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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peed off with BIL?

39 replies

ButterflySandwich · 16/02/2014 06:59

We lent our coffee table to my brother in law for his youngest sisters wedding, they used it in the house for a display. Afterwards I kept asking DH to get it back but he said it was in their garage and not doing any harm, it would only sit in our garage. And so it sat. Four years later and I ask my BIL for it back as we're moving house and could use it. He said he'd "given" it to a second hand shop (everyone else in the family said he sold it) a couple of years ago.

AIBU to think he should have asked us first if we wanted it back before selling it? I feel like it was really dishonest. He's like that.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 16/02/2014 07:01

He should have asked but at the same time leaving it for 4 years without it being a planned storage thing seems a bit off too - how long would you expect him to keep it for?

winkywinkola · 16/02/2014 07:08

Bang out of order.

He sold it pretty quickly IMO because his response about it being in his garage rather than yours is very odd. It doesn't matter where you choose to keep your stuff.

I would be so annoyed. Ask him why he thought it okay to sell other people 's property? That's called stealing. Creep.

Never lend him anything again.

Original poster
ButterflySandwich · 16/02/2014 07:32

Sirzy I was thinking the same, we left it for so long that's why he assumed ownership. But in reality, if he was annoyed at it being there, why didn't he just say? At any time, he could have said he was having a clear out, we have a week to come collect it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ButterflySandwich · 16/02/2014 07:35

Winky, I think the same. It feels like theft. At no point did we say to him to keep it. My DH doesn't want to say anything to him, it's his brother, that he's not annoyed about it like I am. But how I see it, it's not the item itself, it's the whole dishonesty of it, selling something that doesn't belong to you!

OP posts:
PooroldJumbo · 16/02/2014 07:37

I can understand why you are a bit annoyed but you should be more annoyed with your DH. I think it's likely that as he had the table for four years without anyone asking for it back your BIL assumed you just didn't want it.

Original poster
ButterflySandwich · 16/02/2014 07:42

He sold it after a couple of years. But I had something of my sisters in my garage for 6 years! I'm sure she gave it to me as she didn't want it, but I sold it last year and gave the money to her kids. I asked her first before selling it as well.

OP posts:
PooroldJumbo · 16/02/2014 08:10

Okay, you gave him a table and didn't ask for it back within the space of two years I think his thought process re you not wanting it back still stands.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/02/2014 08:10

You should be pissed off with DH and BIL.

Original poster
ButterflySandwich · 16/02/2014 08:22

But surely, regardless of what he thought, he should have asked our permission before selling it? He didn't ask because he wanted to keep the money for himself!

OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 16/02/2014 08:26

He has stolen your coffee table and sold it.

wishingchair · 16/02/2014 08:26

It's your dh you should be mad with. BIL shouldn't have sold it without asking but DH should have asked for it back. I'd actually be pissed off having someone else's crap cluttering up the garage for years.

Surely you've not missed it - you haven't had it for 4 years.

Pick your battles. Is this worth getting worked up about?

Original poster
ButterflySandwich · 16/02/2014 08:54

Its more the reflection of his character thats getting me worked up. He's not a nice person anyway, he doesn't care about anything other than himself and how to save money! He has 4 kids and refused to spend money on a 7 seater, so crammed everyone into a golf volkswagon on a trip out or expected us to transport 2 of his kids! He can afford it, he has large amount of savings and a big house, just won't spend it!

OP posts:
wishingchair · 16/02/2014 09:37

Ah yes then that is irritating. How can you have 4 kids and only a 5 seater car!!??

Original poster
ButterflySandwich · 16/02/2014 09:43

Especially as 3 of them should be in car seats/boosters!

OP posts:
Davidhasselhoffstoecheese · 16/02/2014 10:02

Of find an identical table and text requesting he but it to replace the one he gave away.

But really. Why didn't you ask BIL yourself 4 years ago? You are equally responsible in some ways

Cabrinha · 16/02/2014 10:05

I think you'd need to know everything your husband has said in this. Just odd that you'd have left it there. Tbh, I think after 4 years it's an odd thing to get bothered about!

eggsandwich · 16/02/2014 10:17

Tell your BIL that he will have to pay for a replacement as it was only on loan to him and not a gift, and as you are moving you need a replacement.

winkywinkola · 16/02/2014 10:31

You don't sell other people's stuff even if it's been in your garage for ten years.

You ASK the owner.

diddl · 16/02/2014 10:33

Ithink its your husband you should be pissed off with.

He was the one said it would be ok to leave it in his brothers garage!

Original poster
ButterflySandwich · 16/02/2014 11:42

Your right. Its DH fault as well as mine for not collecting it. We'd have needed 2 cars to collect it, one for our family and one for the table, and we're so busy it just never happened. They live half hr away. I think as well its like the icing on the cake for a lot of other things he's done to pee me off! He'd never buy a replacement, that would involve spending money...

OP posts:
Oldraver · 16/02/2014 12:41

Two cars to fetch one table ? is it in two halves ?

littlepurplealien · 16/02/2014 15:01

You'd surely only have needed 1 car.

Your dh could have driven there and put it in the car and driven back - no need for the whole family to go.

diddl · 16/02/2014 15:29

I love the idea of a family outing to fetch a table!

cees · 16/02/2014 16:20

Why did you need the whole family to go and collect it? Surely you or your partner could have got the job done without bringing everyone for a half hour drive each way.

Pimpf · 16/02/2014 16:49

Whilst I think he was in the wrong to sell it without asking you or seeing if you wanted it back, why did you leave it so long?

Sounds like there must be a big back story to this