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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that I shouldn't get a nasty surprise at Parents' Evening?

51 replies

ILoveAFullFridge · 07/11/2013 08:55

If a dc is having problems, should the first I hear of it - despite regular contact with the form teacher - be at Patents' Evening?

OP posts:

FunkyBoldRibena · 07/11/2013 08:57

Why - did you get a shock?

mrsjay · 07/11/2013 08:59

what did they say why was it a shock, we cant really comment much, I do think if your child is having serious issues at school then perhaps they should have contacted you.

havingastress · 07/11/2013 09:01

No. Parents' evening should never be a surprise.

Joysmum · 07/11/2013 09:01

I think you're dead right, issues should be raised as and when they arise.

Likewise, for appraisals at works or any other relationship issues. Things shouldn't be allowed to build.

NotYoMomma · 07/11/2013 09:02

I agree - its like at work isn't it.

if you had issues with work you would expect them to be flagged up and raised prior to yourannual performance review and allow time to address anythibg raised

imo

VoiceofRaisin · 07/11/2013 09:02

He, he, it could be worse. Once when my DD was little, in the END OF YEAR report for beginners' french, her teacher said "Mini Raisin has learned nothing this year, whether because of lack of talent or poor attitude I cannot tell". I thought that was more of a reflection on the teacher than on Mini Raisin but, more to the point, I wondered why this HADN'T been mentioned in parents' evenings along the way. I also had to chuckle as my DH is bilingual, and DD has grandparents who live in France so actually she spoke rather good french for an 8 year old but clearly the teacher had never got round to discovering this! :-o

YANBU

tiggytape · 07/11/2013 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HorryIsUpduffed · 07/11/2013 09:06

yanbu, of course. There shouldn't be any surprises at all, just more detail into what you already know.

Agree with pps that it's like at work re appraisals.

MadeOfStarDust · 07/11/2013 09:08

I found out that my dd's tutor thought she was someone else entirely.... that was a bit of a shock....

teacher123 · 07/11/2013 09:08

We are told at our school that nothing at parents evening should be a shock. I don't teach a core subject, but in my previous school where I taught GCSE and A level any issues were flagged up by email or phone call as soon as they arose. We also did half termly effort/attainment grades so children were constantly monitored.

mrsjay · 07/11/2013 09:11

I had that with dd1 at a parents night madeofstardust infact I got the physic report of a 14 yr old boy I was livid the teacher just read off his sheet saying dd had been behind and what not , I said but she got a 90% in HER last test ? he quickly shuffled papers

Meglet · 07/11/2013 09:13

Yanbu. Problems shouldn't be allowed to fester just because it's not parents evening yet.

I speak to the DC's teachers briefly every week just to check they don't have any concerns. It's a constant 2-way relationship, they're not of bounds until parents evening.

Crowler · 07/11/2013 09:13

I think that depends on how much contact you keep with the teacher?

Sure you could argue that they should have told you at the first sign of an issue, but they could argue it's still early on in the term.

CocktailQueen · 07/11/2013 09:15

No, there should be no nasty stocks re your child's progress or behaviour at parents evening. They should be brought up as and when they arise.

CocktailQueen · 07/11/2013 09:16

stocks - shocks!!

Flossyfloof · 07/11/2013 09:17

OMG Meglet - all of your child's teachers every week? I bet they love you.

Lambsie · 07/11/2013 09:21

No it shouldn't be a suprise. I got one despite my son having a statement (which the teacher clearly had no idea of the contents of) a home school book and contact with a TA morning and afternoon. They still have a habit of dropping things on us but I know what they are like now and am ready for it.

MulberryHag · 07/11/2013 09:23

Flossy I thought exactly the same thing!

Meglet · 07/11/2013 09:23

That also reminds me that in senior school my french teacher didn't know who I was, she preferred the queen bee's and loud kids. Mum and Dad cane home furious with her. It was one of the few times in my life I had seen my mum rant about anything!

Meglet · 07/11/2013 09:27

flossy they have an open door policy at the end of every day so parents can go into the classroom and speak to the teachers. We have a lot of problems at home and I'm struggling so I make sure I catch up with their teachers every week. It's only a couple of minutes, I'm not going through their work books or anything!

Meglet · 07/11/2013 09:29

They're at infant school, so it's only 2 teachers. I know I'll have zero control at senior age.

mrsjay · 07/11/2013 09:30

meglet tbh dd1 was a bit invisible at high school she was like a shadow sometimes they didnt really know who she was and would only go by work her personality didnt start to come through till she was about 16
her sister not so much they ALL know who she is ,

mrsjay · 07/11/2013 09:31

I think an open door policy is a fab idea why not it is a 2 way street imo and if you are having a quick catch up with a teacher then they can avoid problems like the op has ,

DeWe · 07/11/2013 09:34

It depends surely on what the surprise is and when it has occurred. If it has been building gradually or happened in the last week, then personally I'd rather be told at parents' evening than be called in for an extra (and probably inconvenient) chat.

I otoh gave dd1's teacher a shock in year 6 when he started by asking how we felt she was doing, and I went straight into a bullying situation. It was mostly occuring during changing for games for the girls. Him being a male teacher was not there at that point. But it rendered him temporarily speechless (from a very chatting and lively teacher too!) partually because who else was involved.
Once I hd said it, he then linked up "silly comments" and realised there was a lot more going on-the girl involved was very careful not to do anything in front of him. He got on top of it very quickly then.

I could have gone in sooner, but it was a situation that built up gradually over 2 terms, from a couple of snide comments a week. The problem with that was it wasn't clear when the line needed to be drawn. Dd1 had only admitted it bothered her (rather than mentioning the comments in passing) the previous week.
Dd1 also didn't want me going in, so it was much easier to deal with it at parents' evening than request I saw him at another time.

noblegiraffe · 07/11/2013 09:56

Primary or secondary? If it's secondary and you've just had parents evening, then YABU. Kids have only been back at school for a few weeks, so settling in, problem arises, teacher tries to solve, problem continues, contact parents - in this case a parents evening is coming up, so discuss then. Assuming that it's a problem like being a bit of a pain in class, not doing homework or something like that. If it's major, like being in a fight, then you should have heard at the time.

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