To think that I shouldn't get a nasty surprise at Parents' Evening?

[ILoveAFullFridge]

If a dc is having problems, should the first I hear of it - despite regular contact with the form teacher - be at Patents' Evening?

Primary, behavioural, apparently continuous all this term. No invitation to come in for a longer chat, we were told to make an appt with the SENCO.

I volunteer in the year group every week, and talk to the teacher at pick up from time to time. Much less often than in previous years, because she is very unapproachable.

I have never seen any problems with my dc's behaviour when I am volunteering, though I recognise what she describes as stuff that sometimes happens at home.

Wow, she dropped a bomb on you. I would be very unhappy.

fridge .. YANBU at all. There should never be a 'big reveal' in parent meetings. In the same way I would seriously question any manager who chooses appraisals as the time to focus on an previously unmentioned problem.

The teacher sounds like DS1's last year. Really difficult to talk to. This year has been so much better and I feel like I can approach her at any time.

Are you waiting to see the senco then? I hope it gets sorted for you.

The last time I heard of this in rl it was because the teacher later confessed she found the mother "intimidating". It was her first term at a new school and she just lacked experience. By the sound of it that's not applicable in this case, I would voice my concern she left it until Parents' Evening to drop the bombshell.

How do I go about 'voicing my concern'? Do I talk to the teacher or go over her to the Head? I'm also v upset that after dropping the bombshell she then dumped it in our laps to talk to th SENCO, rather than seeing herself as in any way involved with a solution.

If the teacher is that unapproachable, I'd go over her to the Head. Or at least to a Deputy Head.

I had issues with DS's teacher last year, not because she wasn't approachable, but more because of how DS was being treated by the other kids (well, one in particular who then egged on the others).

The annoying thing was that the other parents saw her as unapproachable, and too strict - in my view, she was strict, but not consistent.

It wasn't really resolved to my satisfaction, but the Head did get involved, and tried to support. DS is in Y6 now, and although he still gets the odd prod from this kid, he's not as distressed as he was last year - much better teacher.

how upsetting

I would not be best pleased either, they fuckingknowits a bombshell,and if they dont they should.

I think given she seems to have dropped it, I would write to the head and gently voice concern. whats the school like in general???

I would DEFINITELY write to the head to say that you're not happy about not being informed sooner than this. That teacher should have asked to see you earlier than this!

I'd make an appointment with the head. This has not been handled well at all. Jot a few points down you need to discuss in case you go off course or forget. Don't go alone. When mine were small sometimes talking about concerns at school brought out the emotional side in me because it can be a bit well, upsetting if you feel worried or protective. Having dp/dh there too is supportive.

It may seem strange, but I have never heard any criticism of this school (unlike the other schools my family are or have been involved with). It has an excellent reputation. I have heard a few little niggles from individuals about individual teachers, but never anything as unpleasant as this.

Is the SENCO the appropriate person even? Has it been established (or suspected) that your DS has SN?

What has the class teacher done to try and resolve the behavioural issues her/himself first?

Good question!

DS1 was at a school with an "excellent reputation" (in quotation marks because that phrase was in their booklet type thing at the time), in YR.

They were absolutely shocking with any kind of SNs though! As I found out to my cost, with DS1, who lasted just one term before going elsewhere.

If your DS does have SN (which I've heard no actual evidence of yet BTW), the sad truth is that you may find your own experience of a school to be very different to that of the parents of a quiet, compliant, NT child. Some schools just aren't that good with SNs.

Sorry, that was about sarcastic.

No SN identified. Perhaps a bit more spirited (challenging?) than average. Was not even on her list.

As for what she has done - I haven't a clue. She seemed totally disengaged and uninterested.

If I were you, I think I'd have a word with the class teacher when next possible and ask that question. i.e. why does he/she think that your child's problems are more than a bit of bad behaviour?

Ok not a very pleasant surprise OP and she shouldn't be palming you off to the SENCO, she should be involving the SENCO.

Contact the school and request a meeting with both SENCO and CT, otherwise it's pointless. The CT is the lead carer in the school environment for your child, and she has the most experience of your ds and any issues he may have. The SENCO is not in the classroom with your ds, so a meeting of this kind will have all and every issue out in the open. Now your ds has been flagged as possibly having some issues, the SENCO is there to support your ds but also to support his CT to better support him. Ultimately it's the CT that will be managing him and so she must be involved in all discussions, otherwise you'll have agreements/targets/strategies agreed with the Senco but no guarantee that the CT is aware of them or agreed to implement them.

Once you've got this set up, then you need to be have regular meetings with the CT to establish if things are improving.

With regards to the communication of this news, it was fairly cold and not very empathetic, as news such as this can be very upsetting. Whilst I accept that teachers are there to teach our children primarily and tell it how it is, we are human and a little bit more of a caring approach would have been good, especially as you are both going to need a strong working relationship for the sake of your ds.

I got a massive surprise at parents night last night. Turns out my dc are pleasant, well behaved and hard-working!!

Put something in writing to the Head, I think. The teacher has had ample opportunity to raise this with you in writing if not face to face before taking it up a notch with enlisting SENCO's help.

Weeglemum that's the best sort of surprise to get. I have had that surprise at some point with all of my dc, too. Including this one!

frizzcat. I was somewhat gobsmacked that the CT expected us to have a meeting with the SENCO withou her. And that was what happened: the CT was not involved at all in the meeting.

I would put to one side the way it was brought up, and deal with the issue. If the teacher is recommending SENCO involvement, it is pretty serious, she can't say that to half the class.

I am not saying you are wrong at all. This was not brought up in a good way. However some teachers are really not good with parents, and some teachers are not good teachers full stop. I would prioritise getting some help for your son, before complaining too much. Once this is in place, perhaps a quick email to the Head would be good.

I have a child with some mild SEN, on the SEN register and it actually took ME mostly to get them to see he needed some extra help and that any behavioural issues were more to do with him struggling to learn/ feeling anxious and stressed, than him being simply 'badly behaved'. He is now in Juniors and the issues seem to be becoming more apparent. It's not a bad thing for the teacher to recommend the SENCO.

Any meetings I have had with the SENCO have not involved class teachers either (they have usually been during school time). I have always assumed the SENCO was co-ordinating things between the teacher and myself.

It's whatever you feel you need OP. Merry way is working well for her. My first meetings were with the CT and Senco, which I found helpful especially for any agreed action. I tended to have my meetings at the end of the school day.

What would you like to happen OP? I agree with the poster up thread who said that perhaps try not to concentrate on the way the news was delivered and focus on what was delivered. As things move on and you find your feet will be to let the school know how communications should be dealt with. My ds has SEN so each year I go and introduce myself to his new CT and let her know that they can contact me at any time with questions or any advice regarding my ds. It works well as the CT's know they can approach me without an awkward upsets or defensiveness on my part ..... I save the upset for when I get home.

I would like theCT to be engaged in the process and see herself as part of the solution, not send me away to deal with it.

And I'd quite like her to tell me how my dc is getting on academically, rather than spend out 10m

Frizz, that's true about saving the upset for when you get home! I think teachers are so different, aren't they. Now ds1 is on his 4th teacher and she is the most communicative of the lot. His Y2 teacher never spoke to me. She was fab with kids, very kind and sensitive, but insecure around adults, and I think a bit out of her depth with the SEN. This year's teacher is a tough one, which makes it easier to communicate with her and she's certainly not backwards in pointing out ds's problems, but she's also quite tough on the kids and a bit negative! They're both good teachers in different ways.