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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to have Mother's Day how I planned.

46 replies

eltsihT · 12/03/2014 07:15

So I wanted to go out for lunch for mothers day with my dh and 2 ds.

I agreed we could invite MiL as she is touchy if she is forgotten.

MiL has now decided that we are going to celebrate my BiL 50th birthday on mothers day so has cancelled our table reservation at a nice restaurant (which I booked last month) and is now trying to find somewhere to seat 12 people that caters for 2 adults who only eat KFC/mcdonalds type food and probably won't come anyway.

And as it's dh family I will have to spend what was support to be my nice lunch where he entertains our ds doing exactly that.

Anyone else's Mother's Day already spoilt

OP posts:
RoaringTiger · 12/03/2014 07:19

I'm sorry I wouldn't go, how rude of mil! You invited her to join your day, if she chooses not to then so be it but my partner would be saying 'sorry can't make that day for celebrating db's birthday as we already have pre arranged plans for mothers day' I wouldn't need to ask him too.

WipsGlitter · 12/03/2014 07:19

I don't get why it has to be such a big deal. I'll just get a card.

Can you not go for a nice lunch another time, it will probably be nicer and less of a rip off when it's not Mother's Day.

And get lashed into the wine on the bil's birthday

Pippintea · 12/03/2014 07:19

She cancelled your reservation? Did she tell you she was doing that? Rebook it for the 4 if you and tell her you will see her and everyone else later in the day.

WilsonFrickett · 12/03/2014 07:21

Ok, we don't make a fuss about mother's day at all, just a card and a kiss off DS usually, but this is waaaay out of order. You don't join someone's social event, at their invitation, then take it upon yourself to cancel it!

I'd phone your original venue today and see if they could get your original booking re-instated. Meet them after their lunch for cake and to sing happy birthday, if you feel like it and the timings work.

But this is really unacceptable behaviour, don't stand for it.

Onesieone · 12/03/2014 07:22

What a rude thoughtless selfish woman! I agree I would rebook and tell her u will see them afterwards. Is that the actual day of the bil's birthday? God I'm fuming here for u

DoItTooJulia · 12/03/2014 07:26

YANBU! Rude rude rude. Don't go. Reinstate your original booking and tell her that it's rude.

Original poster
eltsihT · 12/03/2014 07:27

She organised it through my DH who because it's his mum just agreed with her.

I am a sahm (boys are 1 and 3) and dh works away a lot so I booked this weekend off in his work diary at the start of the year and just want a nice lunch out so I had no washing up to do as if dh cooks I will end up cleaning the kitchen

OP posts:
Original poster
eltsihT · 12/03/2014 07:29

BiL birthday is not mother days but he only has Sundays off. He doesn't want to do anything for his birthday. So she is ruining my Mother's Day and his birthday

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 12/03/2014 07:29

Ah. So your beef is actually with DH. Tell him how you feel and have him rebook the original restaurant and tell MIL that is what you are doing then. But really, if she spoke to DH first then she has not been nearly as rude as your OP suggested - that's a pretty big drip feed.

And why is a man incapable of making a lunch and cleaning a kitchen?

CambridgeBlue · 12/03/2014 07:30

I hate people making a big deal about birthdays/Mothers Day etc and find it really spoilt and self centred so I read your thread title and was going to say YABU. But that is a bit much - Mother's Day or not I'd be really annoyed at someone changing my plans like that!

Morgause · 12/03/2014 07:30

Your MiL isn't ruining it, your DH is. He could have said no.

CambridgeBlue · 12/03/2014 07:31

But having read the updates your DH needs to grow a pair as well - and learn how to wash up!

RoaringTiger · 12/03/2014 07:35

Well then I'd be pissed off with dh, and would be explaining how hurt and undervalued by him I felt. You arranged that day (really he should have had the incline to do it) he should have a. Realised it was something that felt reletively important/special for you all to do and b. Had the decency to speak to you and ask how you felt about changing the plans rather than just doing so. How would he feel if he'd arranged to spend quality time with you and you changed plans or invited lots of others without asking him first?

Fifyfomum · 12/03/2014 07:38

why is a man incapable of making lunch and cleaning a kitchen

Not 'a' man, just This man. Plenty of men are perfectly capable of making lunch and cleaning the kitchen afterwards, mine does it nearly every weekend.

Hissy · 12/03/2014 07:40

Rebook the table and call BIL and tell him if he wants you to come over for cake etc, you will do. Is he married? Won't his dw want her mother's day (assuming they have dc)

LadyintheRadiator · 12/03/2014 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NormHonal · 12/03/2014 07:46

I do sympathise, OP, as my past two Mothers Days have ended up being MIL-centred with me doing all of the work.

I've put my foot down this year.

Bloodyteenagers · 12/03/2014 07:53

Ok t wasn't your plan, but she is also a mum who also should be able to do something on her day. She spoke to her son about it and he agreed. Take it up with him if it's that big a deal.

He ally doesn't have to do anything special for you, you are not his mum.

TamerB · 12/03/2014 07:54

Have your nice lunch out another day.

pictish · 12/03/2014 08:05

It's nbu to not want plans to be scrapped in favour of something else...although if it were me, I wouldn't give a monkey's because I'm not arsed about Mothers Day.

However when you say "I agreed we could invite MiL as she is touchy if she is forgotten" I find myself devoid of any sympathy for you.

aGirlDownUnder1 · 12/03/2014 08:19

YANBU! Your MiL is just being rude and insensitive especially since you have made a special effort to include her. She has just ruined your day and your BIL's day too.

You should just go out for lunch the 4 of you and leave MiL to it.

CMP69 · 12/03/2014 09:56

It's her mother's day too. She wants to spend it with her 2 sons Shock
Remember this in 20 years when your DIL's don't want you spoiling their mothers day Sad

StarSwirl92 · 12/03/2014 10:15

'He really doesn't have to do anything special for you, you are not his mum.'

No, she's just the woman who gave birth to his children.Angry

YANBU OP.

ShadowOfTheDay · 12/03/2014 10:24

mother's day was traditionally so that people got to spend a day with their mothers - after they had left home..... OPs kids see her every day.... and she is not her DH's mother.....

I would have been mortified if my MIL felt forgotten by her son... to me "Mother's day" is not about me, me, me - though I am a mum.... it is about the mums whose kids are not at home - so MY mum and DH's mum

monkeytennismum · 12/03/2014 10:25

I don't think YABU, but maybe a bit precious.

I'm not bothered about 'celebrating' Mothers' Day (as my Mum never has been), BUT I do think it's a day where I should please myself. My MiL is quite precious about Mothers' Day, so for the last two years DH has taken the kids to her for lunch and I've not gone. They get to give me breakfast in bed/cards and then I can do what I want! (I get on with my MiL very well btw, but she can be demanding and that's when I choose not to go).

As other posters have said, you'll be in the same situation in 20/30 yrs time so show her a bit of empathy. However, she has been underhand on this occasion and your DH has been rubbish. Get him to sort the situation out and have your original plans.

Good luck!