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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wibu to text colleague?

27 replies

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 31/10/2013 19:24

I am very close to one of my colleagues, we have worked together for years and would socialise quite alot. Today in work she got into trouble (perhaps quite serious) for something that was done accidentally. She was quite upset about it and knowing her, she is sitting at home right now, probably crying over it. I myself havr been in trouble a number of times for mistakes and know how horrible it is.

I want to send her a text and see if she is ok, but to be honest I am worried she will bring up what happened, and discussing work things outside is prohibited. I know she wouldnt tell them but if it got out somehow then I would be in trouble too.

I feel so awful she is my friend and obviously I want to console her. Its so hard being friends with colleagues sometimes :(

Should I just send the text anyway?

OP posts:
Mrsostrich · 31/10/2013 19:27

I would. If she talks about it then its her discussing work not you. Wink

SwedishEdith · 31/10/2013 19:30

I'm sure a 'Hope you're ok' text would be fine.

I'm intrigued at what your job is that talking about it outside of work with colleagues is prohibited

Quoteunquote · 31/10/2013 19:32

Just say, thinking of you and hope you are OK.

quietbatperson · 31/10/2013 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PansOnFire · 31/10/2013 19:44

YANBU - send her a text, if you can't talk about work outside work then she won't have anyone at all she can tell she's upset. Start off with "I know we can't talk about work..." and hopefully she'll keep the details to a minimum. It's always nice to know you have friends at work.

YesterdayI · 31/10/2013 19:49

You can text, just say that you know you can't discuss what happened but you wanted to say hi and check she was ok.

LondonNicki · 02/11/2013 20:01

Or you could call her, them there wouldn't be any record of texts that you would be worried about?....

Coldlightofday · 02/11/2013 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harticus · 02/11/2013 20:04

What job can't you talk about?
Are you international spies? Grin

Send her a text or better still give her a call.

harticus · 02/11/2013 20:05

Beat me to it cold !

ImperialBlether · 02/11/2013 20:56

I wouldn't have anything in writing, if your company is so strict.

Phone her up, let her talk, don't say anything she can quote, but just let her get it out of her system.

FredFredGeorge · 02/11/2013 21:13

I thought spies generally do encourage discussion these days, as long as it's between colleagues or other cleared people specifically because they know bottling it up and not being able to talk to anyone tends to result in much worse things! So I doubt it's a spy - I'm thinking it's an IT firm who knows its employees have a tendancy to bore the pants off everyone!

but yes, phone her / text her - whatever's appropriate!

HeywoodMonkey · 02/11/2013 21:14

I agree with the others. A text asking if she is ok and that you are thinking of her is not breaking any rules. Unless of course she spies for a different country than you. If so I would maintain radio silence.

HeywoodMonkey · 02/11/2013 21:15

Ooh you could use spy code.
The rain falls heavy in Stutgart in November.....
Translates to 'alright chuck?'

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 21:19

Hahaha! You lot are bonkers Grin these spy stories are so amusing I almost dont want to tell you about my boring real job.

Sorry to burst your bubble but I work with small children.

OP posts:
YesterdayI · 02/11/2013 21:33

Small children you say Hmm

Slutbucket · 02/11/2013 21:48

It is probably prohibited that you talk about children outside of work because of data protection. I'm sorry but they can't stop you from ringing a friend outside work hours unless the person has been suspended.

Slutbucket · 02/11/2013 21:49

Love the spy child!

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 21:52

Yesterday i am laughing my bum off at that adorable super cool pic Grin

Think smaller. Like this perhaps

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/11/2013 21:56

ALso you can just text "Hope you are okay, thinking of you x" so not asking her to discuss, you are not discussing but you have told her that you care IYSWIM.

YesterdayI · 02/11/2013 21:56

Grin Grin Grin

bittapitta · 02/11/2013 22:04

Sorry - I agree with not putting anything in writing! Could be used against you by employer. Call her at a reasonable hour tomorrow.

Vivacia · 02/11/2013 22:07

"I know we can't discuss work, but just wanted to say I hope you're ok"?

AlexaChelsea · 02/11/2013 22:13

Talking about something cannot be prohibited. That's ridiculous.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 22:27

alexa you would think so wouldnt you? I know she wouldnt tell but I dont want to take a chance. One time something happened that was a problem. That evening I gave staff member a quick call to see if she was ok. She sent a message straight after to our manager who then pulled me about it the next day. All I was doing was trying to help her.
So you can why I am cautious with these types of things.

OP posts: