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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Noisy neighbours!

30 replies

Aldan · 23/01/2014 07:32

My next door neighbours 2 year old has been having full on tantrums every night around midnight for weeks now. It wakes me up every night. They are proper tantrums, screaming, kicking, slamming doors etc. my 5 year old Is complaining everyday that he's tired as he wakes up every night because of her. I have a 10 month old too so we are all shattered. AIBU to go over there today to tell them how tired we all are and expect something to be done???

OP posts:
Fairy1303 · 23/01/2014 07:38

It's difficult though isn't it because what can they do?
I really feel for you and I do think it would be good to go over there but I don't think go raging, they are probably at the end of their tether too!

Sirzy · 23/01/2014 07:44

I feel for you but unless you can provide them with a miracle cure to tantrums I am not sure what you going around insisting something is done about it is going to do!

Original poster
Aldan · 23/01/2014 07:52

I know. I don't want to fall out with them but I can't have my DS being tired all the time because of her. We are all just so tired. I've had a cold for over a week that's not shifting and the noise has been going on since way before Christmas.

It's annoying for me but I'm more upset for my DS who's just asked me why she cries so much and wakes him up Hmm

OP posts:
3bunnies · 23/01/2014 07:55
MomsStiffler · 23/01/2014 08:05

Our neighbours are a PITA. I can just about stomach the precocious brat having a tantrum because he's been told "no", but I'm getting really ticked off with the mother shouting at him twice as loudly.

Like you, don't want to fall out with them but am thinking of ways to "even things up"....

As to the tantruming toddlers, something obviously isn't working in the way it's being dealt with - they need to find the trigger and/or adapt & change methods until they find a way of preventing them/calming the child down - it can be done!!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/01/2014 08:09

Could be night terrors at that time which are a form of sleepwalking. My DD had them.

She also screams and bangs in night..we sympathise with neighbours but seriously cannot stop her short of gagging and tying her up.

It is probably similar for your neighbours.

Original poster
Aldan · 23/01/2014 08:13

She also tantrums in the day and the mum shouting is often louder than the tantruming.

Checking out rightmove...

OP posts:
allthingsfluffy · 23/01/2014 08:13

As to the tantruming toddlers, something obviously isn't working in the way it's being dealt with - they need to find the trigger and/or adapt & change methods until they find a way of preventing them/calming the child down - it can be done!!

You can't dole out parenting advice to your neighbours, no matter how much you would like to.

By all means go over, if you really believe you can get your point across without appearing accusatory. My guess is that they are probably sleep deprived themselves from the broken sleep/late nights, and you turning up at their door won't go down well.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/01/2014 08:13

Can't you swop his bedroom round?

She's not going to be doing it in a few months, it's likely a phase. And obviously could happen to your youngest.

MomsStiffler · 23/01/2014 08:28

You can't dole out parenting advice to your neighbours, no matter how much you would like to.

I wasn't suggesting she should, that was more of a comment to the "kids tantrum, what can you do" crowd. Not all tantrums are inevitable & unstoppable.....

gimcrack · 23/01/2014 08:32

Earplugs for you and get your kid to bed down in another room. A gentle 'are you ok? You must be very tired' will flag to your neighbour that you can hear the noise.

absentmindeddooooodles · 23/01/2014 08:57

I really understand how frustrating it must be. However....ive been on the other side of this.

My 2yo ds has never liked sleep. He went through a phase of waking up at 2am and screaming the house down for about 2 hpurs. Nothing I did would stop him. Literally tried everything. I felt awful for the neighbours but what else could I do? I spent so long worrying and apologising about it. Didnt change the fact that ds was screaming though.

It must be horrid for you all being woken up like that....but what do you suggest they do?

absentmindeddooooodles · 23/01/2014 09:02

Moms.. . .. sometimes regardless of what you do tantrums cannot be stopped! Thats definatley the case for my ds anyway. He is being assessed for adhd and as and when he decides to have a meltdown tjats it. He is huge. In 4-5 clothes and almost 3 stone. I physically cannot control him sometimes.....and as for keeping him quiet? Short of gags and duct tape I dont see how it can be done. He does not reapond to talking, reasoning,shouting, bribery, distraction etc at times like that.

Yes there are ways with dealing with tantrums....but they dont always work. Some kids are so strong willed or uave underlying issues that make it hard to control!

Original poster
Aldan · 23/01/2014 09:25

I was not intending to go over there and give advice I just wanted to make then aware of the problems it causes us. An apology would be nice to be honest and maybe hearing that they are doing something to try to make it stop (although I have no idea what that would be).

