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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's sad seeing women begging for proposals

59 replies

Anonfornow00 · 29/01/2014 12:33

I'm seeing so much of this lately, firstly a very successful beauty blogger I keep up with is forever putting up ring statuses with hint hint tagging her boyfriend. My good friend and all round amazing person sends her long term partner pictures of rings weekly and entering wedding competitions, another friend gave her long term partner an ultimatum so he proposed on Valentine's day. I've just seen another girl I know tagging her partner in a picture about how great women are (you know, she carried your children, she makes a house a home etc) and tagged her partner saying how her finger feels empty.

Is it just me or is this fucking crazy? If they want to get engaged so desperately why don't they ask themselves?

It just seems really desperate and everyone around being so aware, when they eventually do pop the question is just feels like they've been broken down.

OP posts:

Waitingforflo · 29/01/2014 12:36

It's certainly pathetic.

Just wait for Valentine's Day though when, otherwise sensible women forget that they are actually allowed to buy flowers for themselves any time of the year . . .

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 29/01/2014 12:36

yanbu. It's embarrassing, either you are an equal in your relationship and discuss it together.. or you are waiting for prince charming to ask you to marry him. But telling him to ask you defeats the point surely?

Starballbunny · 29/01/2014 12:36

Either ask yourself or shut up

patienceisvirtuous · 29/01/2014 12:40

Are you married OP?

I think this post is a little unkind. I agree with the point you're making but it feels a little sneery. It's like "look at how pathetic she is".

Original poster

Anonfornow00 · 29/01/2014 12:41

And what I find so hard to comprehend is the women in question really ARE amazing and actually the potential husband's in these cases are definitely not so!
It's really weird to see such together woman acting so foolish.
I'd get no joy from twisting someone's arm into asking me to marry him but this seems to be very much the norm!

OP posts:

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 29/01/2014 12:42

I'm married, we discussed it. We are both adults, we are both equals.

TheListingAttic · 29/01/2014 12:43

I just don't GET this. At all. Surely, by the time you're ready to commit to married life together, you might have, you know, mentioned it a few times between yourselves already? You might have both expressed that this is where you see it heading? You might be secure enough in the relationship to know that the other person feels the same? And then whether one of you specifically asks, or you just sort of decide between yourselves, you make it official.

This 'thing' about a man getting down on bended knee to pop the question like it's a surprise that you'll get all giddily thrilled about...it's just WEIRD.

Original poster

Anonfornow00 · 29/01/2014 12:43

No I'm not married patience, in fact I'm single but no I'm not jealous I'm such surprised that otherwise normal dignified woman can go on like this!

OP posts:

MonsterMunchMe · 29/01/2014 12:45

One of my good friends did this. She is far too good for him and it was embarrassing to watch. He was just so....resistant.

Now they are married, had a big white wedding that cost £££££££ and she's miserable, he just does not care.

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 29/01/2014 12:46

I think intelligent women making public hint hint type displays brings us all down. Makes women look less important in relationships and marriage hungry

Damnautocorrect · 29/01/2014 12:46

I couldn't agree more, I was at a wedding and a woman on the same table was going on and on and on. It was was awkward and embarrassing

Only1scoop · 29/01/2014 12:48

Yanbu ....makes me cringe
Could never imagine having to bamboozle the love of my life to Marry me.

Longtalljosie · 29/01/2014 12:50

I think hinting in private is fine. More fine, actually, than hanging around never broaching the subject until a good number of your fertile years have gone and you suddenly discover you were Ms Right Now.

Broaching it in public is very embarrassing for all concerned...

MabelSideswipe · 29/01/2014 12:50

I asked my DH to marry me and when I have told female friends this its really common for them to say that they would never do that as they could never be sure their partners really said yes for the right reason and also they would not feel as 'wanted'.

I suppose it would have been nice to have an out of the blue romantic proposal but I went with the moment I was pissed.

Waitingforflo · 29/01/2014 12:51

But it IS pathetic Patience.

