To want to have Mother's Day how I planned.

[eltsihT]

So I wanted to go out for lunch for mothers day with my dh and 2 ds.

I agreed we could invite MiL as she is touchy if she is forgotten.

MiL has now decided that we are going to celebrate my BiL 50th birthday on mothers day so has cancelled our table reservation at a nice restaurant (which I booked last month) and is now trying to find somewhere to seat 12 people that caters for 2 adults who only eat KFC/mcdonalds type food and probably won't come anyway.

And as it's dh family I will have to spend what was support to be my nice lunch where he entertains our ds doing exactly that.

Anyone else's Mother's Day already spoilt

My lovely Mum sees Mothering Sunday as a day when I should be spoiled, as I'm now the one doing the daily bum-wipes/ lunch boxes/ nose-wipes etc.

Probably because of this attitude, I always make an extra special effort for her on Mothers Day (and don't expect my DH to do anything special as I'm not his Mum), but I think it would be fairer to accuse your MIL of preciousness, given that I assume she's not actually actively parenting your DH any more.

YANBU

Mothering Sunday is all about Jesus, Mary and a cave. It's orgins are fuck all to do with sons who have left home.

I'm not sure it's origins are that relevant, are they?

Maybe that's the problem. Everyone has their own ideas of what the day Means, and sometimes those ideas are going to conflict and cause the kind of situation outlined in the OP.

Personally I'm happy with a card with a hand-print on it and a snotty kiss.

YANBU
I regularly get 'forgotten' by my son. I am very pleased my DIL doesn't regard it as her role to remind/buy for him at my birthday etc. I don't care if he forgets. He has his own family now. I know he loves me and it means more to me when he sends a 'saw this, thought of you' type message than a card/dinner invite bought out of obligation.
I agree the problem is your DH and your BIL.

I agreed we could invite MiL as she is touchy if she is forgotten.

Sorry but that ^^ really made me laugh out loud!

It's Mother's Day and she's your DH's Mother. Of course she'd be touchy if she was forgotten.

Your kids are 1 and 3...too young to take you out of a meal.

Your MIL was rude to cancel a booking you made, but I really do think you have the whole Mother's Day thing arse ways up.

I will admit I like to get spoilt on mothers day, just as i (and the kids) spoil DH on fathers day. I also make an effort for my DM and DMIL

however, its mainly a cup of tea in bed, a little gift from the dc, some drawings and a big family lunch with all mothers included that are in the family.

what your dh/mil did was wrong, however you are NOT the only mother in the world. The others deserve a bit of celebration too!

CMP I think if the MIL had asked if the BiL could also be added to a mothering sunday lunch at the location planned the OP would be happy. Changing it to an entirely different celebration and cancelling the booking prior to finding somewhere else suitable isn't on.

YANBU

Rebook your table and tell your mil and bil you hope they have a lovely day, you DH can choose where he wishes to spend the day

Sorry but I agree with CMP69 and ShadowOfTheDay.

This way MIL gets to spend lunch with her 2 sons - and a 50th birthday is a 'biggie'. You also get to do out to lunch with your DCs - so no cooking etc.
I cannot see the problem as your DH agreed to it, she didn't just change it without this.

Op I think one gets a taste of what your MIL is like, in the way she just cancelled the booking without I presume asking or consultation.

She sounds quite forceful and domineering.

I guess your next step depends on what sort of future relationship you want with her.

In this case, I would probably mention the cancelled booking but agree to go along with the KFC/Macdonalds idea.

"I agreed we could invite MiL as she is touchy if she is forgotten" - I think she should have been included anyway, since it's MOTHERS DAY! You aren't the only mother in the family.

I think DH is at fault for agreeing to the change.

I think you're being rather rude actually. 50th birthday is a way bigger deal than Mother's Day.

Important question: is your BiL's birthday on Mothering Sunday itself?

I agree, origins are not relevant, I was simply correcting a PP who said that mothers day 'originally' was for mothers whose children have left home. Which is a complete fabrication.

YABU and selfish. You agreed to invite MIL? Well how big of you.

People who get het up about Mother's Day when they have teeny little children are bizarre IMO. Lovely card from preschool is the sum total of my requirements!

YANBU if you had planned a day and she has cancelled it without asking and planned something else that is just not fair. I would be unhappy too.

It doesn't matter what the day is for the fact is you had organised it and invited her, she had no right to cancel and change plans.

I think new mothers - ie with small children are naturally the ones who will most get het up about mothers day, because they are in the firing line day in and day out.

Small children are hard work and demanding, of course the mother should be spoilt, should she want to be.

My own DH is an amazing Father to our DC and this is not something I take for granted, if I could afford too I would go to town on Fathers day for him on behalf of our dc, as it stands he gets cards and small token gift and we do something nice.

OP, I think some posters are being really harsh. Your MIL has been incredibly rude. I think it is perfectly natural for mother's day to be more about you and not MIL as you have small children.

Your DH really needs to step up to the plate and support you on this one. It has nothing to do with you not being his mother as others have said - he should be up for celebrating what a fab job you are doing for his children on a daily basis.

I'd re-book and just go with the kids.

I knew my H wouldn't plan anything for my first Mother's Day so I took DS out for a lovely afternoon tea and enjoyed it very much. H was utterly shocked when we got back.

I'll be at work so to be honest be glad you will get to go out for any sort of lunch

'He really doesn't have to do anything special for you, you are not his mum"

erm... she's the mother to his young, demanding children. he bloody should be doing something special for her! but i also agree he should do something nice for his own mum too.

OP, your line about her feeling touchy for being left out is not very nice. if it was just you and your mum going for lunch on mother's day then fair enough, but if your DH is coming along he should be inviting his own mum too.

i'm telling my DP to take his mum out for lunch on mother's day with our DD. i plan on lounging on the couch, coffee in hand with my choice of telly whilst they go. the afternoon will see me, my mum, sis, godmother and my DD going out to our favourite restaurant, and then in the evening DP will be staying home with DD and i'm going drinking with my friends who are also mums. perfect.