Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about my mum's behaviour?

31 replies

BabyMummy29 · 09/11/2013 16:44

My mum is constantly causing bother - she tittle-tattles to family members about others, then forgets what she has told to whom.

4 years ago, when I divorced she totally took XH's side - giving him thousands of pounds, taking him out for meals etc etc and giving me absolutely nothing.

This has continued so much so that I just about tolerate her presence.

She has now had an accident and expects me to be at her beck and call for hospital appointments etc even though I work full time and would need to take time off.

AIBU in thinking she has a bloody nerve?

OP posts:
TheCatThatSmiled · 09/11/2013 16:47

Suggest she get your ex to take her?

Dawndonnaagain · 09/11/2013 16:48

Why are you pandering to this nonsense? Would you do it if a friend had taken your XH out for meals and spent thousands on him?
For crying out loud, cut her out of your life.

Ursula8 · 09/11/2013 16:48

YANBU. Time your DM reaped what she has sown. Mine is just the same if that is any consolation. My XH beat me up and DM still sided with him. It's inconceivable to people who have normal loving mothers I'm sure.

Are you an only child? You mention other family members, let them take up the slack? Or maybe your ex husband should look after her seeing as it was him she gave thousands of pounds to?

I am NC with my mother for precisely these reasons and nothing would induce me to take up contact again.

Good luck OP.

Original poster
BabyMummy29 · 09/11/2013 16:50

XH just loves the "Oh isn't he good to her" nonsense when he is seen out with her in our small gossipy town.

Half of me wants to tell her to get stuffed but the other half doesn't want to lose my inheritance to XH.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 09/11/2013 16:52

There is no guarantee you will get any inheritance! I would assume that you would get nothing, nursing home fees, change in will, remarriage - anything could happen!

Original poster
BabyMummy29 · 09/11/2013 16:53

Thanks Ursula - good to know of people with similar problems. I also get fed up of people who say "But she is your mother". I feel like saying that in that case it's time she behaved like one.

I have one sister, who unbelievably still talks to XH and is so far up my mother's arse it's unbelievable.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyMummy29 · 09/11/2013 16:54

Random she claims she has done something so that her house won't be sold for nursing home fees. Sometimes I think "sod the inheritance" which may amount to nothing and just tell her to get lost.

OP posts:
GideonKipper · 09/11/2013 16:55

He'll probably get it anyway by the sounds of it!

Ursula8 · 09/11/2013 16:57

OP I would suggest you are far too busy to help out much. Let sister and XH do all the looking after. They are the people she prefers so I am sure that is what she would want.
"Sorry, I can't take time off work. Hope you get it sorted. Bye"

Shellywelly1973 · 09/11/2013 16:57

In my family its my dad who has the money...

I've already told him to stick it!
I will not behave like a puppet for his money. My two sisters & brother don't agree but that's fine.

The choice is yours.

ZillionChocolate · 09/11/2013 16:58

You need to be happy now, not miserable because you might possibly end up with some money at some point in the future.

RandomMess · 09/11/2013 17:02

To avoid nursing fees you can't own the house outright - perhaps the house is already shared between your mum and you and your siblings?

Lazysuzanne · 09/11/2013 17:06

I also get fed up of people who say "But she is your mother"

I hear you Baby!
my mother thought that I'd re-establish contact for the sake of my inheritance, it didnt, I am now written out of the will.
Afaik her estate is worth several hundred K...but I'm pretty sure she'd leave it to a dogs home in any case

Original poster
BabyMummy29 · 09/11/2013 17:08

Random she does own the house outright but we are in Scotland so the law may be different. It was left in her will to me and my sister but she has made XH executor, so I'm probably not in it any more!!

OP posts:
vtechjazz · 09/11/2013 17:14

How would you feel if you bent over backwards and then still got nowt? Pretty bitter I'd imagine, so why not at least earn your share of fuck all by living a good life now!

RandomMess · 09/11/2013 17:28

I'm pretty much NC with my parents and I'm not bothered at all if I'm no longer in their will!

emuloc · 09/11/2013 17:28

BabyNummy if your main interest is your mothers money maybe you should just stay away.

Original poster
BabyMummy29 · 10/11/2013 12:38

emuloc It's not just the money thing. but I'm faced with 2 choices - either put up with her nonsense or have nothing to do with her. In either case I will probably get left nothing as my sister and XH will do so much arse-licking.

The problem is that I live in a very small community and I will have the comments like "Oh aren't DD1 and XH so kind to her and DD2 never goes near her." Sadly that kind of mentality is alive and well up here.

OP posts:
Ursula8 · 10/11/2013 12:45

Your mother has you well trained OP.

How do you know what other people think? Is it conceivable that everyone is in her thrall? Don't you think some people actually see through her and can't understand why/how you tolerate her behaviour?

Life is too short to make decisions around what other people might think. Fuck 'Em!

Original poster
BabyMummy29 · 10/11/2013 16:41

In a place like this people make up their minds on the basis of what they see - they don't wait to find out the truth before they judge others.

I'm sure if I went around saying what she was really like, they would just think I was being nasty to a poor old woman.

However the people who matter know the truth and I'm now realising that it's their opinion that matters, not those of the small-minded inhabitants of the shithole I'm unlucky to live in.

OP posts:
Dawndonnaagain · 10/11/2013 17:27

Mother is still telling anyone who will listen that I will inherit.
Those who have seen the will say otherwise. Personally, I don't give a shiny shit, I'm well rid.

Original poster
BabyMummy29 · 10/11/2013 17:51

dawn I can't believe anything my mother and sister say. I have done a lot of thinking on this matter over the weekend and think I'm better off spending time with people I like and who like me rather than a nasty old 2-faced bag.

OP posts:
Corygal · 10/11/2013 18:01

Anyone who dangles inheritance over their DCs and GDCs tends to be bad news - it shows they haven't got anything else to offer in the way of a family relationship, and that, sadly, they are trying to manipulate you to their own ends - Jam Tomorrow.

OP I would ignore your mum - just tell her you would LOVE to drop everything but work is hard and you simply can't. There will be plenty more times like this for you to choose to take the other approach, believe me.

Tulip26 · 10/11/2013 18:09

Sounds like a right manipulative old cow. Cut her out of your life. Toxic parents, who'd have 'em?

josephinebruce · 10/11/2013 18:41

I do like threads like this as it makes me feel as if I'm not the only one with a "difficult" narcisistic martyred mother. Haven't even been able to tell her I've just had a major and very frightening health scare as I would have been dismissed as a drama queen and a hypochondriac because only she is allowed to have something wrong with her. And she takes evil fucking exH side as well even saying that she can understand why he hit me! The worse thing is that my own history is re-wriiten to suit her, she puts on such an act to the rest of the family (who are PITA anyway) and her friends - then when she is in a strop with me says that she will tell them (and all my friends and my wonderful in laws) what I'm really like!! FFS.

Sorry. Rant over.