To spend toooooooooooo much on hoildays

[dinodino27]

I am 45 so prob older than most mumsnetters but have young kids age 4 and 6. Dh and we disagree on spending. I want to spend on holidays, he want to pay off mortgage. He overpays £1000 a month - yes that is overpays - total payment about £1400. Admittedly the plan is to pay it off BEFORE we retire - but i think life in for living and we should go away with it now and worry abut mortgage long term.

incidentally one of the reasons he thinks over paying is the best thing is that we CANNOT go away for longer then a week due to family commitments. DH reckons get the mortgage paid off and in the future when family situation changes we can do month tours of Thailand etc. I think why wait - kids are not young forever 'life is what happens when you are making other plans'

Who is unreasonable me or him?

about 7 years BUT dh works im job in which id has to retire in 5 years. With the over payment pron pay off in 4 years.

No brainer - pay off the mortgage, retire then have a big trip to celebrate, kids will be a great age for an adventure.

We've taken DS all over the world - he started traveling when he was 1 - Thailand, Maldives, Egypt, Dubai, Barbados, St Lucia, Russia, USA etc.

I've just asked him for his best holidays to date:

Lake Garda in a caravan (foam pool party, good pizza, good gelato)
Jersey in the Merton Hotel (kids club, cool swimming pool, fish and chips)
Orlando (Universal Studios and NASA)

So it's a fortnight over the Gower in Swansea this year!

I was just about to ask how long left on your mortgage. To be honest, if you have 7 years left at £400 a month, with £1000 overpayments you will pay it off much quicker than 4 years!

Our mortgage is £400 ish pm, when we get to 7 years left we'll owe in the region of 20-25k. Paying £1000 pm over would mean you pay that off in less than 2 years. I'm with the DH on this. You say you can't go away for long anyway. So pay off the mortgage, then when that's done you can look into spending some of the £1400 a month you'll be saving on respite care so you can have your dream month long holiday.

OP having read your second post , this bit screams out at me when we are away is the only time others that should help us step up to plate.

It sounds like what you need is not so much more/better holidays ( although those are always good ), but a better support plan for the other 50 weeks of the year. Who are these other people that should be stepping up to the plate? What can be done to help lessen the burden on you when you are not on holiday?

So you have taken your DC on exciting holidays in the past.

You can afford to continue to take them on short, cheaper holidays.

You will pay off your mortgage in 4 years, a year after that DH will have to retire but you expect to be able to afford expensive holidays again after the mortgage is paid.

Is that a fair summation?

I'm not sure what the problem is?

is all I can say.

My DH and I have gone for holidays in a really big way and don't regret a single penny of it. Our aim is to get the mortgage paid of a couple of years before retirement but we haven't made paying it of early a priority. I've not done any long holidays with DC as never wanted to go away for longer than 2 weeks but for the last 12 years or so have spent about 18k a year on holidays. Normally a long haul ( south America, south Africa, caribbean) a summer med or cruise holiday and a couple of mini breaks each year. We only have a few years left of DC coming away with us and then holidays will become less than half we pay now. I think OP there must be a compromise option.

A cheap holiday in the UK can be brilliant.
I'm with Lottie on this.

I think some people are being harsh on the OP.

It sounds like her DH is constantly working and she is supporting one DF with dementia and her DM and DMIL, with little support from other family members. That to me is the crux of the issue, not how much is spent on holidays vs mortgage and I find it quite sad that all people can see is that the OP has disposable income and are therefore jealous.

We are a similar age to you (a bit older actually) and overpaid our mortgage for a few years, with a view to paying off the mortgage early. Then I got a lump on my throat. For a few weeks we weren't sure if it was cancer, so we started to re-evaluate. We looked at the financial position we were in and decided to blow that years money on a big holiday to Florida. DD loved it (she was 11 at the time) and I bought myself a car (we'd inherited some money from my mum who'd died that year), so we did go a bit crazy. Now, 2 years later, we are paying for recent home improvements. It feels horrible to be living hand to mouth again, but it's short term and hopefully, by next year, we can splash out again and have another big holiday year planned.

I agree with the poster above who said it's a matter of balance. A god holiday every couple of years, if you can afford it, and a couple of years investing in the house/mortgage. Then both you and DH get what they want.

not how much is spent on holidays vs mortgage and I find it quite sad that all people can see is that the OP has disposable income and are therefore jealous.

You are wrong, I am not jealous. I have plenty of disposable income of my own thanks and holiday frequently as well as overpaying my own mortgage. Therefore, I have made similar decisions, to the one the OP's family is facing.

If in exactly the same situation as the OP I would see no problem with the situation.

I am responding to the question asked by the OP. of course the caring responsibilities sound hard work, and the OP may well be deserving of sympathy and support on these issues, but until she asks us for it I consider it none of my business.

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. In fact DH and I are in a similar position in that I want to save money and he wants to spend it. What we have done is agreed on a strategy. There are a couple of high cost holidays DH would really like to go on, so we have agreed a date we will do them (waiting till the DC old enough to appreciate them) and will do cheaper holidays till then. Wonder if a similar approach might work? I have to say when my DC were 4 and 6 their favourite holiday was camping in the Isle of Wight - I think simpler holidays are really appreciated at that age, plus arguably easier for you to organise and truly have a week off?

We've gone with paying the mortgage off over holidays. Partly because we were both more driven by that and the one full-on family holiday we did try we ended up counting down the hours until we could come home (it was two weeks - in hindsight one week was plenty!). Depends on your personalities and your DC I think!

We now go on weekends/short breaks in the UK and prefer that. Mortgage will be paid in a year and then DS will be ten (and will happily go to clubs now - no way he would go to a children's club last time we tried a holiday) so the plan is to pick up the holidays again then when it will be easier to try something a bit more interesting.

badasahatter hope you are fully recovered now.

Thanks WallyBantersJunkBox. It was a false alarm and ended up just being a harmless cyst. It disappeared when they tried to take a sample of it, so huge sighs of relief all round! Even those few weeks of not knowing though caused us to question our priorities and put fun ahead of practicality. We were lucky enough to be in a position where we were o.k. with the mortgage. Our horrible endowment policy shortfall was covered, meaning we wouldn't have to start paying again at the end of the term, so scrimping did pay off. I think I'm a very lucky woman in just about every sense f the word.

I would compromise and over pay but save some for holidays. I think family time is precious above all else really and you are lucky enough to have the potential cash to go away, do it.

I wish we had enough £ to show our DC the world. Its an amazing thing to be able to do if you can.