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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be really annoyed by this teacher....

41 replies

NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 11:40

after having my daughter in her GCSE class for about two weeks, she said 'look Nigelletta, there are some sixth formers! they are really clever and will be going to uni and getting good jobs! what are YOU going to do?'
as for background nigelletta has struggled with SLD but now has a reading age of 16 plus and I am proud of her. she is particularly interested in this teacher's subject (chemistry). However she is obviously not 'university material'.
Perhaps it was a throwaway comment - but just WTF? it really upset Nigelletta who is now refusing to go to school on the days this woman teaches her class. A whole lot of trouble is brewing in the Dealer household....

OP posts:
Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 11:49

so because Nigelletta is not 'university material' i feel she has made up her mind that she comes from a certain background and therefore is not important. whatever happened to the ethos of 'comprehensive' education?
maybe i am being a bit over-sensitive?

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weirdthing · 13/02/2014 11:50

The teacher is a nasty fucker. Go in and complain.

DorisAllTheDay · 13/02/2014 11:52

Are you sure that Nigeletta hasn't just got hold of the wrong end of the stick? Maybe the teacher just wanted to talk to her about her post-school plans.

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 11:52

thanks weirdthing - yes I did mention it but the deputy headteacher just shrugged it off ....

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Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 11:54

doris maybe so....but it was the 'look they are really clever and wil go to uni, what about you'? i mean, come on....

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MothratheMighty · 13/02/2014 11:55

You won't go in and complain though, will you?
You didn't last time the staff did something that you shared and were told that it was unacceptable, you said the school never listens and you didn't want your DD to be negatively targeted by the staff.

So YANBU to be annoyed by dismissive comments that demonstrate their low expectations, but you know that is the climate of the school and therefore not a throwaway comment.

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 11:57

i already did mothra......and yes it will reflect negatively on her....
it really is a problem, the climate/culture of the school as you say.
grrrr Angry

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NessieMcFessie · 13/02/2014 11:58

Are you sure the teacher wasn't trying to motivate in a kind of.....'look what you could do too' kind of way?

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 12:00

I do not know nessie, I did wonder, but it would all be about tone I suppose....

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ShatnersBassoon · 13/02/2014 12:02

It sounds like a motivational talk that's been misconstrued.

Becles · 13/02/2014 12:06

Not to be harsh, but if you put aside the instinctive defensiveness anyone would get when there is a possibility that a dc is being put down, I think you are B (a bit) U.

From the sounds of it the teacher was trying to get your dd to seriously consider post school plans. If both you and dd accept that she is not going to go to uni (at the moment as things could change later down the line) what (if any) conversations have you had at home about what next for her?

I think it would be a good idea to get your dd to go back to the teacher and have a proper conversation about options that could include the interest in chemistry but don't depend on uni acceptance at this stage.

You're proud of your dd, dd is proud of herself and her teacher is aware of the strides she has made. Lovely - she still should be thinking about what next while she has support and advice built in rather than just resting on her laurels.

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 12:08

thanks for your input everyone.
she is not going to university but already has a plan for an apprenticechip for a niche trade.
uni is not the be all and end all!

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Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 12:10

...and has applied for an access to that apprenticeship at a specialist college. this is not of interest to her chemistry teacher tbh.
i do realise how easy it is to get enraged on behalf of your children!

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DustyBaubles · 13/02/2014 12:11

It sounds like a sort of 'if you work hard, you'll do that too' thing.

Your daughter sounds a bit dramatic, refusing to go to the classes etc.

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 12:13

not wishing to drip feed but her refusing to go is not only to do with that comment, but other stuff as well.

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Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 12:15

actually i think what annoyed me and her was the 'they are really clever and will go to uni and get good jobs, and what will YOU do?' what would you or your child think? also why is 'uni' being presented as the only option for 'clever' kids. As my daughter herself so presciently said 'I do not wish to start my working life with a mountain of debt'

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ShatnersBassoon · 13/02/2014 12:23

You're making a fuss over nothing. You've heard it secondhand, it was a chat and not formal careers advice, your daughter had already sorted out what she wants to do and doesn't care about any other options. So why get upset?

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 12:26

because the teacher is just vile - (drip drip)
because it has upset Nigelletta who has felt bad about being 'slow' or 'behind' for years.
i suppose having unpleasant teachers is good preparation for life, that is what i tell them anyway.

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CoffeeTea103 · 13/02/2014 12:28

Yabu, I'm not sure what's wrong with that comment. It sounds like he wanted to know her future plans that's all. You also heard it from your dd not the teacher, and with your dds dramatic refusal to go to classes i don't think the teacher is the one being unreasonable.

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 12:29

no she did not want to know her future plans!

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ShatnersBassoon · 13/02/2014 12:33

"What are you going to do?" is an invitation to talk about future plans.

YABU.

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 12:35

no it was not an invitation to speak or share plans for the future, not at all.

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Ginnytonic82 · 13/02/2014 12:37

I think unless you heard the conversation first hand it's very difficult to ascertain what was actually said/meant. It's pretty clear your dd has a severe dislike for the teacher, which is having a detrimental affect on her school life. Maybe ask the school for a meeting with your dd's head of year and this teacher so you can discuss how to help dd and encourage a more positive relationship between the two?

Floggingmolly · 13/02/2014 12:42

I do not wish to start my working life with a mountain of debt
What utter rubbish. There has always been, and always will be a graduate premium on salaries.
And the repayments are deferred until your salary exceeds £21,000.

Original poster
NigellasDealer · 13/02/2014 12:48

oh molly do you really think that all graduates walk into jobs with a 'graduate premium' salary?

that might have been true 20 or 30 years ago but sadly is no longer the case.

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