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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

And selfish about my friend?

32 replies

montgomerymadison · 04/03/2014 19:05

We are a group of friends from school and we have drifted apart, out of 6 of them I would only consider 3 of them friends I make effort with and see regularly. As a whole group we rarely meet up (once every 4/5 months)

I have another group of friends that I've known 3/4 years and they are so completely different to my other friends.

One of the school friends seems to moan quite a lot that I go on nights out with said group of friends and how she wants to meet them do she can be invited to the nights out etc

From my point of view (which could potentially be very selfish) I don't want to mix the group of friends and would rather keep the two seperate. Aibu?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 04/03/2014 19:06

Nope.

Yama · 04/03/2014 19:07

Yes, YABU.

lazyhound444 · 04/03/2014 19:07

Not at all. My friends are much more "interlinked" these days but I used to have loads of different groups of friends, former school, work, college, blah blah. You're under no obligation to introduce anyone to anyone else. Sounds like this friend doesn't have much social life of her own and wants to highjack yours.

bigwellylittlewelly · 04/03/2014 19:08

Yanbu

ditavonteesed · 04/03/2014 19:08

bet your glad thats cleared up then.

Hassled · 04/03/2014 19:09

Not at all unreasonable.

But is the moany friend actually in desperate need of new friends and very lonely? If so - can you help her out in some other way - pointing her in the direction of maybe MN local meet-ups, etc?

Hexbugsmakemeitch · 04/03/2014 19:10

Definitely not being unreasonable. I have a number of friendship groups (school friends, uni friends, work friends, NCT friends, school gate friends) and I don't mix the groups (tends to throw the dynamics off if it's an established group).

Some of them have met each other (e .g. At the DCs birthday parties) but I'd think it deeply weird if someone was insisting on being invited to another group.

HandragsNGladbags · 04/03/2014 19:10

Not if you don't think they would get on.

I have different groups of very lovely friends but can usually make a good guess at who would get on and who really wouldn't gel.

LimitedEditionLady · 04/03/2014 19:33

I dont mix my friends,I like to have different people to meet with and they dont have much in common with each other anyway.

Pimpf · 04/03/2014 19:35

Why should you? Her attitude with really get my back up. Yanbu

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 04/03/2014 19:37

I don't mix my friends either. I've seen a fair few posts on here about people who've brought a friend into a long standing group only to find themselves side lined.

I'm not a big fan of change tbh I have a few close friends and a few casual friendships. I like the dynamics of each small group.

CeliaLytton · 04/03/2014 19:38

YANBU.

Divinity · 04/03/2014 19:53

YANBU. Don't think your other mates would like a moaning-Minnie anyway.

WitchWay · 04/03/2014 19:56

I have only mixed different groups at big parties and at one disastrous dinner party

Why is this friend so keep to join the other group? Is she jealous or controlling?

WooWooOwl · 04/03/2014 19:57

YANBU.

pussycatdoll · 04/03/2014 20:01

I keep mine separate too
I even had 4 hen dos Blush

  1. school friends , 2. Uni friends 3. Old work friends 4. Current work friends Blush
lazyhound444 · 04/03/2014 20:03

Lol pussycatdoll. I had 3 hen dos for the same reason!

dinosaursarebisexual · 04/03/2014 20:06

YANBU.

EverythingCounts · 04/03/2014 20:13

YANBU. If you introduce someone to a different group of friends, it means you have to spend time helping them integrate into the group, so basically it becomes for a bit at least about you 'babysitting' them not actually enjoying your other friends' company. And it changes the dynamic if they're not a very easygoing person - which it doesn't sound like this friend is. You're not obliged to arrange new friendships or social circles for this person's benefit. Let them sort themselves out. One thing I would ask is are you posting lots on Facebook about your nights out with the group? If so it might be wise to dial that down for a bit.

LoonvanBoon · 04/03/2014 20:16

YANBU - but I'm struggling to think of a (tactful) way you could tell the moany friend that you don't want to introduce her to your other friends.

What do you plan to say if she keeps badgering you about it?

DarlingGrace · 04/03/2014 20:16

FB??? I have an acquaintance who just 'steals' everyone elses friends, shes like a mad ripple through FB and groups ... it pisses everyone off

LucySnoweShouldRelax · 04/03/2014 20:36

Hmm. One of my, still very good, friends used to do this to a pathalogical degree. We weren't allowed to go to the shop that she worked in, because she didn't want to mix Uni and work friends. She would try to veto us going to certain events, because she would be there with her school friends. Once we met a girl from another one of her classes on the street and she didn't introduce me. But that was obviously an extreme, and stranger, I think, because we were in University, when everyone is meeting new people frequently, it's not a seismic event.

I've met other friends of my friends who are completely different to me, but I'll happily hang out for an afternoon or whatever, it's no skin off my nose and I usually enjoy it. Sometimes I don't, but hey, it's for a friend.

Most of my friends, from two distinct groups know each other (mostly because I could not be dicked to have separate parties, for one), and could have a drink together. But I'm not embarrassed to introduce them, which I get the feeling you are, maybe? The asking to hang out strikes as a bit desperate - is she one of the three good school friends?

Viviennemary · 04/03/2014 20:44

YANBU. Your friend sounds a bit pushy to me. The type that will take over. If she knew others in the group that would be different but it doesn't sound as if she does. She should wait to be invited and not push in. No don't.

chrome100 · 04/03/2014 21:10

YABU. Why in earth can't you invite her and mix the groups?

captainmummy · 04/03/2014 21:20

chrome - because she doesn't want to.

I wouldn't either.

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