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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think cheap weddings are the best!

68 replies

Kendodd · 30/11/2013 12:28

So many threads about spending a fortune on a wedding, we can't afford to get married, moaning about amount spent to attend wedding. You don't need to!

One of the best weddings I have ever been to was at the local registry office then we all got the bus to the pub/restaurant (we would have got taxis but then the bus came along). The bride and groom didn't have any money but really wanted to get married so asked for 'no presents, but please pay for your own meal'. It was great and completely stress free for everybody.

OP posts:

8thplace · 30/11/2013 12:34

I agree with you.
Spending a fortune is crazy.

I got married 20 years ago. Still happily married.
Local registry office and then party back in our flat.
Lots of lovely food and drink and a great day and night.
No present requested either.
Many of the friends who came sill talk about it being an amazing low key fun filled wedding.

Alisvolatpropiis · 30/11/2013 12:37

Yabu and Yanbu.

Cheap weddings aren't necessarily the best but people who accept their budget and don't drive themselves and others crazy over spending tend to have better weddings.

If you can afford an expensive wedding then fine but if not, accept it.

MimiSunshine · 30/11/2013 12:38

YABU in my opinion. I don't get the inverted snobbery on wedding budgets and competitive frugality.

Personally I don't plan on spending a lot on my future wedding. But what I consider not a lot would probably be fortune to someone else. But it's a quarter of what my friend spent on hers.

Spend what you have / want and be happy.

scaevola · 30/11/2013 12:40

I think that the weddings I have enjoyed most are when the B&G seem to be doing the 'push the boat out' version of their usual style of a party.

I think the "wedding industry" has limited what people think is OK to do, and has led to unnecessary consumption that doesn't really add much to the occasion.

Original poster

Kendodd · 30/11/2013 12:40

If you can afford an expensive wedding then fine but if not, accept it.

I agree, but, expensive wedding are very often expensive to attend as well (new clothes, expensive gift, hotel bills) the guests might find this hard to afford.

OP posts:

LunaticFringe · 30/11/2013 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMoon76 · 30/11/2013 12:42

Weddings that you don't get into debt for are the best. We spent enough on ours but didn't get into debt, could afford what we paid and had a great day with our big Irish wedding. What makes a wedding great is the people at it rather than how little or how much money was spent.

Bubbless · 30/11/2013 12:47

Trying to plan our wedding at the moment, and it's outrageously expensive. We have set a budget of 2000 and that's it.. When it's gone it's gone!
I think I understand what you mean though OP, I went to a wedding a while ago and everything was planned to within an inch of its life because they had spend so much money they wanted t all to be perfect!!

cardibach · 30/11/2013 12:49

Kendodd I agree with Alis - people should have the wedding they can afford. I don't see how an expensive wedding necessarily means it is any more expensive for guests. You don't need a new outfit any more than you would for a cheaper wedding. If your friends are marrying and know you are strapped for cash surely they won't expect a big present from you? The wedding will be where it is whatever the cost, so if you need a hotel stay you will need it for a cheap wedding, too. You don't have to stay at the venue. I think you are equating expensive weddings with grasping/showing off. A lovely couple having an expensive wedding they can afford will be just as welcoming and understanding as if they were having a cheap wedding, surely?

Bowlersarm · 30/11/2013 12:50

YABU.

I've been to amazing weddings which have cost very little. I've been to amazing weddings which have cost tens of thousands.

It has little to do with money, more to do with the people involved.

ZillionChocolate · 30/11/2013 12:51

I think the best weddings are where the B&G are considerate to their guests. That means different weddings for different people. I agree there's no need to spend above your budget.

impatientlywaiting · 30/11/2013 12:54

For me the best weddings are when the people closest to me get married.

Been to a few where they aren't as close friends and it's been mine but my sisters weddings and mine have been my absolute favourite. We've all had very different budgets and how long we planned them for, but at these weddings i've known almost everyone there (obviously knew all at my own wedding) and we've had the best time irrelevant of the budget which they spent.

