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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what's the etiquette for paying when your dc is invited...

41 replies

Lancashiregirl · 20/02/2014 12:42

on a day out?

Just that really. Do you offer to pay for admission costs, travel, lunch?

Or is it assumed that if they've been invited that the other parents will pay?

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 20/02/2014 12:45

iv had this yesterday
a friend wanted to take some friends to the cinema for her little one birthday but expected me to pay for both of mine and the travel there and for me to come and pay for myself.
i did think it was a little cheeky, but she is a very close friend and its herlf term so figured its be a nice treat.

how ever had it been any one else other than a close friend or releative iw ould have said no sorry.

if it was ME planning it i would pay for it all.. travel food.. the outing.. everything.

StrawberryGashes · 20/02/2014 12:45

I've always sent admission money, lunch and spending money. And any time I've taken another child out their parents have done the same.

Bombaybunty · 20/02/2014 12:46

I always offer to pay and send the child with ample cash for lunch, treats etc.

littlewhitebag · 20/02/2014 12:46

Depends on the age of the child, where they are going and whether it is something special like a birthday outing for the other child. It is good form i think to give your child enough money so they can offer to pay for their entry costs, travel costs or lunch and snacks but not all of these things as i assume the invitation means the costs are being taken care of.

AlpacaLypse · 20/02/2014 12:47

I ask/offer. Sometimes the hosting parent will say, no it's our treat, other times they say thanks, that would really help.

claraschu · 20/02/2014 12:49

I have never heard of invited children paying for a birthday treat. People occasionally offer to pay if I take their kids swimming or iceskating just on an ordinary day, but I always refuse the money. I think it's nice to offer, and nice to refuse the offer.

Stinklebell · 20/02/2014 12:52

If it's me doing the inviting, I expect to pay the costs, though most of my friends give their kids some spending money to pay for a round of ice creams or something

I never know what to do when it's my kids being invited though, DD2 gets invited to the cinema a lot with her friend, we've settled on the friend's mum paying for the tickets and DD takes £5 which is enough to treat herself and her friend to one of those kiddy tuck boxes

steff13 · 20/02/2014 12:55

When I invite one of my children's friends out for a movie, amusement park, etc., I cover all of the costs. However, when my kids go out with their friends, I always send money with them to cover everything, just in case.

wonderingsoul · 20/02/2014 12:57

see the way i see it is, its you that wants to take them some where.. for the benifit of your child i would asume, to keep them company , for it to be more fun.. .. so why should the other parent pay for it.

i

ShatnersBassoon · 20/02/2014 12:57

I send them with enough money to cover entrance, lunch etc., tell the parents they have it, and drill my kids to make sure they have their money ready when things need paying for. More often than not they come home with all the money they went with, but better to be prepared than to cause embarrassment.

diddl · 20/02/2014 13:01

I think it depends on the invitation.

For a bday I wouldn't expect to pay.

For a "we're going to X, would Y like to come with us", I'd expect to pay tbh.

diddl · 20/02/2014 13:02

And what Shatners said.

diddl · 20/02/2014 13:04

"see the way i see it is, its you that wants to take them some where.. for the benifit of your child i would asume, to keep them company , for it to be more fun.. .. so why should the other parent pay for it. "

I see it as childfree time & the bonus of then not having to take my child to said "fun" place in the futureBlush

Def worth paying for!

beanandspud · 20/02/2014 13:07

I always offer to pay and make sure that DS went with enough money. Most times he comes back with the money but it feels right to offer.

Mostly we would pay for everything if a friend's DC was to join us for the day and they would do the same for DS so it evens out in the end.

justtoomessy · 20/02/2014 13:09

I've an only child so I ask his friends along to stuff quite a bit but I always pay. However, it is very nice of the parents to offer even though I say don't worry about it.

hootloop · 20/02/2014 13:10

I don't send any money if it is for a child's birthday but I always do if it is just a trip out for no particular reason.

wonderingsoul · 20/02/2014 13:12

I see it as childfree time & the bonus of then not having to take my child to said "fun" place in the futureblush

fair point Grin but than.. i normally want to go to them places any way and get just as much enjoyment out of it as the kids.

but i do get your point, and whislt this hasnt happened to me yet, other then yesterday birthday situation , i would prob offer some money towards it.. even if its enough to cover lunch or some treats there. but still if i wzs planning expect to pay for it all.

treas · 20/02/2014 13:17

When we invite dc friends out for a day out, treat etc. we always pay as we have done the inviting and wouldn't dream of taking money for something we suggested.

However, we always appreciate payment being offered no assumptions being made.

When dc are invited out we always enquire about entry costs etc. so that we can pay if necessary.

What grinds my gears is when dc have been invited around to friends for a day as agreed with an adult and then they are not fed. On several occasions ds has had to buy food but been expected to stay all day.

Surely if you can't feed visitors either don't invite them or send them home for their lunch or tea at a respectable time.

happygirl87 · 20/02/2014 15:31

I would always ask/offer. Depending on age of DC I might send them with e.g. money for cinema ticket plus sweets or similar.

HOWEVER if I was organising I would always assume I was paying for my invited guests, unless I had made it clear on invitation that this was not the case; so I would say we want to invite the whole class to the swimming pool, would love it if littel Jimmy could come, can he bring 5 entry fee and we will put on the tea (or whatever). Although if I couldnt afford to pay for others I might just do sarnies and cakes at mine....

FloozeyLoozey · 20/02/2014 15:32

Always offer and they always refuse in my experience, as I would refuse. But it would be extremely bad etiquette not to offer!

HoratiaDrelincourt · 20/02/2014 16:43

I always send money and always get it back.

SanityClause · 20/02/2014 16:49

I wouldn't usually offer to pay, and would not expect people to offer in return. If they did offer, I would politely turn them down. I suppose if it were a very expensive thing, I might offer to pay.

I often send a little gift, of say, a bag of sweets to share. And if they were going somewhere that needed spending money, I would send some.

BeaLola · 20/02/2014 16:49

If im asking I am expecting to pay all of it ... And if they come with money I politely refuse as its my treat.

If my DS gets asked I send money with him for sweets etc ... He is 6 , and offer to pay for his entry lunch etc but friends do not take it

BackforGood · 20/02/2014 16:56

Am quite surprised at the answers on here.

Ive 3 dc, and, on the odd occasion another parent has offered to take them somewhere, then they've always treated them, as someone said upthread, they are choosing to take the dc there.
Equally, if I've taken anyone somewhere, I've treated them.
If someone was happy to take your dc along, but couldn't really afford to treat them, then I'd expect them to make the offer in a different way..... "We are going to ... and my ds said your ds wanted to go. I don't mind taking him, if you are happy, the entrance fee is £x" or whatever.

Obviously if you are chatting with a friend and one of you suggests going somewhere together / meeting up somewhere as 2 families, then each family pays for itself.

Once they are old enough to go off to the pictures, say, without adults and they arrange it with their friend, then again, that is everyone paying for themselves.

mumzuki · 20/02/2014 16:57

Took DD's friend out yesterday. She brought spending money, but I paid for the outing, as I'd always intended to. But then DD's friend was keen to go to gift shop, so I ended up letting her choose something with her money and also getting my two the same thing she chose, so if anything it cost me more in the end. They're only 6; I found it more stressful her having the money as I felt responsible for it. When DD went on an outing with the same girl's mum, I didn't send her with money - they went straight from school, in year R, there's no way DD wouldn't have lost it. I did offer to contribute when other mum dropped DD off, but money was refused, so I wasn't expecting her to chip in. Now not sure what I would do next time!

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