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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not 'get' why some people go so overboard on Valentine's Day?

29 replies

cithkadston · 14/02/2014 12:49

Admittedly DH and I don't really celebrate Valentine's, but even so...

My FB is full of statuses boasting about ipads, Tiffany jewellery, Spa vouchers, designer handbags and the like. Not to mention someone who is off to Florida today as a surprise 'For Valentine's Day'.

I'm not jealous (before anyone says that), I just don't get why some people go so mad over it. I thought Valentine's Day was about getting someone you fancied a card, and possibly a red rose if they're lucky.

Consumer-ism gone mad!

OP posts:
HoratiaDrelincourt · 14/02/2014 12:51

Protesting too much, often.

That said, some people like saving their proof of affection for particular days (see also Christmas) so we should leave them to it and look forward to cutprice chocolates in the supermarket from tomorrow Grin

clairemum22 · 14/02/2014 12:55

I was about to say you were being unreasonable until I saw the ipads,jewellery, handbags etc.Who on earth goes that overboard for valentine's!!

Original poster
cithkadston · 14/02/2014 12:56

It's bonkers IMHO. Generally, they seem to be the same people that go overboard for mother's day too. Surely if they have the disposable income to buy those things they should just, erm, go and buy those things without making a big song and dance about it being a Valentine's surprise etc

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 14/02/2014 12:58

The same reason some people go completely overboard at Christmas and birthdays. Because they want to, can (hopefully) afford it and like to spoil the recipient.

SpookedMackerel · 14/02/2014 12:59

I was all set to "go overboard" today.

I saw some heart shaped chocolate cakes, decorated with sugar roses and iced messages of love, in the bakery yesterday, and decided (after some soul searching; dh and I have done nothing for Valentines for about 10 years) that I was going to buy one because they looked absolutely delicious and I wanted to eat one myself. So dd and I hurried to the bakery this morning and they had already sold out :( Ah, well.

TwittyMcTwitterson · 14/02/2014 13:00

Firstly I'd like to say, I love a bit of romance but me n DH are just not, for some reason.

We don't get much really. I'm cooking him tea tonight or buying a takeaway, if I see a nice small trinket I'll buy it later and I'm gonna be quite nice to him haha. That's enough.

I personally do feel a tinge of jealousy when I see the statuses but then I've not gone out on a limb so why should he. We don't go mad for birthdays or Christmas either.

It's possibly an excuse for them to show off their perfect lives Wink

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/02/2014 13:00

My friend's husband goes completely overboard at Valentines - loads of gifts, one year he bought her a new car.

He is an arse. Uses work as an excuse to get out of being around at home much, will just announce that they are doing X that day/weekend regardless of any plans my friend has made.

It is easier for him to just buy her a load of stuff a few times a year than actually treat her as an equal partner and commit time and thought to their marriage.

GillyMac93 · 14/02/2014 13:02

I was going to say Yabu but that's crazy , me and DP are going out for dinner but it's more to celebrate finishing work on our house and it's pay day ! So op yanbu !

SelectAUserName · 14/02/2014 13:02

They're not hurting anyone

Assuming they're not getting into ridiculous, home-risking levels of debt to do so, they're getting a bit of economic activity going so they might even be helping.

An exchange of cards and a chocolate heart each is about our limit, but each to their own.

Proseccoisnotrah · 14/02/2014 13:02

Because they want to in some cases. Because it is expected of them in others. My friend has picked out some things she likes for her DH to "gift" her with. I don't really go in for that sort of thing even for birthdays or Christmas.

My DH used to go overboard with gifts when we first met and I always felt there was an element of a certain image he wanted to project to other people and of competition with other men iyswim.

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK · 14/02/2014 13:04

Why not for gods sake

Isn't there enough misery in this world? Cancer, death, and so on?

I don't get why people try and put downers on nice things happening somewhere for someone one else.

I would love to have disposable income to go mad for the man I love....I would adore a surprise trip somewhere. In the past before DC we went to new york, venice etc and they are wonderful special memories...

today he has just got a card, will I get one, who knows...we are too busy and poor at the moment,..but when we can we will certainly celebrate it more in the future.

So many dream crushers and dark forces on MN.

