This really touches a nerve with me, if my DH was really hoping to get some sort of recognition on FD, if it was important to him I would feel so dis respectful for totally side lining him and just doing my own thing.

its so rude.

TheGreatHunt · 25/03/2014 21:17

Just tell him that it matters to you. You can't complain if he doesn't know.

givemeaclue · 25/03/2014 21:29

Just say, I am going out. It is mothers day. Who cares whether he was planning to watch football

PuppyMonkey · 26/03/2014 07:47

My DP is a bit grumpy about commercialised holidays - especially hates Valentine's. But even he will make sure I have a lie-in on Mother's/Mothers' Day and supervise kids doing a card. He's also invited his mum round on Sunday (my mum passed away last year) and is cooking us a stew and taking us to the pub. I'll do the same for him on Father's Day. It's nice to do something nice so why not?

MagnaCharge · 26/03/2014 07:57

I totally agree with your DH. Absolutely stupid commercial card shop holiday. I accept a hand made card from the children if they have made one at school but have an absolute ban on shop bought cards and presents.
Yes I know Mothering Sunday is a church event but seeing as a) I am not religious and b) it is to do with visiting your home church/cathedral and bugger all to do with actual mothers; I have nothing to do with it.

Pagwatch · 26/03/2014 07:58

But the problem isn't Mother's Day is it?
You say to him that there is something in particular that you would like to do and be says 'but I want to watch the football'
And then you fume and say nothing.
Why is that?

Why would you do that.
Why would you not just say 'don't be daft. This is something I really want to do. Why are you blathering on about football - you can watch the football next week.
And why, in 4 years, have you not simply said 'actually I think the idea of Mother's Day is nice and it would mean a lot to me to get a card of a flower or something from the children - just like you get on fathers day'

Why is that?

Sirzy · 26/03/2014 08:00

If you know he doesn't like Father's Day why do you waste time and money buying him something?

MagnaCharge · 26/03/2014 08:01

I also find it quite amusing that on MN adults celebrating their own birthdays is frowned upon; yet mothers must be spoilt with presents and special outings on this irrelevant (to most people) Christian celebration.

Pagwatch · 26/03/2014 08:02

It doesn't really matter if other people don't like Mother's Day . The op does.

I get presents and a breakfast in bed or some such . I like it. It's another chance to teach children to be kind and consider others .
DH is away this week. Dd has ready made him help her get her 'treat ' ready . It's thoughtful of her so all good.

OwlCapone · 26/03/2014 08:03

He isn't your mother.

As a lone parent, I simply shut my children in a room with a supply of blank cards and craft materials and get them to make me cards.

OwlCapone · 26/03/2014 08:03

Your problem clearly isn't about Mothering Sunday at all.

Pagwatch · 26/03/2014 08:06

Actually Magna my experience of mn is that women wanting a present or card for Mother's Day or their birthday or Christmas makes them pathetic and cheerfully flogging yourself with a dishcloth is the only acceptable reaction to any event where one could remotely expectyour partner or children be nice to you.