To spend toooooooooooo much on hoildays

[dinodino27]

I am 45 so prob older than most mumsnetters but have young kids age 4 and 6. Dh and we disagree on spending. I want to spend on holidays, he want to pay off mortgage. He overpays £1000 a month - yes that is overpays - total payment about £1400. Admittedly the plan is to pay it off BEFORE we retire - but i think life in for living and we should go away with it now and worry abut mortgage long term.

incidentally one of the reasons he thinks over paying is the best thing is that we CANNOT go away for longer then a week due to family commitments. DH reckons get the mortgage paid off and in the future when family situation changes we can do month tours of Thailand etc. I think why wait - kids are not young forever 'life is what happens when you are making other plans'

Who is unreasonable me or him?

Can you afford to go away closer to home/cheaper holidays while overpaying?

Tbh, doubt any 4/6 year olds will get anything out of month tours of Thailand. Much better in 15 years time.

YANBU
Book something! Life is def for living. You can take 3 months out of your overpayment and have an AMAZING holiday where the memories will last a life time

I suppose it depends on how much 'toooooooooooo' much is?

Does his overpaying the mortgage mean that you will never get a holiday while the kids are little?

In that case YANBU

YANBU, if 'he' is paying off that much each month then there's plenty of room to compromise and do both.

You should get a say in where that money goes, and it is a lot of money.

All sorts of things can happen before his dream of paying off the mortgage happens, but what's the point if you've denied yourself big stuff in the meantime?

Can't you go away for more weekends etc?

Leave him at home if he's not up for it.

Compromise. Tell him to overpay for 6 months of the year, use the money for 6 months of the year to spend on the family, including holidays.

Why can't you just compromise?

With interest rates as low as they are, he is being very sensible as the vast majority of your mortgage repayments are paying off loan at the moment, as opposed to being swallowed up in interest. We also overpay on our mortgage and have done for many years. We still go on decent holidays but not as good as they would be if we weren't overpaying. When dh was made redundant a couple of years ago, knowing we had made those overpayments and therefore a capital repayment holiday would likely be favourably looked upon, was a big relief. We didn't need to ask for one in the end but it saved a lot of sleepless nights.

Very hard to tell who is being unreasonable from your post OP.

We overpay on the mortgage - now's a great time to do it due to the low interest rates and as neither DH nor I don't absolutely love our jobs, it seems like a good idea to try to pay the mortgage off sooner rather than later .

However we also love our holidays. I do tend to get overexcited and book a few too many, but we do enjoy them and I don't book packages, we do flights and accomodation separately and generally go s/c because there is more space and it's a lot cheaper. Plenty of holidays you can go on where you get a lot of enjoyment for a week - try France or Italy, if traditional holiday locations are not your bag.

If your DH is saying lets not go on any holidays at all, then he is definitely being unreasonable. If it's more about cost and location then maybe not.

Sorry should have explained more fully - we do still go on holiday -tbh prob twice at least a year. Which i now sounds a lot to most people. But they are fairly cheap holidays mostly. AND and think this is a biggy we are demented when not on holiday - dh is always on call at work plus we are only carer for my dad with dementia (hence we cant go away for more than a week) and look after both mothers who need lots of help - so holiday in the only escape and when we are away is the only time others that should help us step up to plate.

Given interest rates are currently very low, he will be clearing serious capital if he is overpaying by £1000 each month. This is very good sense for the long term, however you could possibly compromise and use say the July/August overpayments to book a caravan or cottage in the UK for a week/fortnight so you all get a holiday and you still reduce the mortgage by 10k each year.

Sorry, seem to have cross posted

What I could do with £6k rose...

You've got a lot on your plate with those things dino, it does seem a shame not to treat yourselves at least once in a while to something that's not bog standard.

Some people would love to swap an argument about what to do with the extra grand a month they have with their routine housework argument subjects

The rainy day is now. Do it.

I think a minth in Thailand is wasted in kids but I have friends who have been with theirs. My mum wanted to take me and mine and I said no, I've been several times before kids and I thought it would be more stressful with them not eating or sleeping etc.
If I were to spend money on an expensive holiday I'd rather go to disney land or at least be child focused.

I do agree that I would rather have some good holidays and create some memories if I could afford to.

From experience I'd say 4 and 6 year olds won't care where they are. Having fun can be on a beach on the Isle of Wight or the Gulf coast.
You'll get more from a exotic holiday when they are a bit older IMO and can do elephant treking or water rafting or appreciating New York.
You'll be proper happy when the house belongs to you and not the bank.

Children might not care where you are but you and your DH will. Isn't there a limit to how much you can overpay your mortgage by?

It won't be worth going long-haul with young children for a week, will it? Would be more stress and sounds like you don't need that at the moment

I think shared memories of holidays really last, so would upgrade your holidays at least a bit to keep them interesting enough to have those different memories over the years.

I think if you've got a spare £1000 every month, then you could easily compromise. Overpay by £500 and save the rest of holidays and weekend fun activities.

I said the Thailand thing just as an example - we have actually taken the kids to Thailand and South Africa long haul already (for 2 weeks not for a month) but before i was a carer for dad and both mothers (things have all of sudden come to a head with elderly relatives and been full on carers for just under 2 year)

But yes I agree with phone box it is maybe not worth long haul for a week - although still keep thinking maybe Las Vegas or San Diego could be worth it for a week.

Jolly phonics thank you for your post - i agree totally - that is my point exactly with him -BUT he wont budge. He loves holidays but he is so so focused on the future - but as said before the future might nit happen.

Balance is the key, I am like your husband and yes while the kids are young childhood memories are important but I do not believe thousands needs to be spent to create these. My compromise would be a wish list of time spent together over their childhood, maybe two dream holidays. Being able to give my children a happy childhood is important but so is security.

good point cobain - v balanced made my dh's stance seem reasonable - he never put it in terms of security but now i see that yes that is worth more than hols. I grew up in a very secure home and never went further than wales but feel i had a happy childhood. yes you have put things slightly different and it has made me this i was being unreasonable.!!!

how many months /years are left on your mortgage? can you work that out with the overpayments (tricky I know without knowing future interest rates) but might give you a better perspective