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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a well done from my dsis :(

55 replies

Mummytotwox · 04/02/2014 10:17

So I have started my weight loss journey. I have currently lost 39lb since 27/12/13.

I have 143lb left to lose.

I have had so many people say well done, or like statuses I put on fb. Apart from my dsis. She hasn't said anything. Or liked anything, nothing. I'm actually quiet hurt.

She lost 2 stone by healthy eatting, I can not do this. I have been dieting all my life, I am addicted to food.

This is my final chance, I have never been so deteremend to do something in my life.

Sorry for my rant :(

OP posts:
GingerMaman · 04/02/2014 10:24

Well done you! :) yanbu, but don't let her non response put you down! You are doing so well, just continue with it. All the best :) x

Topaz25 · 04/02/2014 10:25

You're doing this for you, why do you need anyone else's approval? I'm losing weight and it's nice to get positive comments but I don't mind if people don't mention it. Did you congratulate her on her weight loss?

MelanieCheeks · 04/02/2014 10:27

Do you really expect everyone to "like" all your status updates on FB?

I think you're being a teeny BU - an absence of a response isn't negative.

scarletforya · 04/02/2014 10:30

Could she be jealous?

rollonthesummer · 04/02/2014 10:35

I'm confused-she lost weight by healthy eating but you couldn't do this? How did you lose the weight?

badtime · 04/02/2014 10:36

What Melanie said.

feetlikeahobbit · 04/02/2014 10:37

Constant posts about weight and how you've only eaten an apple and a cracker all day can get a bit wearing. I got a bit obsessive about posting what I ate and how well I was doing and I was told it was annoying, maybe this is the reason?

OpalQuartz · 04/02/2014 10:38

She might be jealous that you lost more than her. Are you on one of those meal replacement diets like Lighter Life?

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 04/02/2014 10:38

I'm doing the cambridge diet.

Obviously I can and will eat healthy, I want this more then anything, but I have 13 stone to lose, and it would take me years and years. No I just expect my sister to at least say I'm doing well.

When she was dieting I rang her every day, congratulated her, told her how well she's doing, how amazing she look.

I think she doesn't want me to be slimmer then her, because ATM she's the skinny sister.

OP posts:
OpalQuartz · 04/02/2014 10:39

I think she doesn't want me to be slimmer then her, because ATM she's the skinny sister.

Yes it might be that

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 04/02/2014 10:40

I post because i am damn proud of myself. And the fact it keeps me going. If they don't like it, they can delete me

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/02/2014 10:42

I have to say I skip these posts by on FB too

And I never know whether to congratulate people in real life or not, having seen some people moaning about it on here.

You should be proud of yourself but as a PP said, you're doing this for you.

Good luck Thanks

OpalQuartz · 04/02/2014 10:42

Good luck with the weight loss and well done for what you have lost so far

Armadale · 04/02/2014 10:43

Hi, it is possible she found that when she lost weight and other people commented, she found it intrusive and unhelpful, and so would not comment to you in case you found it the same.

I have lost a significant amount of weight in the past (+100lbs) and I found other peoples 'helpful' encouragement really unhelpful. It made me very self conscious and frankly for every 'ooh don't you look great now' comment I actually heard 'God I thought you looked awful before'.

Now I would comment on someone's dress, for example, if I thought it was very pretty, but I would NEVER comment on their size, weight loss/gain etc.

Possibly some people who have lost weight have interpreted this as me being unsupportive or jealous but that is very definitely not the case. I just have a policy of never mentioning weight.

Incidentally, losing weight has to be for its own reward, if the praise of others is a big motivation, you are going to run into trouble.

One of the things I had to address in order to lose weight was my need to 'please' and 'be accepted' by others- a lot of what my eating was about was stuffing down my feelings in order to be that 'nice' girl rather than allow myself to have genuine emotions and feelings even when they weren't pleasant. Frankly I had to get to the point where my own opinion was more important to me than anyone elses.

Thanks to you for you loss so far, and good luck, I know what it is like to have a long old journey in front of you. Hold fast.

pussycatdoll · 04/02/2014 10:45

When she was dieting I rang her every day, congratulated her, told her how well she's doing, how amazing she look

Every day ??? Jeez!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 04/02/2014 10:46

"One of the things I had to address in order to lose weight was my need to 'please' and 'be accepted' by others- a lot of what my eating was about was stuffing down my feelings in order to be that 'nice' girl rather than allow myself to have genuine emotions and feelings even when they weren't pleasant. Frankly I had to get to the point where my own opinion was more important to me than anyone elses."

This. Times about a billion.

I don't know why she isn't liking your status updates, but I think you need to try and stop caring. You're doing this for you. You should be very proud of yourself, but if you are doing it to please other people or get acceptance etc from other people, it will be a battle all your life.

Well done on the 39lbs, I hope it continues to go well for you.

Also, is the cambridge diet the one with the meal replacement shakes? Is it expensive?

AwfulMaureen · 04/02/2014 10:47

YANBU. My sisters didn't congratulate me when I got a job at the BBC for fucks sake....it's jealousy. Maybe she is frightened you will be gorgeous and no longer the overweight one?

MunchMunch · 04/02/2014 10:50

Well done, its can be hard especially doing CWP (Ive done it and I loved it) I'm doing Exante at the minute which is cheaper and doesn't have a consultant.

I think it's probably a combination of jealousy that you are doing something about your weight and doing a VLCD/TFR.

As hurtful as you find it just try to turn it round and use it to your advantage.

FloweryFeatureWall · 04/02/2014 10:50

Statuses about it plural? Maybe she is bored of you going in about it. If you're one of those people who update every day referring to it, she might even have hidden you.

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 04/02/2014 10:51

Thanks everyone. We talked everyday anyway since our mum died.

Yeah it's a meal replacement diet, I pay £42 a week xx

OP posts:
pussycatdoll · 04/02/2014 10:52

Does she congratulate you on the phone then ?

pinkyredrose · 04/02/2014 10:54

Well done OP you're doing great! Smile

It might be hard to have your sister dismissive of your efforts but remind yourself that sometimes people don't want the ones around them to change. She may have you labelled as 'the bigger sister' and now you're well on your way to changing that she doesn't know how to deal with it.

I'm sure she'll come round when she sees how determined you are and how much happier you are.

Icansingarainbow · 04/02/2014 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2014 10:58

Yes that's a good point

Perhaps she's hidden you from her news feed?

Not necessarily for this reason

Original poster
Mummytotwox · 04/02/2014 11:01

She's deffo not hid me as she's quick to comment if I'm spending money lol.

Nope she won't talk about it on the phone. She tried cambridge before but failed at it x

OP posts: