To let my 16 month old fall asleep downstairs?

[justasmallone]

I've just spoken to our health visitor who has instructed me to get Ds into more of a routine and to use controlled crying.

I would not use Cc, although I have no issues with other parents doing this. We let Ds fall asleep on us and we put him in his cot when we go to bed. This works in our family and I don't see why we would change it at the moment.

Hv thinks as Ds doesn't go in his cot for naps and in the evening it may be contributing to his head butting? She seemed to think he has no routine, he does.

What's happening with the head butting - is that what you asked the HV for advice about?

(Also, the HV can't instruct you, she can simply advise. You can choose to ignore her, or get another opinion from elsewhere).

ex yes, thats what I wanted to talk to her about. He headbuts alot.

I did the same as you with all 3 of my DC, although there was no headbutting.

I was going to say the same as Ex, a HV gives advice not instructions.

I totally agree in theory that I can ignore her but she was very forceful.

Some of the wording she used scared me and shes coming back in a few weeks. I don't want her to.

I don't think you have to see her? I know after one particularly upsetting visit from one with Ds1 - I refused all further contact.

Health visitors with ds2 have all been lovely and helpful though.

You don't have to see her if you don't want to. It's a voluntary service, they can't insist on seeing you and thy can't insist on you following their "instructions".

With the headbutting, is it that he's headbutting other people, or doing it against something eg the floor and so potentially hurting himself?

Watching this with interest as I have a headbutting 18mo DS.

He goes to sleep in his cot though, and rarely anywhere else, and has done since he was about 6 months old.

I have a non headbutting toddler, who won't nap in her cot at all.

Hes has headbutted people a few times but usually its the floor etc. he also gently headbutts when tired.

Not sleeping in a cot causes headbutting? What utter crap. She can't 'instruct' you to do anything and you don't have to see her again.

I don't see how headbutting is related to napping downstairs - did she explain how one affects the other?

There is no reason at all to connect head butting with where a child sleeps!

IMO some HV (and some parents!) are way over the top with regimented regimes and advice to do things "the right way". That works with some kids, and some parents, and never will with others.

When HV returns, you have 2 options, lie, and say he's mostly sleeping in his cot now, or tell her you are happy with your own sleep routine of him falling asleep with you downstairs.

Bring the conversation back round to head butting and see what suggestions she has about causes... Or better still, consider seeing your GP about it if you are not happy with HV advice.

Could he be doing it as a distraction from pain? Sore ear? Teething?

Afaik that kind of head butting (whilst sleepy) is a comfort thing strange as it may sound. This article explains it really well.

Im dont really understand the link she was making. By the tim she left I felt I was doing everytimg wrong. Thanks ex, i'll have a read of that.

Raw I am going to think about it over night but I think I am going to ring her a d cancel the next visit.

My DS was a big head butter. Me, DH, the floor, his high chair, on extreme days the table... and, most of all, the cot. Your HV's advice makes no sense to me. He head butt in anger, in tiredness, in frustration,and as a comfort thing (weird but true). Then he grew out of it thank Christ.
Work on removing unwanted behaviour, work on communication so he can express himself, keep him from concussing himself, and it'll go away one day. I don't think where he sleeps will make a blind bit of difference.

The only way I could see not sleeping in a cot causing head banging is if he was head banging on the cot out of frustration when he found himself in his cot when he woke (if he wasn't used to being contained by it, I mean).

If falling asleep on you works and he transfers to bed OK, and sleeps well, then no reason to change. In fact, I can see it being somewhat of an advantage in some circumstances, eg on holiday you can go to the evening entertainment and let him sleep on you (whereas my DD won't sleep properly anywhere but her cot, so days out etc often result in an overtired little madam).

Thats reassuring twelve. I am pretty sure he will grow out of it.

I'm drip feeding here.. She aldo said that He maybe doing it as 4 year old dd has hit and kicked him onvthe idd occassions. She said I must never leave them aline together. She used the words child protection and said he is on the path to self harming as hes in sheer despair. in the next breath, sh was saying how happy and content he id.

Excuse typos!

Oh and she said 4 year old is bullying him.

My DB used to headbutt because of his glue ear.

Interesting Fraz, might be worth a trip to docs

head butting is due to not sleeping in a cot? That's a new one!

My DN was a head butter. First nephew, grandchild of the family. No one bullied him. It's not self harming! It's just a comfort type of thing when they get tired or frustrated.

Just do what is right for you.