Unfortunately I can't move DS as there is nowhere for him to be moved to except downstairs and he's too little for that. She isn't even in a bedroom that touches our house so I don't think moving him would help anyway.

I accept that all children cry and a lot do go through the tantrum phase it's just that it's been going on for so long it feels like a lifestyle choice not a phase Grin

OP posts:
formerbabe · 23/01/2014 09:27

There is nothing you can do.

If they could get her to stop, then I am sure they would.

aderynlas · 23/01/2014 09:34

Id just try and have a word in passing. Maybe moving their dc to a different room would be an option for them. Hope she stops soon and you all get some sleep.

CrazyHmissesHerbie · 23/01/2014 09:36

Their really isn't anything that you can do that won't make the parents feel more awful than they already probably do , If your lucky it could just be a phase so you could just tough it out .

I dread to think what my neighbours would say about me as my Ds5 has insomnia and hasn't slept through since he was born (AS/ADHD) & if my neighbour came round to complain it would make things so much more stressful as I'd be on edge iyswim

exmrs · 23/01/2014 09:39

I'm also having trouble with my next door neighbors and wondering what I can do , only moved here 2 months ago after my son who has special needs was being bullied in communal gardens when he played out, moving has totally wiped all my money out and was very stressful as I had to persuade my son to move as he hates change.

We moved to a much smaller terraced house and next doors toddler screams every night for a long time usually with a lot of shouting at him from the couple. Now my son has a sleep disorder in that he finds it hard to go to sleep and stay asleep and this noise is keeping him from sleeping and although he isn't crying he is awake and I can hear him moving about as he has been woken and he is tired for school. He also has trouble understanding and is sensitive to loud noises and I'm on edge thinking my son will start banging on the wall or shouting shut up.

There is no where it can move my son and it's pointless as you can hear everything anyway in any room but I feel so upset that I moved for a fresh start and put me in debt to give us a happier life and now don't know if my son can cope living next to them.

The other neighbor next door to this couple said this has gone on for over 7 months now .

What can I do ?

Original poster
Aldan · 23/01/2014 09:42

Estate agents coming round next week to value the house!

OP posts:
FeegleFion · 23/01/2014 09:42

We have neighbours on one side with 3 young children ranging from around 5-11yrs and the noise they make, on an almost constant basis, is unreal and it always escalates at around the time I put my baby down in his cot.

The neighbours on the other side have a toddler and there's times when we can hear banging, like a ball being bounced on hard floors, at all times of the night and can cause us to wake but I'd never dream of going round to any of my neighbours to discuss how noisy they are.

As far as I'm concerned, when you live next to families with young children, noise is part of life. Yes, it can cause me to whinge but it's nobody's fault and I'd hate for anyone to tiptoe around their own homes for fear we might complain.

My baby will be toddling soon and I'd be mortified if either of my neighbours came round to tell me he was too noisy.

The little girls parents will be stressed/ tired/ worried as it is. It won't last forever and in the meantime the suggestion up thread of earplugs and a room swap sounds like a good one.

wonkylegs · 23/01/2014 09:44

The fact that it's midnight makes me think it's night terrors too.
If it is, there is little they can do to minimise it I'm afraid. DS regularly suffered from night terrors from 9mths to 3yrs, it was a harrowing time for us.
I researched it, tried every suggestion but in the end just found we had to work through it. Both he and his dad now sleepwalk and shout crazy things in their sleep, I've resigned myself to a lifetime of it.Sad
If it is a tantrum and the parent is shouting back then perhaps a quiet word, sympathising about how hard work children are but any chance they could keep shouting back to a minimum. BUT don't expect it to be taken well by your neighbour.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/01/2014 09:47

If you are selling then you are legally obliged to declare any disputes with neighbours so dont rause it with them.

allthingsfluffy · 23/01/2014 11:24

Are you intending on buying a new house in the middle of nowhere? Because sometimes its better the devil you know.

You could move in next to a family who like loud music, or have a dog that barks or people who row constantly.

Saying you are going to sell your house because of this actually makes you sound quite unhinged tbh. If you live beside people you are going to be disturbed by them. We have a dog on one side that sounds like sawing wood, and diy freaks on the other who are always banging something. I still worry that our dog barks too much or that we are too noisy, even though I know they are both worse.

fairyhellokitty · 23/01/2014 12:11

This must be very frustrating

gnittinggnome · 23/01/2014 12:12

Can you not look into insulating your common wall? It would increase the sound-proofing overall, which can only be a good thing, and would be cheaper than moving.