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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what my MIL was up to

76 replies

RunningKatie · 29/10/2013 14:24

I had a sickness bug last week, couldn't move out of bed/off the sofa for 2 days.

PIL very kindly came up and looked after the DC's one day for me. They took them out (and took 11 month old DS for a macdonalds) and brought them back midafternoon.

They were then playing upstairs in Dd's room, and i could hear MIL going through her chest of drawers and talking to FIL.

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky? They love going factory shop shopping and are forever buying the DC's things they don't need or that really aren't my taste. We have told them that we have all we need and it doesn't stop them Sad

She said nothing to me so i have no idea what she was up to. I am well aware dd's clothes need a sort out as she's had a growth spurt but there was also a stack of stuff to go away as i'd been to busy puking to iron.

It's still annoying me 5 days on.

OP posts:
doorbellringer · 29/10/2013 14:29

Casually drop into next conversation you were looking for dd's favourite cardigan/jumper but can't find it. You heard her going through her drawers, possibly looking for something, did she see it? Then wait for her to bluster/explain.

fluffyraggies · 29/10/2013 14:32

Maybe she was having a look to see if there was anything DD might need for xmas if they enjoy buying clothes, rather than guessing at it as they have done in the past when they've got it wrong. Spur of the moment while they happened to be in there.

I'd be a bit prickly too OP, about someone going through drawers, so i can see how you feel. But it was probably well meant.

Beccagain · 29/10/2013 14:33

Let me get this straight: they gave you precious recuperation time; they played upstairs with your DD and helped tidy her clothes drawer possibly seeing what they might usefully buy for her, and 5 days later you are still annoyed????

And just a thought: does it matter if the clothes/things they choose are not to your taste? Does your DD like them? Do your PiLs like them? Does it matter that you don't like them? (Okay, I get that space might be an issue, but surely that's what charity shops are [partly] for.

I have to say, you don't sound like the easiest DiL in the world.

Beccagain · 29/10/2013 14:35

Then wait for her to bluster/explain.

Or...just as likely...give a perfectly rational and guilt-free explanation.

What IS it with you people: are you not happy unless there is a PiL-led conspiracy theory in your life

Rotterwallah · 29/10/2013 14:37

May be she likes looking a teeny weeny clothes?

They are cute

Beccagain · 29/10/2013 14:37

See Fluffyraggies that kind of calm, logical and fair-minded reasoning just is not part of the MN orthodoxy!

squoosh · 29/10/2013 14:38

There could be lots of reason, none of them sinister.

Looking to see what your DD needs clotheswise for Christmas
Looking for something your DD mentioned
Using the chest of drawers as part of their game

Rosencrantz · 29/10/2013 14:40

I think you're over thinking this. My gran has always had a compulsion to fold things, MIL won't have been up to anything sinister.

Mim78 · 29/10/2013 14:43

It wouldn't bother me, but then I would also be happy to ask MIL if she was looking for something in particular while she was up there.

Original poster
RunningKatie · 29/10/2013 14:44

But that's my point Becca, her drawers are a tip because most of the winter stuff was in the ironing pile. I hate the thought of them wasting their money on what she doesn't need when if they'd just ask i could give them some ideas.

I did (and do) appreciate the help that they have me which is why i've said nothing.

I'm more paranoid that they think i'm a slovenly mother for having her clothes in heaps whilst i figure out what fits. Sad

And both dc's do wear the clothes that they buy even if it's not my taste. I was just upset a few weeks ago when i'd picked out a new winter coat for dd but hadn't bought it and they turned up out of the blue with coats for both of the dc's. Just occasionally i'd like to pick what to dress my kids in.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 29/10/2013 14:44

becca - yeah i am crap as a poster on AIBU Grin

My posts are the literary equivalent of tumble weed sometimes!

Finola1step · 29/10/2013 14:45

Blimey. Her own grandparents tidying her clothes and maybe looking to see what they could buy for her. The cheek of it. While looking after her because you are ill. Wink

fluffyraggies · 29/10/2013 14:52

OP would you feel able to tell them if you've seen something nice in the shops? In a kind of - ''if you're going to buy anything for the DCs anytime soon X, Y or Z in so and so shop is lovely''. Cheeky, i know, but it would go down ok with my PILs.

The coat thing particularly is tricky because kids usually only have one big coat per year - it will be really obvious if you now go and buy the coat you liked for the DCs. With other clothes throughout the year i think it's best to just smile and be gracious with their gifts. Let the kids get a bit of wear out of the clothes when they see the GPs.

oscarwilde · 29/10/2013 14:53

Why not simply send them a thank you note or call to say thanks for bailing you out, mention that you were sorry about the state of the house and that you were in the middle of sorting through all the DC's clothes to see what needs replacing/mending/outgrown etc. when you fell ill. It's also worth mentioning that you have larger clothes stored for them to grow into
If they love going shopping or had any fixed ideas about Christmas ion the basis of a rummage, they will jump on that as an opportunity to ask you about Christmas. Just be sure to have an actual idea, specifically as to what they might need or what would be a luxury/unnecessary item. Just because they are kids doesn't mean that they can't have two coats by the way? Buy what you like especially if it's nicer/more practical It's always handy to have a second coat for wash days.

DivingBell · 29/10/2013 14:54

Agree wholeheartedly with Becca.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/10/2013 14:55

I said that before on another thread but it bears repeating. I find it is best to not give a shit what people think about my housekeeping. Think of it as a feminist position.

Crowler · 29/10/2013 14:55

The fact that they like to buy her stuff that you don't like and that they were taking a look through her drawers would probably unleash my inner control freak.

Beeyump · 29/10/2013 14:56

(and took 11 month old DS for a macdonalds)

Just wondering why you included that in your op?

Beeyump · 29/10/2013 14:57

I'm sure they won't think that you are a slovenly mother, by the way!

ShatnersEmptyCatacomb · 29/10/2013 15:03

The explanation is likely to be innocent (was your child trying to open them and have a nosy, so ILs did it for him?). They were doing you a lovely favour, so don't let something as daft as opening drawers overshadow that.

ShatnersEmptyCatacomb · 29/10/2013 15:05

May God strike them down for taking an 11m old to McDonalds though.

Beccagain · 29/10/2013 15:05

I find it is best to not give a shit what people think about my housekeeping.Think of it as a feminist position

This is the best advice I have heard in many a moon!

Rotterwallah · 29/10/2013 15:06

May be she likes looking a teeny weeny clothes?

They are cute

everlong · 29/10/2013 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
RunningKatie · 29/10/2013 15:10

beeyump - just because i said he'd never been, Sainsbury's is next door and the dc's happily share a jacket potato so could they please not take them to McD's.

I just don't understand why they'd chose to go there in the early days before pester power kicks in, particularly if asked not to.

OP posts:
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