...to be really annoyed by this teacher....

[NigellasDealer]

after having my daughter in her GCSE class for about two weeks, she said 'look Nigelletta, there are some sixth formers! they are really clever and will be going to uni and getting good jobs! what are YOU going to do?'
as for background nigelletta has struggled with SLD but now has a reading age of 16 plus and I am proud of her. she is particularly interested in this teacher's subject (chemistry). However she is obviously not 'university material'.
Perhaps it was a throwaway comment - but just WTF? it really upset Nigelletta who is now refusing to go to school on the days this woman teaches her class. A whole lot of trouble is brewing in the Dealer household....

If your daughter said that to the teacher then it's quite rude and just sounds like 'sour grapes'. How do you know that 'what are you going to do?' wasn't an actual question?

I can understand why you'd feel protective of your daughter but I'd be getting the information from the other party also.

no she didnt say it to the teacher she said it to me.
what 'sour grapes' - ? i certainly wouldnt be able to afford uni fees and to be honest have met smarter people flogging lighters down Brixton market than in your average university!

YANBU that teacher sounds vile. It is not professional to embarrass a child in front of their peers. Telling your poor dd that "they are clever" is implying your dd isn't which is just pure mean.
I would go into school and complain.

Also I'm sorry but university doesn't equal a good job. My oh went to uni and struggled for 2 years to get a job even remotely related to his degree so worked in supermarkets, factories etc just to pay bills. I never went to uni or even college yet prior to having children worked my way up through my chosen industry in the time it took some of my friends to get half way through their degrees. Uni isn't everything!

I too would have viewed the comment as an opener to discuss possible 6th form.

Tuition fees only get paid back once you're earning over 21,000 a year. Also, not all universities charge 9,000 per year.

Nigella from your initial post I would have said you were being unreasonable - it sounds like an attempt (albeit clearly unsuccessful) to get your DD to think that university is a possibility for her. Especially if she's been working so hard she's caught up after being behind. A reading age of 16 in GCSE year sounds like a normal standard, not the standard of someone who couldn't hope to aspire to university (not that university is the be-all-and-end-all, just that it is one route that can lead to a rewarding work life). I would have assumed the teacher was thinking if she has the will power to catch up, she may well have the will power to forge ahead.

But you seem sure without any further investigation that the teacher meant this nastily, in which case it indicates a whole heap of ongoing issues (which you have also alluded to). And if that's the case I think YABabitU to simply be "annoyed". If your daughter is in an educational environment in which she is being put down a lot by staff and she and you have no faith in the school and haven't for sometime, you should be being proactive about getting your DD into a more suitable environment. Being "annoyed" in such a situation doesn't really seem sufficient.

I don't read it as being nasty.

I went to uni, my DH didn't and he's very successful and very well paid having started off life in an apprenticeship.

My DD is free to do what she feels she wants to and I wouldn't see the words the teacher uttered as derogate in any way. Your DD is going need a plan, perhaps this is the prompt you need to discuss it.

to be honest have met smarter people flogging lighters down Brixton market than in your average university!

No you haven't. Don't try and make your DD feel better about her life choices by denigrating others, it's not helpful.

Re. Your actual OP, it sounds like a storm in a teacup that has got out of hand. If your daughter is school refusing three days a week (the average school timetable for GCSE would include chemistry three times a week) you need to be working with the school, constructively and immediately.

If the relationship has totally broken down, move schools.

This is a hard one. It is hard to know the what her intention was but I would be shocked at a teacher trying to belittle a young person. However, it happened to me. Not in a dramatic way though. When I was completing my UCAS form, the Head of Sixth Form said 'wellyboot you are more suited to poly than Uni'

I took the comment to heart (background free school dinners, rough estate etc) and it spurred me on no end. Now have four University qualifications including a First in MSc behind me. Could it spur your daughter on? Also my brother had SEN in Primary. Changed schools and went down a vocational route and got a 2:1 degree.

Sounds to me like a genuine question, particularly if your dd has a particular interest in the subject.
Sort of thing I say to my dc when there's something they're doing and persuing one route. What about this idea/this route? XYZ is doing it, why don't you ask them? To get them thinking about different things they can do, rather than follow what, to them at the time, is the obvious one.

Nigella. There are a lot of ways at looking at that rude and thoughtless comment from the teacher.

First How old is your Daughter, how can she possibly say your DD is not University Material when by the time she is 25 she could have a Masters.
An example of this is a close friend who left school at 16 without 1 single qualification and went in to adult education at 26 , she know has a Masters in Chemistry and three years teaching ( When at 16 was deemed thick) .

This is not the only way as most of my very successful friends , who have gone on to run and own businesses ( I know at least 10) between the ten of them there is not one A Level. I would not be surprised if most did not have any GCSEs , and yet there are the most intelligent switch on and focused people you could meet.

Granted things probably are different now , and academic qualifications are needed to even get a shot at anything , but that does not mean just University or Degree Level studies.

There are many highly intelligent and creative people out there without great academic qualifications.

This site has a majority of university educated people, who sometimes are so focused on academia , they are unable to see this creativity .

She Now has a Masters In Chemistry...

Is talking to the teacher an option?
Whether the comment was well meant or not, your daughter is upset and that in itself needs sorting. This is especially the case if dd is refusing to be taught by this teacher.
A deputy shrugging you off is not on. Sounds like you need a meeting with or without your dd.
Good luck.

If I remember rightly you posted recently about another incident at school? Given how that panned out and this I would say YABU.

You seem to be very anti the teachers at your DD's school and take things at face value without actually getting the context or speaking to the teacher.

If I heard this, I'd think the teacher was asking your DD about her future plans. You call this teacher 'vile' so that is influencing your interpretation.

Just re read your OP. The look at them, they are clever and are going to uni would read to me, that the teacher thinks your DD is clever too and is encouraging her to do similar BTW.

Sorry but I can't get worked up over the comment.
It's bloody hard work being a teacher in secondary school, teachers shouldn't have to answer to parents for every remark.
The world is full of insensitive people, sometimes insensitive things are said, I think we need to be mature enough to move on. Better than causing friction when actually the comment was not actually "vile" as some have said.