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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what my MIL was up to

76 replies

RunningKatie · 29/10/2013 14:24

I had a sickness bug last week, couldn't move out of bed/off the sofa for 2 days.

PIL very kindly came up and looked after the DC's one day for me. They took them out (and took 11 month old DS for a macdonalds) and brought them back midafternoon.

They were then playing upstairs in Dd's room, and i could hear MIL going through her chest of drawers and talking to FIL.

AIBU to think this is a bit cheeky? They love going factory shop shopping and are forever buying the DC's things they don't need or that really aren't my taste. We have told them that we have all we need and it doesn't stop them Sad

She said nothing to me so i have no idea what she was up to. I am well aware dd's clothes need a sort out as she's had a growth spurt but there was also a stack of stuff to go away as i'd been to busy puking to iron.

It's still annoying me 5 days on.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 29/10/2013 15:13

Don't go looking for an issue. So what if she was looking through your dd drawers? Really so what? They seem kind to you and the kids so why would you think of her doing something funny? For you to be stewing over it for 5 days after they have helped you out I wonder what type of dil you are to them.

everlong · 29/10/2013 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbiRoad · 29/10/2013 15:19

My mum also likes to buy my DDs clothes and has very different taste from me. It is fine now as DC are older and tell her what they like. When they were younger, the fact my mum bought them stuff did not stop me buying stuff, and I would only use the clothes she bought that I didn't like when i saw her or when we were just milling around in the house. But, my mum lives a long way away, so did not see her that often so easier to disguise the fact we did not use her clothes much(and to be fair she did get some ok stuff).
I would not mind if she thought me slovenly though. I know I am not, I just prioritise differnet things. I work full time and I take the view that something has to give, and sometimes it is sorting out clothes or other household tasks.

Petitgrain · 29/10/2013 15:34

Sorry what's the problem?

TiredDog · 29/10/2013 15:37

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 29-Oct-13 14:55:22
I said that before on another thread but it bears repeating. I find it is best to not give a shit what people think about my housekeeping. Think of it as a feminist position.

Fabulous

I may get this printed to a sign to go above my front door
FWIW I hate anyone noseying through my house regardless if they as helping me or not. Boundaries

brass · 29/10/2013 15:39

could you be over thinking this?

Boardingblues · 29/10/2013 15:40

Untidy drawers! Are there any other kind? Let it go!

Mim78 · 29/10/2013 15:42

*I find it is best to not give a shit what people think about my housekeeping.Think of it as a feminist position

I agree with this too!

I also agree that your in-laws were being kind and almost certainly not up to anything sinister!

pudcat · 29/10/2013 15:53

Heaven help us mils. We can't do right for doing wrong. I am so wicked. I have taken my granddaughters to McDonalds, I have bought them coats when weather turned wet when we were out, I have unloaded drier and folded washing when baby sitting, I have unloaded dishwasher and put pots away, I make and send extra food like cake, cheese straws etc. So are you saying all this time I have been an interfering, nosy old witch.

thegreylady · 29/10/2013 16:02

I'm with you pudcat-in spades!

Original poster
RunningKatie · 29/10/2013 16:04

pudcat you sound fabulous, we would all love cake and cheese straws. I have never said mil was a nosy interfering old witch, she might have been.nosing etc. but i do realise she absolutely has the dc's best interests at heart and is certainly not an old witch.

I just wish she'd gone through ds's drawers. They are beautifully sorted, arranged and a tidy persons vision of beauty and order.

OP posts:
Beccagain · 29/10/2013 16:07

I'm with you pudcat-in spades!

And me Pudcat, but alas, I fear you may be onto something! If however you were your grandchildren's mother's mother instead of MiL then all of these things would be absolutely fine and proof of what a perfect DGM you are!

Beccagain · 29/10/2013 16:09

I have never said mil was a nosy interfering old witch

True, Katie but you were remarkably quick to assume some ulterior motive which, on your own say-so, still has you fretting nearly a week later.

are you my DDiL?

Original poster
RunningKatie · 29/10/2013 16:14

I don't think so becca but if i am, thank you again for last week Grin

Maybe i need dil lessons?! i try not to ask them for any help even when dh is working away and i know they are desperate to help more but i don't want to take advantage when they are retired and should be enjoying themselves birdwatching.

OP posts:
Beccagain · 29/10/2013 16:15

I don't think so becca but if i am, thank you again for last week

I LOVE this!!

anniroc · 29/10/2013 16:17

They sound a bit like my ILs - helpful and pretty harmless. I think MIL was just tidying. My Mil does this every waking moment all the time which I find a bit odd as my mum doesn't, but you just have to go with it. I would also accept that they like buying stuff for their grandchildren - if you don't like it, it goes to charity shop. Simple!

pianodoodle · 29/10/2013 16:20

As someone with properly annoying in-laws, I'd be delighted with yours they sound great! Grin

havingastress · 29/10/2013 16:27

I don't think anyone (mil's included) have the right to go through drawers in a house that is not theirs. Totally rude imo.

I'd be more bothered though by the mcdonalds for the 11 month old!

zipzap · 29/10/2013 17:20

With something big like coats, what would happen if you had said to them 'that's ever so kind of you but I've already bought the dc their winter coats. I wouldn't want them to be wasted - any chance you could take them back so you could get your money back?'.

If they ask to see the ones that you chose then you can just say that you've ordered them online and you're waiting for them to turn up. After all if you've already seen the ones you want that's as good as them being ordered Grin.

If they say that you can take yours back, come up with a reason they can't argue with - yours have reflective safety stipes and theirs don't, you want them in different colours, etc. Or - for dd at least - say that her new coat reminded you of your favourite/dream coat when you were little which is why you bought it as you love it so much. And whilst their coats are nice but not naice enough you don't have the same emotional attachment to theirs...

And then see how they take it - they might be absolutely fine and not mind, take it as a gentle reminder to talk to you before defaulting to just buying stuff they like regardless of what you have, like or need.

They might say fine, keep it as a second coat.

They might get the hump and be upset but so long as you've said it nicely to them then that's their hump - they don't have any justification to be upset.

Droflove · 30/10/2013 07:26

I'm still shocked that they gave an 11 month old mcDonalds....gross.

Notmyidea · 30/10/2013 07:48

I'd feel unhappy with someone going through draws, although I'd sincerely appreciate the baby sitting.

If we go to the pile for the weekend I ask what we can bring, (foodwise or indoor kid craft etc) that would be helpful, because I respect that it's something, as host, she is overseeing, yes I do wish mil would extend the same consideration to me when helpfully buying clothing for dc. Yanbu to be a bit irritated, just not worth starting a fall-out over.

Notmyidea · 30/10/2013 07:51

Pile?! That was pils, bloody autocorrect!

Retroformica · 30/10/2013 07:59

Op overreaction

Retroformica · 30/10/2013 07:59

Agree the 11 month McDonald's is crap though

Inertia · 30/10/2013 08:00

Why can't children have more than one coat?