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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

whos being unreasonable ..gay friends

64 replies

nohopeland · 17/11/2013 22:38

I have 2 best friends, 1 with 2 boys and a male gay friend.
The male friend has a long term boyfriend who we have all become friends with and my own children know him as x boyfriend it has never been an issue.

Today I found outt when they go round our other friends house who has 2 sons they are not a couple and not known as a couple due to her thinking her son's are to young to be exposed to life issues like homosexuals.
AIBU to be a bit confused by this.

OP posts:
Original poster
nohopeland · 17/11/2013 22:58

My youngest son married a boy at playtime last week lol and my daughter who is 4 came home to tell me she was having a baby because her and her boyfriend held hands ... My kids r obviously v Catholic lol

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 17/11/2013 22:58

it is a fairly complex issue for young children to understand - DS who is 7 doesn't seem confused - "would you like a boyfriend or a girlfriend Mum?"

SkinnybitchWannabe · 17/11/2013 22:59

Sorry I dont remember saying I dont think its acceptable for them to know at their ages.
Its a subject that has never come up, just like my other db being straight has never come up.
They know plenty of gay people and as its my db business who knows. If he wanted them to know Id tell them. Wouldnt bother me at all.
Yes SPsDoesnt what Im trying to say.

noseymcposey · 17/11/2013 23:00

surely you just say it how it is from the start? Or it's obvious? DS's godmother is gay and I would just say that auntie X is auntie Y's girlfriend. Like Mummy and Daddy are but two ladies. Or whatever. DS is 2.5 at the moment so not relevant but I don't think it's something that is a secret that needs a big reveal when they are of a certain age!

borninastorm · 17/11/2013 23:00

My db is gay and lives with his longterm partner.

I've never had to tell any of my 3 kids that their uncles are in a gay relationship. They've just always known it and they're absolutely fine about it.

To them their Uncles are just a normal couple having a normal relationship.
They're also very tolerant children (well one's an adult now) who don't understand why anybody would discriminate against anybody else for their life choices, lifestyle, culture, race or anything else.

ocelot41 · 17/11/2013 23:01

My DS (who is 3) has already asked if he can marry his best (male) friend from nursery. I said if they still felt the same way about each other when they were older, of course they could. I am not taking that as a binding statement of intent at 3 but my point is, kids don't care, its adults who have the problem.

crispsanddips · 17/11/2013 23:02

I am also stunned that anyone would think it is a complex issue. Neither of those two words are fitting!

Also, I'm confused at what an age appropiate conversation is? Surely the explanation is just "bob loves gary like mum loves dad" or something along those lines. It doesnt matter what age the child is, surely the explanation is the same? I would be interested to hear what extra details are revealed as the children get older.

I think a lot of people automatically think of sex when they think of gay couples. They don't automatically think of the couple cooking each other dinner, watching a movie, booking a holiday, walking around the park etc. . .everything couples do that are gay or not!

SPsDoesntLikeChaffingFishnets · 17/11/2013 23:03

I did accidently let the toddler see Hollyoaks a couple of week ago so many questions were asked. I had to explain about how some people like boys and girls Grin

I dont go round explaining straight couples so I won't go round explaining gay couples.

He knows a lesbian couple and isn't phased. He hasn't asked questions about them but questions the TV

Caitlin17 · 17/11/2013 23:04

Good grief. My DS was born in 1990. I don't recall ever having a specific conversation but he always knew the lovely couple who ran our local corner shop were a couple and he knew our gay friends were couples.

There was no more need to explain anything than there was to explain about any other couple.

Original poster
nohopeland · 17/11/2013 23:05

By age appropriate I meant answering the questions he was asking lol he already knew they were a couple and he started questioning babies and other things as he got older. So I kept it simple and age appropriate

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 17/11/2013 23:05

Its not hard. I have young children, a gay sister and am religious.

I just say that my sister and her friend live together. My daughter (oldest, she is 10) asked if my sister would get married - I just said no, not to man but maybe to her (girl) friend. Have explained that most people love / get married to people of opposite sex but for some they love / get married to people of the same sex, and thats ok.

She asked if they would have children - I said they might, and luckily she didn't ask about the mechanics of this. But if she does ask (if / when) my sister has children, will explain about buying seeds from a man or something like that.

WhereIsMyHat · 17/11/2013 23:07

My 5 year old asked me if boys could marry boys last year and was

Original poster
nohopeland · 17/11/2013 23:07

I never told my children btw as in explaining about being gay, they had always been a couple in my house my eldest as he got older started d asking questions relating to same sex relationships .

OP posts:
crispsanddips · 17/11/2013 23:08

Foreverondiet- why do you use the term 'friend'? Why not 'girlfriend' or 'partner'?

Just curious :)

SPsDoesntLikeChaffingFishnets · 17/11/2013 23:09

My son also knows that he may marry buildings and objects or he so wishes after he was eaves dropping

exexpat · 17/11/2013 23:10

A few years ago the (male) deputy head of the primary school my children used to go to got hitched (in a civil partnership ceremony) to another male member of staff. It was announced in the school newsletter, with congratulations all round.

As far as I know none of the children (aged 4-11) were traumatised - mine were just, oh, OK then. I think DD may have asked if one of them was going to change name (her form teacher had got married a few months earlier and had changed name).

It's only an issue if the parent makes it an issue. If I were your gay friend, I wouldn't feel comfortable visiting someone who obviously has issues with gay people.

WhereIsMyHat · 17/11/2013 23:10

Gah,

pleased they could as he could marry one of his friends. I don't think it needs to be said, just like other posters have said 'oh Michael and his boyfriend/ husband' are coming around.

I did have to explain that my sons couldn't marry me when they're older trying to explain that one was fun.

WannabeFayeMouse · 17/11/2013 23:10

tbh I think most young children are surprised that the world expects M-F relationships. They have to be taught to be prejudiced.

StrawberryGashes · 17/11/2013 23:28

She's being ridiculous, my cousin and her wife just adopted a child and my children didn't ask any questions (I was expecting at least a couple), they just accepted that aunty x and aunty y are now parents and they have a new cousin. Not traumatised in the least, and my oldest is 7.

Greythorne · 17/11/2013 23:34

In what way is it complex?

Goldmandra · 17/11/2013 23:54

They have to be taught to be prejudiced.

Exactly. This is what the OP's friend is doing.

If it's just an unremarkable fact the children won't give it more than a moment's thought. They will them assimilate the information into their understanding of adult relationships and grow up fully accepting it.

Floralnomad · 18/11/2013 00:01

foreverondiet your dd is 10 and you would say about buying 'seeds from a man ' ,which century are you living in

BasilBabyEater · 18/11/2013 00:08

" tbh I think most young children are surprised that the world expects M-F relationships. They have to be taught to be prejudiced."

This. OP your friend sounds like an asshat

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 18/11/2013 00:10

My son came home from school about a year ago saying that so gay mum.

I explained gay meant 2 men or 2 women love each other like mummy and daddy does. I also told him you can't help who you fall in love with.

No need to make sexuality into a taboo subject to children.

Mitchell2 · 18/11/2013 00:34

Your friend doesn't sound like a very good friend to your friend and his partner. Like others have said, surprised that he puts up with that!

I mean if you put it the other was and the guys had a kid and they asked her to pretend she wasn't in a relationship with her man what an uproar there would be from her.

She needs to start living in the real world and I feel sorry for her poor kids