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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I must be really annoying?

31 replies

Reallynotsuretbh · 12/02/2014 22:00

Namechanged. Long story shirt since having dd I've met some nice new people some of which I've become friends with. But there have now been 3 different women that have asked for my number and to meet up with me and dd for coffee/play date etc then after the meetup nothing. Each time its been left to them to get back to me when they're free to meet up and I've not heard back. Weirdly I thought they all gone well I'm not expecting to be best mates with everyone but Im starting to get paranoid that I'm really annoying or something?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Reallynotsuretbh · 12/02/2014 22:00

Short not shirt

OP posts:
MolotovCocktail · 12/02/2014 22:02

But, you have made friends, right? It's just the 3 women?

Don't sweat it Smile

Blueuggboots · 12/02/2014 22:05

Sometimes people have fun, but get caught up with life and suddenly a few months have gone by with no contact. It then becomes embarrassing to contact.
Or maybe they just weren't that into you??!
Don't worry about it Grin

Original poster
Reallynotsuretbh · 12/02/2014 22:05

Thanks yes made 5 new friends its just these 3 that have obviously changed their mind about me. Once or twice I would have chalked it up to experience but 3 seperate people I'm thinking I'm doing something wrong here?

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PeriodFeatures · 12/02/2014 22:12

God, They are probably sitting at home wondering if you aren't interested in meeting up with them!!
I have found since having DD and meeting lots of new people and making vague coffee dates etc that time goes quickly and it helps to be really specific.

Text, tell people you are at a loose end and invite them! I took this leap after feeling exactly like you and have since been inundated (well..that's a bit of an exaggeration..) with people coming round or going out etc.

I am convinced that most people that are establishing new circles are sitting around feeling anxious rather than actually inviting people or keeping in touch. Sometimes you have to be the person to initiate stuff.

AwfulMaureen · 12/02/2014 22:13

Well do you think you're doing something wrong? What could it be? Have you suspicions about your behaviour? Do you get too personal? Tell too many personal stories? Do you pay for yourself in cafes? Are you obsessed with anything? Do you take turns in conversation? Do you talk about strong beliefs you might have?

Topaz25 · 12/02/2014 22:15

Maybe you didn't do anything wrong but it was simply a clash of personalities? Not everyone gets along. Maybe their DC didn't click with your DD? Or maybe they have just been busy/disorganised. Don't take it personally, you can't please everyone.

JeanSeberg · 12/02/2014 22:15

Some people are just organisers and others aren't. I bet if you texted them with a suggestion to meet up, they would be happy too.

It's the same in my circle of longstanding friends.

SummersDumbAsPie · 12/02/2014 22:21

Some people just don't gel. These women just might not find you their cup of tea. The same way you might not like someone you meet. Doesn't mean you're annoying though.

WooWooOwl · 12/02/2014 22:28

If they've been the ones to initiate the initial meet up, then wouldn't it be your turn to get in touch now if you want to continue the friendship?

That seems to be how it always worked when I was doing those early days of making friends with other parents.

DoJo · 12/02/2014 23:31

That's a pretty good hit rate - do you like all of these 8 people equally, or do you prefer the company of some of them over others?

NorwegianBirdhouse · 12/02/2014 23:36

No you are probably not annoying. My DS is two this month and when I had him I went to lots of toddler groups and tried to get to know people as I needed to meet new friends in same situation. Once the group was over at just 12 noon, they all seemed quite happy to be off home or to the shops even though they had agreed it was difficult adjusting to being at home all day. I just couldn't understand why more people didn't meet up. It was sometimes mentioned but never fixed.

Eventually, I did meet with about three girls but I never enjoyed it that much because considering the needs of 2 babies is difficult. they wanted to eat and play at different times. Also, these girls were happy to push DC around shops as they napped, but my DS cried for his cot as he was in a great nap routine. I too decided it was easier just to go home after toddler groups so DS can have his cherished cot time and I get 2-3 hours to myself. I have become one of those who can't easily meet up because of DS routine and have found other things to keep me busy and content. I think these girls may just be the same. You get busy and you get used to not meeting up and so don't have the same need to do so, where as you, quite rightly, are still keen to do so.

