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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how do you make your 3 year old walk nicely with you??

66 replies

lollipoppi · 23/02/2014 20:26

Please tell me your secret!

I see mums strolling hand in hand with their toddlers, around town centres and supermarkets, the toddlers just happily walking besides their mums an dads whilst they look at clothes, or decide what loaf of bread to buy.
How the fook do you do that?

I'm the mum that is constantly running after my 3yo DS, whilst he runs riot around the shops, with disapproving looks from strangers in a "can't you keep control of your son" kind of look, and my honest answer is "no"

So please, please tell me your secrets!

OP posts:

lljkk · 23/02/2014 20:28

sweets. You might be alarmed to know how often sweets are involved.

5madthings · 23/02/2014 20:29

ha ha ha...

my dd is three, she either walks nicely holding handa/with reins if needed or she goes in the pushchair.

i will warn her/give her a chance but if she is a pita, trying to run off etc in the puahchair she goes.

or bribery..

RamblingRosieLee · 23/02/2014 20:30

I have trouble and mine is older than 3! you may have a few years yet.

eltsihT · 23/02/2014 20:30

Mine is nearly 3. He walks nicely or he goes on the buggyboard/gets carried/in the pushchair.

formerbabe · 23/02/2014 20:30

My dd walks nicely with me...she seems to like taking a stroll with me. My ds would never walk nicely with me when he was a toddler! Its luck, that's all!

iago · 23/02/2014 20:31

You train dogs to work to heel with treats. My immediate thought on reading the OP was chocolate buttons!

edwinbear · 23/02/2014 20:32

Marking my place for answers. I got the dreaded 'could edwinbear please come to the customer services desk' in Sainsburys when ds had wandered off once. Whilst I was frantic when I realised he had gone, after I heard the announcement I made my way slowly, whilst relishing in getting the other things on my list in peace and quiet.

WorraLiberty · 23/02/2014 20:32

It starts very early ime

If I wanted my kids to sit in the buggy, I wouldn't give in to tantrums. Tantrums don't panic or embarrass me, so if they kept trying to climb out etc or went stiff when I tried to put them in, they knew they'd lose the battle

By the time they were old enough to walk beside me, they knew that holding my hand was not an option.

I think the key is consistency. If a child knows they don't have to hold your hand if they scream for long enough...they'll scream for long enough.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 23/02/2014 20:33

Reins and bribery. No pushchair but if he messes around I will put in him in the sling. Or carry him to out under my arm kicking and screaming. He's got a low tolerance for shopping though so I try and limit how to often we do it. Generally he's quite good for me (total nightmare and with his dad though).

theborrower · 23/02/2014 20:34

I don't know - our 3yo wants carried all the time - "daddy, I can't walk much!" Etc. maybe our fault because we still use the buggy if we're out for the day/ got to go a distance, but then again, she is pretty wee for her age.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 23/02/2014 20:36

Worra has a good point about consistency. I make DS hold my hand unless we're in the park. DH lets him run down the street, jogging along with him, stopping him from running into people's gardens etc. So he just knows mummy doesn't let him get away with it!

RandomMess · 23/02/2014 20:36

From the age of just 2 she wanted out like her big sisters. I pushed that empty pushchair for another 12 months with the threat of any non-compliance she would be in it.

I think she just then accepted "bad" behaviour wouldn't be tolerated and was okay once she was 3 - like I said it was 12 months of training prior to that.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 23/02/2014 20:36

I could not do this around shops, well, he would follow me but be touching and looking at everything and/or whining that he was bored. But general walking yes. The secret was that from the moment DS could walk I had the rule that he could walk if he wanted to, as long as we were not by a very busy road and he held hands nicely and listened. Any deviation and he had to go into the pushchair. But was allowed out again if he could follow the rules! When he was older I started to let him walk without holding hands but again the rule was if you aren't handling the freedom then you go back one step of freedom!

