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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD's first haircut

53 replies

dippylongstocking · 04/03/2014 01:09

My mil looked after dd for the afternoon so I could take dm to hospital appointment. She sent me texts and photos throughout the day informing me just how much fun they were having which I thought was quite nice and it cheered my mum up.

When I went to collect dd she already had her hat & coat on and was almost asleep so I put her straight in the car. I got home and took off her hat & coat to find that her hair was a lot shorter than it was this morning.

I called mil and she said dd's hair had needed a 'tidy-up' (shouldn't I decide that?) and she had saved me the cost of a hairdresser. I was furious, but didn't let my anger show as I think she was just trying to help. I asked if she had at least saved dd's first lock of hair, but she said she hadn't thought of doing that and had chucked it all.

AIBU to be upset about this? Not much I can do about it now, anyway, but I can't sleep for thinking about it.

OP posts:
RealAleandOpenFires · 04/03/2014 01:13

Hell no! you have every right to be vvvvbu. She was bang out of order. In-fact tell her, that will be the first and last thing she'll ever do behind your back.

Adeleh · 04/03/2014 01:13

YANBU. I suspect your MiL meant well, but she really overstepped the mark. The first haircut is quite emotive. She shouldn't have done that.

NoodleOodle · 04/03/2014 01:16

I would have been both furious and distraught. YANBU

It was a totally thoughtless thing for her to have done. There isn't anything you can do about the haircut now, but you can let her know your feelings on the issue and how much interference you can put up with for future visits.

You did very well not to give her a dressing down or burst in to tears when you first noticed TBH. Now you have overnight and tomorrow daytime to carefully consider how you will address this with her, and IMO it does need to be addressed rather than forgotten about.

RealAleandOpenFires · 04/03/2014 01:16

Sorry that should've been extremely nbu Blush

Original poster
dippylongstocking · 04/03/2014 01:21

Thanks guys. I will certainly bring it up with her tomorrow. DH was quite cross about it, but he said he wanted to sleep on it before confronting her as he has a habit of saying things he can't take back in the heat of the moment!

OP posts:
bashifuku · 04/03/2014 02:10

YANBU! It's pretty bloody obvious that you should check with a child's mother before taking them to get their hair cut.

Amy106 · 04/03/2014 03:42

You are definitely NOT unreasonable! I would be very angry if I were you.
Glad to hear dh will be dealing with it. She needs to be told.

chocolatesolveseverything · 04/03/2014 04:08

YANBU I'm shocked that your mil thought that was an ok thing to do without your permission.

MusicalEndorphins · 04/03/2014 04:24

I'd be angry too. It was out of line for her to do that. I am sorry, but at least it will grow back and you can be there for the next one.

DarlingGrace · 04/03/2014 05:01

It will grow back. It's not an amputation.

chrome100 · 04/03/2014 05:20

Agreed. It's only hair! It'll grow back.

Birdsgottafly · 04/03/2014 05:37

I think that it needs addressing.

Keeping a lock of their child's hair is important to some people and if that is the case then you need to make that clear.

Your DD may lose teeth when she is with your MIL, if you want these things she needs to be told.

"Firsts" matter to some parents, I was as close to my Nan as I was my Mum, (and cherished that relationship) so I wouldn't have wanted them to fall out over these things, but sort them out.

You have got a lot of "firsts" to come.

I've got three DD's on my third I was happy for my Mum/DH to take over, tbh.

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 04/03/2014 05:48

If she had just cut her hair that's one thing, but she didn't say anything and your dd already had her hat on. Was she banking on you thinking before you spoke rather than seeing it with her?

NobodyLivesHere · 04/03/2014 06:19

Not unreasonable. It's a 'first' that you should decide as her parents, not MIL's place.

Logg1e · 04/03/2014 06:32

This would have ridiculously upset me. I think you and your husband should tell her how you feel, and then don't say anything else, let her fill the silence.

DailyBread · 04/03/2014 06:37

I would have been furious and very, very upset.

What a strange thing to even consider doing to somebody else's child.

sparklyskyy · 04/03/2014 06:43

Ouch. Totally over stepping the mark.

I was talking to my MIL the other day and she mentioned someone cutting her oldest son's hair when he was a tot and she was gutted as it was all curly and lovely. He's now in his forties and she still remembers it!

Now I'm not saying you should be holding a grudge for all eternity but that was out of order.

TheGreatHunt · 04/03/2014 06:46

Yanbu

Yes its only hair but unless your baby was bald, the first trim is special for pfb

TeaOneSugar · 04/03/2014 06:51

MIL overstepped a lot of boundaries with dd (first gc) but even she wouldn't have done that.

GingerRodgers · 04/03/2014 06:55

YANBU.
Mil has had her own dc whose hair she could do with what she wanted but this is your child and whether it's 1st 2nd or 22nd haircut she needs to ask you first.

noblegiraffe · 04/03/2014 07:02

My MIL cut a wonky fringe into my PFB, requiring an emergency trip to the barber. She was mortified because it looked shit and she was only helping him to see out.
I laughed it off, but privately thought it was an odd thing to do. It's not like cutting toenails!

ZenGardener · 04/03/2014 07:03

It's weird but this has happened to a few friends of mine and I think it is awful. With one friend the MIL had actually tried to cut it herself and just made such a mess.

I would definitely talk to her about respecting boundaries as you know it is not going to stop here. If she does this she will do other things too. Speaking from my friends experiences.

cupcake78 · 04/03/2014 07:08

If be furious and she would know about it!

MangoBiscuit · 04/03/2014 07:08

Wow, I would have been fuming! I applaud your self control, and how reasonable you are being. Your MIL seriously over stepped there. I have ILs who used to think nothing of letting themselves in and reorganising our furniture, or our kitchen! But even they wouldn't have cut our DCs hair behind our backs.

DorothyBastard · 04/03/2014 07:34

YANBU. Putting her hat on first seems like a sneaky trick too, she knew what she'd some was not okay.