Supercosy · 12/02/2014 23:39

Honestly, try not to worry. I think you sort of go through phases of this in your life at times....at least I have. I went through something similar quite recently. I did find it a bit perturbing as you have but then I decided to forget it and concentrate on the good friends I do have. It's very true though that people get busy and honestly do lose track of time....then they possibly feel awkward about contacting you. I have a chronic health problem but I don't tell everyone about it. I sometimes avoid going out socially when I feel particularly bad but I don't tell people why because I don't want to sound like a miserable cow! It could be any of these things. Don't worry, you sound very nice and you have lots of lovely friends already!

ToBeSure · 12/02/2014 23:47

Sounds normal to me and I am deffinitly not annoying you really shouldn't worry about it.

Original poster
Reallynotsuretbh · 13/02/2014 08:29

Thanks all I am more reassured that I'm not Samantha Brick and Katie Hopkins rolled into one.
With 1 of the women it was left a but vague so she might have expected me to contact but with the other 2 I sent them a message after saying me and dd had fun let me know when you're free again and not heard back.

maureen I've thought those things myself and I would say if anything they were telling me more personal stuff. I think I do tend to want to talk about the babies (I'm all about my pfb!) so if they are looking for adult conversation I'm probably not very interesting?

Think blue is right maybe they are just not that into me :)

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Original poster
Reallynotsuretbh · 13/02/2014 08:29

A bit vague

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PinkLemons · 13/02/2014 08:33

Just drop them a text asking how they are. When they respond you can ask again about meeting up.

Original poster
Reallynotsuretbh · 13/02/2014 09:23

Do you think so pink I don't want to look overkeen I am just don't want them to know it
Weird as I felt like I really clicked with at least 2 of them more so then the friends I see all the time its odd

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NorwegianBirdhouse · 13/02/2014 09:28

Actually, when I think about it, I did approach some girls at the groups, like sit at their table to feed the babies and some of them made me feel like a complete nutter/stalker just cos they didn't need anyone new to socialise with. I thought, God I give up. Then people started asking me out and I had a whole lot more sympathy.

NorwegianBirdhouse · 13/02/2014 09:32

No, I am sure they are just tied up in the world of babies. Your time does get filled even if it is not as satisfying as it could be because you put the baby's needs first. I guess that is what they are doing, like I gave up afternoon outings cos DS goes for his nap and wants his cot.

I would definitely sent a how are you text.

ToBeSure · 13/02/2014 12:24

What about being a bit more upfront and sending a text saying that you are going to town/John lewis/random place where mums meet up and that you wanted to know if anyone wanted to meet up.

I can't see you have anything to loose and if they are 'busy' there is no need for it to be awkward if you see them at another time.

Something like

Hi Friend X Y and Z
..a bit random but I am going to xxxx tomorrow afternoon and wanted to know if anyone wanted to meet up for a coffee at x o'clock

Original poster
Reallynotsuretbh · 13/02/2014 14:30

I'll give it a go and message them see what response I get thanks

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MorningTimes · 13/02/2014 14:39

How soon are you expecting to meet up with them again?

If I meet up with a friend for coffee then I am happy to go at least another month before I meet up with them again. Sometimes I've made a potential new friend but then, after meeting up with them once, they have tried to pin me down into arranging another meeting in a weeks time, or even later in the same week.

That kind of behaviour would make me think that the other person is looking for a more intense friendship than I have the time or energy for so I would then be likely to back off, even I liked the person.

Original poster
Reallynotsuretbh · 13/02/2014 14:41

That's helpful morning I was thinking maybe every 2-3 weeks so might make it more like month which would suit me tbh

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Innogen · 13/02/2014 14:45

Sounds to me like they're just not the plan making type. Some people aren't.

A friend I have from school has never once asked me to do anything, the thought of doing so fills her with anxiety. So I ask her, we go out and have a lovely time.

Ask them!