He's 5 now, zooms off ahead on his scooter, I trust him 100%. He's been upset in the past following other children because they didn't stop at the road but he did. The only time he ever ran into a (car park) was when he let go of a balloon, so then we had lots of conversations about how if something drops in the road what do we do, you have to wait for an adult to get it even if that means that the thing gets run over. We can always get another toy but we can't get another you.

I don't drive so road safety was always really important. I think when it's a necessity you just deal with it. Once DS started nursery (3.1) we stopped using the pushchair entirely. I had to pick him up a couple of times to simulate the lack of freedom but mostly by then he was fine anyway!

5madthings · 23/02/2014 20:36

yep i agree worra dd can scream her head off at being in the pushchair but i just ignore. she is no 5 so i am an old hat at toddler tantrums and can tune out quite well.

she has been known to scream the entire school run... its a half hour walk each way. but if its pissing down with rain or i have to be somewhete or she wont walk nicely in the buggy she goes, end of.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 23/02/2014 20:39

YYY to not being embarrassed by tantrums as well. They're toddlers... it's what they do

WorraLiberty · 23/02/2014 20:40

That's the thing 5mad, having more than one child does toughen you up, doesn't it?

If my youngest was having a toddler tantrum, well the other 2 still had to get to school, so tuning out or distracting along the way was all I could do.

BobFlemming · 23/02/2014 20:54

He's 5 now, zooms off ahead on his scooter, I trust him 100%.

Sorry but that is alarming, especially given that you don't drive, so don't have the safety awareness of a driver.

5madthings · 23/02/2014 20:55

Yep there jus isnt time for bargaining or reasoning withthem etc and the screaming doesnt phase me.

I do think you also need to let them walk when youcan, so inparks etc and at times I will setoff early for school pick upso dd canwalk, they wont learn howto walk nicely without practise, so I factor toddler walking time into my schedule but in the morning when I have to get the boys to school.. sorry but walk nicely or in you go.

gamerchick · 23/02/2014 20:59

reigns.

Allegrogirl · 23/02/2014 21:04

Luck. Nothing would work on my DD1. Nothing. At 6 she is still a fidget who has to climb every wall and skip, run to the lamp post and back, investigate everything. She doesn't run away anymore as she scared herself when she thought she's lost me. This was aged 4, didn't care before then. Reins and pushchair it was but she'd leg it in the park. Buggy board didn't work because she'd just step off with no warning.

DD2 has always walked nicely holding mummy's hand because she is a clingy mummy's girl. It wouldn't occur to her to run off but she can be a pain in other ways.

foslady · 23/02/2014 21:05

Used to put dd on reins, then wrap them around my wrist and hold her hand saying 'You know where mummy is and mummy knows where you are'. Luckily - very luckily - mine wasn't a bolter (but the reins were an extra insurance) but always more worried about getting lost...!

trufflehunterthebadger · 23/02/2014 21:12

start walk with meaningful, baleful glare at toddler eye level and "don't you dare to run away from me LittleBadger or you will go on the wriststrap. Do you understand ?"
Hold child's wrist so they cannot make good their escape.
Repeat step 1 if necessary.
Put them on the wriststrap and make suitable "if you behave Mummy will take off the strap" comments

After you have had to activate step 4 a couple of times they soon know who's boss...

gimcrack · 23/02/2014 21:23

'You hold my hand, or you go in the buggy.'
Then follow this up at any errant behaviour with: 'You're going in the buggy because you wouldn't hold my hand.'

Plus lots of talking about why they need to hold your hand and when they must.DS1 was easier to train. DS2 tool longer. After a while, they associate handholding with comfort (bless 'em), and do it happily.

Original poster

lollipoppi · 23/02/2014 21:28

Thank you thank you thank you! I'm going to try every single tactic to find which works!

pushchair isn't really an option as DD(1) is in there
I also have a wrist strap but the little monkey has figured out how to take it off!

I think I'm going to have to start from scratch with him, seriously back to basics

OP posts:

HumphreyCobbler · 23/02/2014 21:31

what about a buggy board?

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