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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have hoped for some appreciation or acknowledgment.

27 replies

clockwatching77 · 24/02/2014 12:38

So dd lost something important. Me and dd spent ages looking for said item. I was doing housework and tidying at same time. Dh looked for about 5 minutes and than preceded to lecture her on looking after her things. ( fair enough I said same)
After about 4 hours we werelosing hope. Did bedtime for dc and continues search. By than dh was in bed as had to get up early.
I found it in ths last place possible.
Dd was grateful in the morning.
I rang dh to tell him and all he said was where was it. No well done or you must have worked harx to find it etc.
I am feeling so fed up of my efforts going unappreciated. He has even claimed quite recently that I I sit on my arse all day whilst he is at work.
We have 3 dc including an 18 month old so I work probably longer hours as he does really. I do all nightwakings and all bedtimes etc.
I also run a small business but it is suffering as I have so little time to devote to it.
Aibu

OP posts:
WhereMyMilk · 24/02/2014 12:40

No you're not, but I think you knew that already!

WipsGlitter · 24/02/2014 12:41

Well, it depends. How old is DD and what was the thing? Could she / should she have been able to find it without your help?

I think it goes beyond what you've written here and is more about you generally feeling unappreciated.

My DP would have had the same reaction. I'd not have bothered to phone him!

Unexpected · 24/02/2014 12:42

Is this the last straw? It sounds like a small thing to be so upset over but there is probably a back story here. I doubt DH thought much about how long or hard you had searched for the item - it probably just didn't occur to him! You might also have caught him at a bad time at work?

runningonwillpower · 24/02/2014 12:42

I'm reserving judgement until I know how old is dd and where was it?

travellingwilbury · 24/02/2014 12:43

How old is your dd ?

I can understand you wanting some thanks from your dd but I doubt I would be too bothered if my dh had found something that wasn't actually mine .

But it does sound like he is a general arse , have you told him that you feel unappreciated ?

shakinstevenslovechild · 24/02/2014 12:45

On this issue alone YABU I think, if dh found something one of our dc were looking for I would probably have had the same reaction as your dh.

I get why it has upset you though as it's all part of a bigger picture of not being appreciated. Have you told him how you feel?

CheeseStrawWars · 24/02/2014 12:45

I don't understand why you need him to say well done; that makes you sound like you're the child and he's the parent. Is your self-esteem contingent on the approval of others?

I don't really understand why you felt the need to ring him and say you'd found it either - it's not like it was an urgent/important thing, mention it in passing when he got home from work. I think there must be more back-story to this.

CoffeeTea103 · 24/02/2014 12:48

Yabu to have rung him for a well done. So you found it, big deal. I too would have been annoyed to have been bothered by that.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 24/02/2014 12:54

YABU about this incident but it sounds like you're feeling unappreciated in general.

littlemslazybones · 24/02/2014 12:56

YABU about needing thanks/ congratulations on finding as lost item - that's a bit needy.

Regardless, for all the other stuff YANBU to think your dh is a piss artist.

DoJo · 24/02/2014 13:01

I agree with others - I can't imagine ringing my husband just to tell him that I had found something, and would only expect a thank-you or a pat on the back such as you have mentioned if it was something that he had lost or needed. Was your daughter grateful?
However, you sound as though you feel generally under-appreciated which can't be fun. I would suggest, however, that if you decide to bring it up with your husband, you don't refer to this instance as it sounds like small fry and could make him less inclined to take you seriously.

ArsePaste · 24/02/2014 13:02

If it had been my DH who'd rang me at work to tell me something like this, I'd have been all "That's nice, dear", and then wondering why he'd bothered.

That can't possibly be all there is to this, though.

Impatientismymiddlename · 24/02/2014 13:05

You found it, you told your husband and he said 'where was it'?
I don't get it, what is the problem?
Did you want a chufty badge for being chief finder of lost items?

Original poster
clockwatching77 · 24/02/2014 13:06

Tbh it's not realy this incident alone. It's part of a general attitude where it is never acknowledged when I have a good day and get lots done. Yet if I have a difficult day with dd it is noticed.
For example I was up for several hours in the night wednesday evening as dd was sick. Toddler also wakes once or twice still.
Yet I had a day at home and managed to sort the aftermath of the vomiting laundry and probably cleaned and tidied half the house. Older two had a cinema day!

OP posts:
Original poster
clockwatching77 · 24/02/2014 13:07

I had to ring him about something else anyway and dd is a rather highly strung young 9 year old.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 24/02/2014 13:08

I don't think you can expect him to be grateful that you found the item. It wasn't his. I think you're being unreasonable. If he phoned you to say he'd lost his favourite pen at work I don't expect you'd be very interested. YABU. But I agree that three DC's and running a business is hardly an easy option for you.

Original poster
clockwatching77 · 24/02/2014 13:08

I think toddler may have moved item as it was behing a piece of furniture.

OP posts:
Original poster
clockwatching77 · 24/02/2014 13:10

Yes it is part of a bigger picture. It just sums up his general attitude.

OP posts:
Impatientismymiddlename · 24/02/2014 13:10

Now you have said its about other stuff it makes more sense.
Do you acknowledge and praise his hard work?
If you tell him that you are proud of his hard work and he never reciprocates then Your frustration is understandable. If you don't tell him that you appreciate his hard work then you have no grounds for feeling miffed.

Original poster
clockwatching77 · 24/02/2014 13:12

Sorry forgot to answer. It was an item required for school. She would have got in trouble if she lost it. Hence why she was stressed.

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 24/02/2014 13:14

He has even claimed quite recently that I sit on my arse all day whilst he is at work.

^^ This is what you should be getting in to a stew about. The example you posted seems pretty trivial but if the statement above is a true reflection of his attitude to you then you do have an issue.

Original poster
clockwatching77 · 24/02/2014 13:15

I guess I do acknowledge that he works hard at work. Probably not directly but through dc. Daddy has to work hard to pay for this etc. Just recently there has been little to praise at home but yes if he does do something I will acknowlede it.

OP posts:
Original poster
clockwatching77 · 24/02/2014 13:16

Yes 5ft5 ur right.

OP posts:
ahlahktuhflomp · 25/02/2014 09:58

Lol.. what? You phoned him at work to tell him you found a kid's thingy somewhere.

He was probably baffled tbh.

I don't think it would cross my mind to congratulate you in this scenario, frankly. I don't understand.

ConfusedDotty · 25/02/2014 10:04

Eh?

Really?

YABU !!!