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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want him to leave.

26 replies

motherhen83 · 27/12/2013 17:51

I have a problem....last night I saw a text on my husbands phone saying "when can we meet up again baby" there was a whole conversation but before I could read it he snatched the phone and deleted it. He says he met a girl in a pub and swapped numbers and hasn't seen her since but I don't believe him. Its the 2nd time he has strayed...I dont know if he has slept with anyone....at a guess id say he has. AiBU to want him to leave without much proof, we have been together 10 years with 4 kids who are devestated.

OP posts:
persimmon · 27/12/2013 17:53

YANBU to want him to leave if you are sure he has been unfaithful. You clearly don't trust him. But with 4 DCs, is there any way you can work through it - or at least try? Is your relationship generally OK?

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 27/12/2013 17:54

You told the kids?

Shinyshoes1 · 27/12/2013 17:56

Met a woman
SWAPPED numbers
Deleting texts

LTB

Original poster
motherhen83 · 27/12/2013 17:57

No I didnt tell the kids one of them over heard me telling him to get his own place walls have ears

OP posts:
AwfulMaureen · 27/12/2013 17:57

YANBU. But yes...why did you tell the kids at this point? Are they teens?

Original poster
motherhen83 · 27/12/2013 17:58

I didnt tell them one of them overheard and blabbed

OP posts:
OrangePixie · 27/12/2013 17:59

It may not be much proof but it is still proof. He shouldn't be swapping numbers with girls in bars.

But only you can make this decision.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 27/12/2013 17:59

Repost on the relationships board.

camtt · 27/12/2013 18:00

you don't need proof, you only need to be sure this is the right thing to do for you and your family.

MiniTheMinxLovesMinxPies · 27/12/2013 18:00

With so many straying husbands it makes me think we are playing a game of pass the parcel. Swap one straying eedjit for another. Cynicism aside, if you want a committed relationship and he clearly wants something else, he would be very selfish to stay. At the very least he has been flirting with this girl and the idea of straying again.

Topseyt · 27/12/2013 18:02

You clearly have grounds to distrust him, and that is hardly the bedrock for a stable marriage.

It is unlikely he will ever improve, so I guess you have to consider your options carefully.

Original poster
motherhen83 · 27/12/2013 18:02

Yes I agree. Why can't men just b happy with what they have. I hear so many stories similar to mine

OP posts:
notanotherusername1 · 27/12/2013 18:03

Don't act to quickly. You need to talk this through, maybe nothing has happened, just texting at the moment, not saying that's ok though. Do you think he will be honest with you? How is everything else between you both?

I am not suggesting you become a doormat but do try and talk calmly first. don't act in haste.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2013 18:04

I'm guessing if it was all innocent, he wouldn't have grabbed the phone and deleted the messages.

You two need to talk calmly in private about this...away from the kids and decided what to do.

selfdestructivelady · 27/12/2013 18:06

I would leave him you have enough proof imo.

Original poster
motherhen83 · 27/12/2013 18:06

Everything has been fine we r getting on really well. He works away which gives him a green light. I have talked to him but I just get emotional blackmail. Its also really hard to speak around the kids its a nightmare I wanted to b together forever and I wanted my kids to have both parents living together I'm a bit old fashioned I suppose

OP posts:
selfdestructivelady · 27/12/2013 18:06

I would leave him you have enough proof imo.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2013 18:11

How old are the kids?

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 27/12/2013 18:18

So hes done it once, luckily got forgiven and hes doing it again.

You really wanna stay with a man who dont respect you enough to stay faithful.

Cabrinha · 27/12/2013 18:29

Well, he's clearly at it again. I'm sorry but you have proof.
He's done or before, and he's not even trying now, is he?
I think he used up his one chance.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 27/12/2013 18:36

Whatever you decide can I suggest you get checked at an std clinic. Not something you have to think about but he obviously cannot be trusted and this is the second time you've caught him which is not necessarily the second time he's cheated.

Meantime the relationship board, as has been suggested, would be a good place to post for help and support with whatever you decide to do.

Original poster
motherhen83 · 27/12/2013 18:49

They r 9,7,5 and 7 months

OP posts:
sykadelic15 · 27/12/2013 18:57

Well, you could always look at your phone bill for any random numbers you don't know... but that just asks for hysteria.

If he wasn't cheating he'd've had no problem with the messages. Even if sex didn't take place that msg and subsequent deletion is a huge breach of trust.

If you want to leave, leave. You have every right to be happy and if you aren't happy, then leave. If you can get over the cheating and be happy in the other facets of your life, then stay. Personally I would leave but I would have left the first time.

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 27/12/2013 19:05

This behaviour is unacceptable. Swapping numbers with girls!! He is married ffs.
My beliefs are similar, married for life, children have both parents, but.... Not if it meant husband could please himself with who ever he liked.
The doubt and distrust will stay unless you do something.
I hope you sort this out. It's a horrible thing to happen.

Buzzardisnotina4birdroast · 27/12/2013 19:12

I think you already have proof. How naive are some people?