Makes me think lots of posters would be more suited to a strict communist environment where nothing is allowed.

Thurlow · 14/02/2014 13:04

I don't get it. But then I don't get going overboard for presents at any time. Buy what you can afford and what the other person will like, sure - but love can't be measured by material spend.

It's nice is someone wants to spoil someone else, but I suspect a lot of people who buy these lavish gifts are doing it because they know it's expected of them. Or in some cases are a total prick most of the time...

But then I fully admit I am a Grinch Grin

Original poster
cithkadston · 14/02/2014 13:05

Actually, thinking about it maybe it's the whole broadcasting it on FB that's the annoying thing.

I think it's great if people can afford to treat themselves/their loved ones but honestly, I really don't want to read a newsfeed of 'look what I got'

OP posts:
mollypup · 14/02/2014 13:08

showing off, simple as that!

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK · 14/02/2014 13:12

I really don't want to read a newsfeed of 'look what I got'

i am with you on that....just boasting

MimiSunshine · 14/02/2014 13:14

cithkadston that's kinda the point of facebook though

SelectAUserName · 14/02/2014 13:15

So log out of Facebook for a couple of days and go back when Valentine's Day has all blown over?

drnoitall · 14/02/2014 13:17

Don't read the newsfeed!!!
Uab a misery guts.

Beastofburden · 14/02/2014 13:22

What bugs me is the women who expect to be specially high maintenance but dont get their partners anything.

if you are going to be traditional about valentines day, then sure, it is men only. Buying a secret card to ask someone out. Traditionally, once you were settled with someone you didnt do valentines at all, because it was all about being single, and dating.

I think its a good development for it to be about showing that you both value your relationship. But in that case, both men and women ought to make the effort.

Agree that the people with the shakiest relationships seem to buy the most stuff where I am. Maybe we are just all soulless mean people :)

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumEEEEK · 14/02/2014 13:29

I will join the Soulless Mean People club and echo beastofburden, on my newsfeed the ones who've had the most stuff and most expensive, extravagant gestures, are the ones whose relationships are very on and off.

I got DP a card and some chocolate bees Grin he got us both a "My Baby's First Year" journal to fill in together. Inexpensive and personal to us :)

I'm not saying no-one should give anyone anything expensive for Valentine's day... it just definitely seems to be a case of overcompensating for a shaky relationship with expensive gestures for the person to show off on Facebook!

Moln · 14/02/2014 13:36

I haven't seen any declaration of "look what I got!" posts (thankfully!) on my newsfeed.

It is boasting, and boasting is annoying to have to listen to (well OK read), but I think there could well be something in the idea that those that are most vocal about their wonderful partner are those that aren't in great relationships. It's a sort of 'hey look it isn't so bad!!' declaration. Possibly mostly to themselves.

Obviously though there are those that are just boastful!

ComposHat · 14/02/2014 13:42

I roll my eyes when people proclaim : 'it is just an excuse to make money' as if:

A) This is a highly original thing they have just thought of and no one else has realised

B) Christmas is treated as a philanthropic exercise by shopkeepers.

So what if someone makes money out of it? I'm aware of this and don't particularly mind.

DurhamDurham · 14/02/2014 13:51

Me and my dh always celebrate Valentine's Day and buy each other presents and go out for a lovely meal. We do this because we want to, we enjoy making a fuss of each other. We don't do it to be showy or to annoy other people. I don't spend a great deal of time worrying about what other people do or don't do on Valentine's Day.

BakerStreet · 14/02/2014 14:09

but I think there could well be something in the idea that those that are most vocal about their wonderful partner are those that aren't in great relationships

I agree with this. We don't do valentines day ourselves, never have done. I know my dh loves me without all the kerfuffle.

I don't have a problem with anyone celebrating VD but I have found over the years that the ones that make a right song and dance about it are the ones that don't feel secure in their relationship.
Those that are happy and secure tend to be a little bit more understated.

(of course they could just be pure attention seekers and love to brag!!!)

HoratiaDrelincourt · 14/02/2014 14:15

The people on my FB who have made the most fuss about Valentine's Day this year are the newly divorced. In their cases it's two fingers up to the ex rather than a heartfelt appreciation of the OM new partner. Pretty distasteful.