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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that Csa could contact ex without NI number?

39 replies

nippysweetie82 · 28/10/2013 17:16

CSA have just told me that they are unable to take on my case as I can't remember my ex partners year of birth or national insurance number. I have given them his name, address, home phone number and work details. Should that not be enough?

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 28/10/2013 17:18

No it isn't.
It's the same as a benefit claim. Without a date of birth or a NI number it is impossible to find you on government IT.

justmyview · 28/10/2013 17:22

Can understand why they have to be careful they're dealing with the right person, but you can't be alone in this. I would have thought they would have ways and means of tracing him

MaidOfStars · 28/10/2013 17:29

A quick Google on CAB/government websites suggests that his NI number shouldn't be crucial.

How far off are you on his year of birth? Do you have his month/day? Impossible to calculate?

fifi669 · 28/10/2013 17:29

There is no way my ex would have given me his NI number. Luckily one of his old payslips was in with mine :) we were together for years so I knew his DOB too. How do they manage to claim off fathers that were only in a brief relationship? It's not as if you make them fill out a questionnaire before you start dating?

cantpolishaturd · 28/10/2013 17:32

I didn't know these details with my daughters dad...they look the case on no problems

Original poster
nippysweetie82 · 28/10/2013 17:43

I know the day and month but I just can't remember the year. He was either 10 years older than me or 8 years. I have memory problems and it's taken long enough for everything else to come back to me.
I sent him a letter but he ignored it so there's no chance he will pay anything without csa.
I had hoped he would want contact as he's an only child and adopted. I thought that family might have been important to him but obviously not.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 28/10/2013 17:45

Can you stalk him on FB? Google him?

MaidOfStars · 28/10/2013 18:02

Ok, how old are you? Ten years older means almost certainly born in a different decade. More likely to have had a significant birthday? Of course, depends where in your age category you fall....

Original poster
nippysweetie82 · 28/10/2013 18:05

I found him on facebook but he declined my friend request which means any messages I send to him would go to his other folder.
I suddenly remembered his home phone number after it came back to me in a dream! I phoned it today but his mum answered and I hung up. She met me once and told him I wasn't good enough for him and that if he dates to have a baby with me she would disown him.
Maybe I should just leave it but if he's not decent enough to want contact I feel that he should at least contribute financially.

OP posts:
jacks365 · 28/10/2013 18:05

Give them the year that you think is most likely correct then if it comes back no good give them the other one. Good luck with it. Csa did mine with just date of birth and address.

Original poster
nippysweetie82 · 28/10/2013 18:08

I'm 31 and was born in Jan 82. I have a feeling that he was 26 when I was 18. I could be mistaken though, after 12 years I just suddenly remembered the Mc at the beginning of his surname!

OP posts:
Original poster
nippysweetie82 · 28/10/2013 18:14

I told them August 74/75. I am now thinking it could have been 73.
They told me to get back to them if I find out. I can hardly contact him and ask him for it!

OP posts:
jacks365 · 28/10/2013 18:15

Nippy just assume that is correct and give it as fact to the csa if they say they can't match things up say you made a mistake. I was lucky that I was at school with my ex so dofb was easy for me.

TheDoctrineOfAnyFucker · 28/10/2013 18:18

Any mutual friends from the time who would know?

KatieScarlett2833 · 28/10/2013 18:20

Friends reunited?

SparklyFucker · 28/10/2013 18:29

Your local library will probably have an Ancestry subscription available for use for free to members. You can search the UK BMD indexes up to 2005. Shouldn't take you more than 5-10 mins to pin down the year if you already know the month and a rough time span, especially if you know what county he was born in. PM me for more details if you need.

Original poster
nippysweetie82 · 28/10/2013 18:50

Thanks Sparkly but he was adopted as a baby so I think that will make things more difficult.
It seems so stupid that he lives a few miles away and I can't just sort this out face to face.

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 28/10/2013 18:54

Aug 73 means the big 4-0 a couple of months ago. Any FB photos supporting this?

But agree with above - tell CSA one year and then amend it if they can't track him.

starsandunicorns · 28/10/2013 19:04

Goggle his name and town you might get a hit through 192 if he is on the electrol roll he might come they sometimes put ages in there ie 35-40 etc have a play about with your name too as he would listed with you and you could see the dates when he was with you and his age would be diff and try to work out that way hope I habent confused you too much its free too

theywillgrowup · 28/10/2013 19:07

i never knew my exs national insurance

just his name and address not even the year of birth

this was 3 yrs ago,not that he ever payed them regularly and now says he's unemployed

Original poster
nippysweetie82 · 28/10/2013 20:45

I'm going to phone csa in the morning and give them 1974 as a date. I think they will be awkward and tell me they need the national insurance number too.
They have said that his work would not give out information about employees, I'm not sure if that's true. He works for the council.
I can look at his facebook timeline and there's birthday msgs posted on there but no mention of the big 4-0 so i'm guessing he's 39.
I feel quite guilty about chasing him for money but I'm angry that he seems to be ignoring me.

OP posts:
greenfolder · 28/10/2013 21:29

I can understand them needing a dob or ni number so they can check against other info to make sure they have the correct person.

But I can't believe they need the ni number. All you have to say is "we never had joint finances"

Original poster
nippysweetie82 · 29/10/2013 18:19

Just a quick update. The ex is no longer the decent guy I thought he was! He phoned today and said he wants nothing to do with our daughter and that he can't help the way he feels. He wants me to keep it quiet as he's no intention of telling his family.
He said he accepts that he's her dad but will not be paying me anything and will refuse a DNA test.
He said that even if he had known that he was her bio dad 12 years ago it probably would have made no difference.
I gave the date of birth to csa so I just have to wait now. I could send his mum some nice photos of her only grandchild but maybe that would just be shit stirring.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/10/2013 18:25

If he refuses to do a DNA test they will assume paternity!

Original poster
nippysweetie82 · 29/10/2013 18:52

I have to admit this is mostly my fault. We split up and I ended up in bed with a make friend a couple of Weeks later. My ex then wanted us to make a go of things but I had just found out I was pregnant. I calculated the dates and was totally convinced it was the other guy and not my ex.
My ex came to visit when she was a baby and he thought she looked like him. We should have done the test then but I was convinced that she couldn't be. As she got older her looks changed. That's why I asked the other guy for the test.
I could understand better if he was saying he wants no contact because it's too late but to say that he would have walked away even if there had been no one else involved? He wanted a baby at the time.

OP posts: