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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

whos being unreasonable ..gay friends

64 replies

nohopeland · 17/11/2013 22:38

I have 2 best friends, 1 with 2 boys and a male gay friend.
The male friend has a long term boyfriend who we have all become friends with and my own children know him as x boyfriend it has never been an issue.

Today I found outt when they go round our other friends house who has 2 sons they are not a couple and not known as a couple due to her thinking her son's are to young to be exposed to life issues like homosexuals.
AIBU to be a bit confused by this.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 17/11/2013 22:40

She sounds a bit silly.

MrsDrRanj · 17/11/2013 22:41

Your friend is being massively unreasonable and I don't see how your gay friend is ok with this! Unbelievably rude and she is clearly homophobic. Being gay isn't 'an issue'. Does she pretend all straight couples are just friends because her little darlings shouldn't be exposed to adult relationships yet?

Brittapie · 17/11/2013 22:41

She's being ridiculous.

SPsDoesntLikeChaffingFishnets · 17/11/2013 22:41

They will catch the gay don't ya know

badtime · 17/11/2013 22:41

That is ridiculous. Why would someone even think it was an issue?

okthen · 17/11/2013 22:42

Shock She's ridiculous.

SantanaLopez · 17/11/2013 22:43

I don't know why they would put up with that. Ridiculous.

hoobypickypicky · 17/11/2013 22:43

"her thinking her son's are to young to be exposed to life issues like homosexuals"!

Hmm

It's not a life issue it's a way of life for many people! It's she who has the issue, not the gay couple. She's no friend to them and I wouldn't want her as a friend of mine either.

Do these poor men feel they have to allow her to deny their relationship without challenging or correcting her?

SkinnybitchWannabe · 17/11/2013 22:44

My brother is gay and lives with his longterm partner.
My. three ds dont know, he doesnt care if they know or not.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/11/2013 22:44

She's being ridiculous and if your friend is in an important relationship then she cannot value him and his lifestyle choices very highly.

SeaSickSal · 17/11/2013 22:44

I think that's silly. Children don't really have preconceptions. I grew up with two older gay men next door and just assumed that if they lived together they were married. It didn't even occur to me that two men couldn't be married to each other if they wanted to.

Children take these things in their stride and most of them actually find it more logical that two men can get married if they want to. It's only as people get older they are sometimes conditioned to see these relationships as 'wrong'. Sounds like this is what your friend is doing a bit which is a shame for her children.

Original poster
nohopeland · 17/11/2013 22:44

That was my thinking , she thinks at their age they don't need to know about that stuff yet and that it will cause questions

OP posts:
SkinnybitchWannabe · 17/11/2013 22:45

Must also add that Im not homophobic at all..I would tell my lads in a heartbeat if my db was at all bothered he really doesnt give a shit tbh

Smartiepants79 · 17/11/2013 22:46

Well it is a fairly complex issue for young children to understand and it is up to her what she tells her own children.
However I think if she didn't make a big deal out of it, just treated it as she would a heterosexual relationship she would probably find they will just take it in their stride.
They will have to know at some point. Personally I would just do as you have done and tell them.

MrsDrRanj · 17/11/2013 22:47

skinny then why on earth are you purposely not telling them about your brothers long term partner?

Original poster
nohopeland · 17/11/2013 22:48

My eldest son has questioned it and I didn't lie lol we just had an age appropriate convo about it.. if I was my friend I wouldn't go around her house at all

OP posts:
SkinnybitchWannabe · 17/11/2013 22:51

Because we dont feel we have too. Ive asked my db many times if he wants my ds to know. As Ive said twice my db is not bothered.
Its his choice and my choice. If my ds ask then I will tell them.
To say I am purposely not telling them is ridiculous.

OoooohFreaky · 17/11/2013 22:52

Skinny - when your sons reach an age where you feel it is acceptable for them to know, how will they feel that you've hidden this major piece of information from them?
What will this do to their personal opinion of homosexuality? (Something to be ashamed of and hide away?)
Will their opinion of you change do you think, for hiding this from them?

Sorry, I know this thread isn't about you, but they are the questions I'd want to ask the op's friend, and she's not there! I'm not asking to start a fight btw, I want to understand why you are hiding their uncles sexuality.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 17/11/2013 22:52

Exactly nohope. Totally agree with you.

SPsDoesntLikeChaffingFishnets · 17/11/2013 22:53

I wouldn't make a point of telling my son about a gay couple if they didn't ask just as I wouldn't tell him about a straight couple if he didn't ask.

MomentForLife · 17/11/2013 22:54

Your friend is being stupid but it's up to the male friend if he's happy to go along with the situation. Personaly my DD has always known two of my friends are gay. I hope that if she realised she was gay when she's older she could come to me because she knows it's not a 'life issue' it's just the way you are.

WelshMaenad · 17/11/2013 22:54

How very very odd of her. Does she expose her children to unmarried hetero couples? Or single mums? Or us she just selectively homophobic about the 'life issues' her children are 'exposed' to?

My poor children have been 'exposed' to same sex couples for most of their tiny innocent lives, and don'tseem any the worse for it. For very small people I've found that the book 'and Tango makes three' really good for presenting the idea if a same sex couple in a really normal, accepting way.

EirikurNoromaour · 17/11/2013 22:54

It's not complex at all
'Some men don't fall in love with women but men instead, and some women fall in love with women instead of men'...make it a non issue and children will not develop preconceptions or prejudices. Make it an 'issue' and you teach your child that being gay is something troubling, difficult to understand, scary, adult.
Skinnybitch, why don't you tell your children that your brother's partner is a man? Surely by making it I to a secret you are setting it up to be a huge serious reveal at some point, thereby making it a much bigger deal than it needs to be, and also installing the notion that there is something wrong about his choice of partner?

OoooohFreaky · 17/11/2013 22:54

Smartie - it shouldn't be a complex issue. From a young age, all dc need to know is that some men love women, and vice versa, some men love men and some women love women.
It's only complex when you add a load of prejudices into the mix.

Jjuice · 17/11/2013 22:57

I have a few gay friends they come round as couples my kids love them. Age is irrelevant. Your friend is being weird. My parents had gay friends I never noticed the difference between straight friends. I think it helps you to grow up without prejudice