To think cheap weddings are the best!

[Kendodd]

So many threads about spending a fortune on a wedding, we can't afford to get married, moaning about amount spent to attend wedding. You don't need to!

One of the best weddings I have ever been to was at the local registry office then we all got the bus to the pub/restaurant (we would have got taxis but then the bus came along). The bride and groom didn't have any money but really wanted to get married so asked for 'no presents, but please pay for your own meal'. It was great and completely stress free for everybody.

So - a great wedding, a not so great marriage?

I am fortunately at the age where I don't often get an invitation to a wedding but when I think back to all the weddings I have attended it is shocking how many marriages have broken up. Isn't there a link somewhere saying that the more expensive the wedding the shorter it will last. DH & I had a very low key wedding (two guests in the registry office and a very small lunch afterwards ) - we just celebrated our 25th anniversary.

Personally my favourite weddings are the smaller, less formal type of wedding - and as a guest you really don't need to buy a new outfit for every wedding you attend.

"Expensive weddings are often expensive for the guests as well"

I guess ours was a midrange wedding. Below the national average apparently, but it was still a posh do in a hotel, sit down 3 course meal etc.

I couldn't have cared less if my guests bought new clothes- it was a summer wedding and most guests came in summer dresses/trousers and shirt type combo. DH and I would have certainly already had something suitable in our wardrobe had we been guests.

We committed the cardinal MN sin of asking for money for our honeymoon in lieu of gifts. Sorry, but most people were going to bring gifts even if we had asked for none. And having lived together for a good while beforehand, there really wasn't anything we needed or wanted, and we haven't the space for sentimental knick knack type things (which is presumably what we would have got had we not had a specific gift list). Most people gave in the region of £10-£20, so it's not like they spent more than they would have on a gift. Some people did not give any money, and that was fine, we sent out cards thanking people for attending, and for their good wishes.

We deliberately had a very local wedding, a number of guests lived within walking distance, the vast majority within a reasonable taxi (or bus) ride. Those that needed to stay in the hotel would have needed to book a hotel regardless of whether it was an expensive do or not (ie relatives coming from the other end of the country)- and I did provide details of cheaper accommodation that was within walking distance of the venue.

Finally, we put a sum of money behind the bar for drinks, it lasted well into the evening. Many people did not have to put their hand in their pocket once.

PS children were very welcome, and activities were provided for them!

I don't like paybar weddings.

But liw jey weddings with plenty if plonk and food... Great!

I loved my wedding - there was only 19 people including me and my husband, just immediate family with my best friend and her husband the only non-family.

It was in a wee village just outside Gretna Green as that was the mid-point for my Welsh in laws and Scottish family, so everything round there is geared for weddings. We got married late in the afternoon and had a sit down meal then got drunk and had karaoke, everyone did a song including my granny & grandma who didn't do 'that sort of thing' (thoroughly pickled with rum & gin respectively at the time!).

It was great because I had the people there I really wanted, we made a weekend of it as it was the first time both sides of the family had met and I had all the things I wanted - dress, old fashioned car, chimney sweep, bagpipes etc.

This is what makes a wedding imo - the bride & groom enjoying their day, with the people they love and want around them, having fun and a shared experience. If your 'thing' is to be big and lavish, or if your tastes are simple, it makes no difference - your guests will enjoy it if they are there because they love you.

Your wedding sounds great Monica. But at some weddings the guests almost feel like extras at a performance. The worst I went to was a very posh one where after the service in a posh venue, we were all left for ages while photos were taken. There were only a few seats, and no drinks, not even a bar open. It was a warm day, and guests were asking staff to do a favour and provide guests with tap water - they weren't allowed to sell us anything.

Imo expensive weddings all tend to be in souless places where you have to be deadly serious. Its not really my thing

Oh I went to a "Wedding" like that once, never again. It was awful. Weddings are supposed to be about the couples commitment but they should also be classy & that just is not.

Why do weddings have to be classy?

It's this preoccupation with so-called classiness that sucks the life and soul out of so many weddings. More than whether or not it was expensive.

The absolute worst wedding I've been to was a day-long photo-shoot with a church wedding ceremony stuck in the middle somewhere. The reception was at an expensive hotel that looked like an old people's home. Everything was colour co-ordinated and themed to within an inch of its life. No-one got anthing to eat or drink for two hours, because the bride and groom were having a mammoth photo session outside, and had spent money that would have been better used for refreshments on colour co-ordinated accessories. Everything was covered in pale green bows, but there was nowhere to sit down and nothing to drink. When the bar opened, it was pay-only and extremely expensive. We got one glass of bad sparkling wine for a toast.