It also makes a difference how much I know the couple, I have a much better time at a wedding when I know both the bride and the groom really well as opposed to being friends with one and only having met the other a couple of times. When I know both sides of the couple well I think it makes it much better for me as I've been so happy that they are getting married and to know how happy they are together etc gives me such a good feeling on the day.

I think YABU to consider the budget to be differentiating factor in how much enjoyment you get from a wedding. For me it's genuinely low down on the list and it's more about the people there.

Summerblaze · 30/11/2013 12:56

The best weddings i have been to have been just in the middle, expense wise. I went to one in a registry office, back at someones house and it was a nice day and i have been to OTT wedding that have been nice. But the ones that have been as a pp said 'a push the boat out' version of a normal family party have been talk about them for years type events ie: church followed by photos followed by sit down meal with speeches and then a good old knees up on the night. Oh and kids.

I dislike the weddings that seem to be happening now. A very close member of my family has decided to get married 3 hours away from where she and either sets of family and no friends lives just because it is a nicer place. My dsis said she knew an amazing and fairly cheap photographer but they want an expensive one. Having gift list somewhere expensive, stag and hen do's away for extended weekend and are discussing magicians, photo booths, etc. Will cost our family of 5, around £1000 to attend for a couple if nights but we could have a weeks holiday for that. We can afford it but
dont want to. Feel like we have to though.

DipMeInChocolate · 30/11/2013 13:06

You can spend £100k or £100 but the next day the result is the same, you are married.
So much focus on the wedding that the marriage gets overlooked.

WooWooOwl · 30/11/2013 13:10

I don't think cheap weddings are the best. They can be brilliant, but equally, they can be awful, as can weddings with big budgets.

The best weddings in my experience are ones where the guests' happiness have been considered as important as the brides, and that can happen with both expensive and cheap weddings.

Grennie · 30/11/2013 13:17

I went to a lovely wedding where we had a picnic in the park. Kids had a ball playing and running around. The rest of us sat in the sunshine drinking wine and eating food. It was very relaxed and great fun.

RayPurchase · 30/11/2013 13:28

YABU. My wedding was the best and it wasn't cheap. I would have hated a registry office - village hall type affair.

Grennie · 30/11/2013 13:36

I do think the OP is right that the best weddings, for the guests anyway, are more relaxed type affairs. These tend to be cheaper weddings, although it is not always the case.

fatlazymummy · 30/11/2013 13:37

I agree, the best weddings are those ones where the guests are treated with consideration, irrespective of the budget.
The worst ones are where the couple try to have a wedding beyond their budget by cutting corners ,even offloading some of the costs onto their guests.
That's just from the viewpoint of a guest though.
It's not up to me to dictate how much or how other people spend their money.

SirChenjin · 30/11/2013 13:41

My favourite weddings have been the cheaper ones - the ones that are informal, quirky, personal to the B&G and don't involve fancy schmancy hotels with eye-watering bar costs or expensive get-ups for the guests.

There was a lovely thread on here recently - a MNetter is getting married next year on a very limited budget. We all had great fun helping to give her ideas for a fantastic wedding on limited resources - it's amazing how inventive you can be when you need to, rather than being forced onto the wedding conveyor belt.

Trills · 30/11/2013 13:52

YABU

"Spending less money" does not make a wedding any better than it would have been if more money were spent. The personality and choices of the people organising it are what make it good or not.

Money is only relevant in that it facilitates making the event be as they want it to be

ImaginativeNewName · 30/11/2013 13:55

YABU. I have been to some truly dismal cheap weddings.

CoffeeTea103 · 30/11/2013 14:07

Yabu, my wedding was very expensive, but we made sure that the day made our guests feel a part of everything not just spectators.

BumPotato · 30/11/2013 14:13

The best wedding I've attended cost the couple a fucking fortune. They rented a castle for the weekend. We were guests there from the Friday afternoon to the Sunday afternoon. The whole event was planned out meticulously and all the guests had a ball. The couple themselves were obviously stressed and the marriage didn't last.

SoupDragon · 30/11/2013 14:14

YABU. The best wedding is the one that suits the bride and groom - it has nothing to do with how much it cost.

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