If you're in a relationship, you discuss it - you don't sit around waiting for a Disney moment, or, indeed, fabricate one.

hippoesque · 29/01/2014 12:53

Whilst I can see your point you must realise that sometimes a man will stick his own heels in and do it when HE is ready and the reaction to that is to keep banging on about it because she is ready and has been for bloody years (obviously a hypothetical opinion )
FWIW I am still waiting for my darling boyfriend to do it but definitely wouldn't put it out there for the world of social media to see. I'd never live it down!

Original poster

Anonfornow00 · 29/01/2014 12:55

longtall why would it be embarrassing though? I don't mean in the early stages by the way
But I definitely agree to not wasting fertile years I've seen many women do this only for the man to up and leave and have children with someone else!
I just think you should be able to discuss these things frankly with the person you're considering spending the rest of your life with!

Fair play to you Mabel! It's mad, we fight so hard to be equal and it's sickening to watch people throw it away like little school girls asking for a pony!

OP posts:

BlueStones · 29/01/2014 12:56

Agree; this behaviour simply puts all the power in male hands (just for a change . I don't get it.

DitaVonCreamTeas · 29/01/2014 13:00

It makes me cringe.

Like MabelSwideswipe I asked DH. The idea that you should wait for the man to ask 'because otherwise you won't know if he really loves you' makes me feel a bit ill.

TheListingAttic · 29/01/2014 13:01

hippoesque
But why are you waiting? Have neither of you ever expressed any interest in staying together for the long haul and making it official? I can see that someone (man or woman) might dig their heels in if they're feeling pressured into doing it by a deadline or in a certain way. But why is the pressure necessary? I wouldn't want to marry someone who I wasn't sure of, who hadn't indicated that this was where they saw things heading, and who I couldn't calmly and reasonably express the same to without seeming like I was badgering them.

Not having a pop, just from your post I still don't really understand how these sorts of situations happen!

FloweryFeatureWall · 29/01/2014 13:03

I think it's embarrassing. I wouldn't be happy getting married knowing I'd had to pressure the man into it. Wouldn't you always wonder if he actually really wanted to?

McFox · 29/01/2014 13:05

It's totally embarrassing, it makes me cringe.

One of my close friends has been harping on at her bf to get engaged for 3/4 years. It nearly split them up on a few occasions. When things were good, and they were happy anyway, I just don't understand why she made an issue out.

She was devastated when we got married, engaged and pregnant before they were engaged, like there's some kind of timescale that everyone should be sticking too!

I can understand the desire to get married, but I'd rather discuss it with my partner and make an equal decision, not wait for an over the top proposal driven by moaning and arguments!

Original poster

Anonfornow00 · 29/01/2014 13:12

McFox my friend was exactly the same when I was with my ex, they were together a year or two longer than us and every little "milestone" like moving in together etc she would comment on how unfair it was. I thought this was crazy! But now I'm single and she's engaged so things can change in an instant but she's no happier though which is really sad and he still won't move in with her!

OP posts:

patienceisvirtuous · 29/01/2014 13:14

I wasn't assuming you were jealous but thought you might be a smug married sneering at insecure women.

Yes it's a shame they feel they have to do this. Maybe they see all their peers getting married and really want the same for their relationship but it's obviously not forthcoming. Maybe they're feeling panicky. People aren't perfect and don't always go about things the right way, I can certainly empathise with that.

For info, I am not married - but we plan to be in the near future, no hinting involved.

Pigeonhouse · 29/01/2014 13:16

It's deeply cringeworthy, as is the desperate hoping for a stage-managed Disney moment - solitaire, hot air balloon over the Eiffel Tower/at sunset in the Maldives/down on one knee in a flower meadow/whatever you're having yourself.

Agreeing with all those who are genuinely baffled by the longterm, often cohabiting couples who are already obviously mutually committed to a future together and have discussed marriage and plan to do it, where the woman then comes on Mn wailing that her partner didn't propose to her on Valentine's Day, and how she wants to be engaged! Woman, you are already engaged. You were engaged from the day you and your SO talked about marriage. Why is he supposed to ask you after the event? Do you think he thought you didn't mean it first time around?

Or is because you have to be 'whisked' off somewhere to get engaged? As if you were some eggwhite in a bowl???

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