During the reception, the bride and groom repeatedly fucked off for more pictures and make-up reapplications. The "tasteful", intrusive decor and the strictly enforced, sitting-next-to-a-stranger table plan killed any atmosphere there might have been. It was almost as if we were afraid to ruin the scene, as there were photographers there, as well.

Worst of all, DD (then 9) was a bridesmaid, and was required from 8am onwards to participate in the "getting ready" photoshoot. She was not allowed to eat or drink anything in case she spilt it down her dress (she was fucking 9, not 3). I had to stay with her, as no-one had any interest in actually interacting with her or looking after her.

I hadn't been that fond of the bride or her wet partner beforehand. I became distinctly less fond of them then.

That wedding wasn't classy TheSmallClanger - it was a lot of things, but classy isn't one of them

I love cheap weddings where it's possible to relax and have fun. I don't like weddings where food and drink is short but you're standing around in a castle.

I also like cheap weddings on principle because I'm a bit of an old lefty and I see it them as two fingers up to an industry that is excessively cynical and grabby.

The best weddings are the ones where people ignore the dull wedding rules and just throw a great party. This can be done on a mega budget or a mini budget.

But this doesn't mean that cheap weddings are necessarily the best so YABU. There is a lot of inverted wedding snobbery on MN.

Some people obviously think classy = posh.

I think SmallClanger has it spot on, take photos at your wedding instead of getting married at your photo shoot. I found posing for photos a bit dull at my own wedding, it's really boring at other people's. There's really no need to make a documentary about your wedding, get on and enjoy it while it's happening!

I also like cheap weddings on principle because I'm a bit of an old lefty and I see it them as two fingers up to an industry that is excessively cynical and grabby

Absolutely spot on. Weddings have become more of an industrial money maker and less about the marriage imo.

I agree with Alis.

I dont mind a posh wedding as long as it is not abroad or in a castle in the middle of nowhere.
I see it as an opportunity to dress up and drink champagne! I dont do this often, i have the rest of the year to be miserable.

Likewise i dont mind low budget weddings either. I ve been to some fab ones.

My wedding was cheap-registry office-reception at home-buffet and loads of booze. Everyone says 22 years later how good it was. My best friend got marrid a few years ago with registry office and a meal in a local italian restaurant-equally brilliant-

Do what you can afford. We weren't in debt after ours and I suppose you'd call it cheap, some people loved it, some people thought it was shite, each to their own.

From my limited wedding experience I have to agree. The best wedding we went to was for one of DH's friends. We all went the day before to help decorate the wedding venue (a school hall if I remember rightly) and the reception (a church hall). By the time we were finished the place looked brilliant. It was really lovely to be able to contribute to the day. The food was all at trestle tables and was lovely vegetarian fare.

The most extravagant wedding we went to was fun too, but lasted for days (there were all sorts of organised events going on) and we were kind of swept along in the madness of it all. It was great, but I don't remember it with the same fondness as the cheaper one.

Never been to a mega posh wedding but usually a very good hotel. Same old set up same mediocre scran, pretty much same and ok for around £20k. However this year I have been to two low key do's and have to say cracking do's. More relaxed, more fun, children playing outside on bouncy castle, hog roast, outside in the sun, DJ, laid back and honestly better food too.

Ditching the favours, OTT flower arrangements, seriously expensive drinks much better.

We had our party on the farm in the shed, it was fab, everyone still talks about it now.

I went to a cheap wedding a couple of years ago, it was pretty bad but the couple were not very creative or imaginative. You can do a wedding for little money but it depends on the couple as to whether it's any good or not.

My wedding was awesome, obviously but took us three years to save for.

I got married this year. We had a register office ceremony, and ten went to Pizza Express for a meal. Once we'd put the kids to bed we went to our favourite pub for the evening with friends. It was a brilliant day, I enjoyed it far more than my first wedding which was a big posh do.

Meh, depends. I have been to soooo many weddings. Of all types of budgets. My favourite ones are the ones where the couples seem happy to see their guests and each other.

I loved my wedding and I guess, although it was a big guest count, it was really relaxed and happy. Good food, lots of booze, dancing and then going home at the end of it.

Think that's all you really need.

I agree that so many weddings seem to be 'soul less' and all the same as each other - too long standing around while photos are being taken, one dreary glass of luke warm white wine with some indifferent canapes, seating plan where you rarely sit with anyone you want to that includes the wedding I went to when I was strictly told my DS was not invited yet I ended up sitting with other people's children, awful speeches, rubber chicken, a dreary disco, very expensive pay bar. You get the picture .

And no doubt the Bride and Groom pay an awful lot of money for that sort of thing.