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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that he doesn't like me posting on MN?

35 replies

Modestandatinybitsexy · 27/10/2013 19:55

He doesn't like me sharing private information in a public forum. I find it weird that he finds it weird.

I sometimes need to unload issues where people will judge me with no preconceptions and it wont impact on my life other than the information I take away from the discussions.

I don't have many friends I can discuss big life stuff with and I feel family would get too involved.

I now feel weird about posting but I don't want to feel censored. I don't feel I've revealed too much. Which of us is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

fanjofarrow · 27/10/2013 19:56

Tell him to get a grip!

hiddenhome · 27/10/2013 19:58

You don't tell him what you're talking about. Dh asks me what we're all chatting about here, I just tell him it's all ironing, babies, gardening and makeup

CreatureRetorts · 27/10/2013 19:58

He is.

SeaSickSal · 27/10/2013 20:00

You shouldn't have told him.

I can understand both your point of views and it wouldn't have bothered him if he hadn't known.

LouiseAderyn · 27/10/2013 20:03

Funny you should post this in the light of that JM piece of shite in the Mail!

Presuming that you are not revealing his name or phone number, what you discuss on here is your business.

bearleftmonkeyright · 27/10/2013 20:10

Mumsnet has the same rules as fight club. . I don't talk about it to dp either. I don't expect him to understand. He doesn't do any internet social networking.

tolittletoolate · 27/10/2013 20:16

My dh managed somehow to find my user name once and found a thread on here that I started really complaining about him!
If that wasn't so bad all the replies were along the lines of ltb and what an awful man he is and a terrible father.
I was mortified that he had seen it and we had a massive argument about it and I ended up saying I wouldn't come on here again.
I still do but when he sees me in here he gets a bit pissed off.
I've changed my name now so he can't find me anyway ha!

valiumredhead · 27/10/2013 20:25

I wouldn't want Dh sharing stuff on line either,I am very careful about what I post.

BabyMummy29 · 27/10/2013 20:26

I had a similar problem with exDH on another site. I was just chatting to other people and so on, but this site was open to public view, although only member could post,

I think anyone who objects to their DP using something like MN just goes to show they are insecure.

Well that was my experience anyway/

LouiseAderyn · 27/10/2013 20:30

I have actually shown my dh a thread I started (under a name change)about him. I wanted him to see the complete unvarnished truth of what I was going through at the time. He didn't like it but he had it coming.

I would never allow him to control what site I use or what I say here. more to the point, he wouldn't want to because although he is not a huge fan of this place, it has been a force for good, for me. I am better off and wiser for having had MN to ask help from.

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2013 20:30

Who is he? Is he your DH or your BF?

And the personal info you've shared, is it just yours or his too?

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 27/10/2013 20:30

DH knows i uses MN, i never log off he is welcome to have a look at what i post at any time.

I once posted about Him. He saw it and I owe the people who took the time to reply my relationship.

I don't see why MN has to be a secret.

there is nothing here I wouldn't say in RL.

MacaYoniandCheese · 27/10/2013 20:31

Def. LTB. That's a deal breaker.

SigmundFraude · 27/10/2013 20:31

I would be seriously pissed off if DH was discussing any issues we have on a public forum. This is why I wouldn't post anything that I would be unhappy for him to see, and keep discussions private with RL friends and family. Plus they know me, know him, and the advice is more measured.

slothlike · 27/10/2013 20:31

I think he is BU, unless you are posting personal information about him in a way that might reveal who he is to those who know him offline.

BabyMummy29 · 27/10/2013 20:32

I found the chat site I was on was a great help when going through my break-up. Somehow it was much easier to discuss things with strangers as I couldn't talk to family members without being judged.

TheGhostsAndGhoulsOfHitchhikin · 27/10/2013 20:35

I am always logged on mn.
If my HE ever looked then so be it.

flowery · 27/10/2013 20:39

Well it rather depends what private information you are sharing, and whether it's anything to do with him, and also how identifiable you are.

Most people who think they are posting here anonymously are not nearly as unidentifiable as they think, unless they name change very regularly.

BillyBanter · 27/10/2013 20:41

I think a lot of people are still wary and baffled by online forum and networking sites if they don't use them themselves. I remember before facebook none of my friends could get their head round my internet shenanigans. 'They're not real people!' 'Sure? I've been on holiday with some of them!'

And if they don't quite understand forums then they will be possibly more wary of sharing personal stuff than they would be in other circs. Also plenty of men people don't like the idea of their partner talking about personal relationship stuff and don't like to themselves for purely privacy reasons.

That said you should be free to talk about your stuff if you like unless you are posting MY HUSBAND, JEFF BASSETT OF 3A POTTERTON ROAD, LEEDS HAS A SMALL PENIS or similar.

quoteunquote · 27/10/2013 20:43

Mine read stuff on here all the time,

tell him to join, and try it out.

DameDeepRedBetty · 27/10/2013 20:50

what are you going to do Billy if it turns out there's a Jeff Bassett who lives in Potterton Road in Leeds?

DP knows I spend a lot of time here, we talk about some of the stuff I do here - usually funny AIBUs - but not other stuff, he's as uninterested in Relationship advice, as I am with epic fantasy novels. He's currently nose down in a RR Jordan, the last of a series of 14, apparently constructed from the great man's notes after his death. Vital to DP, politely baffling to me.

If I needed to talk about him, I'd probably take to logging off properly, and name-change. However, since my only major gripe with him ATM is his utter inability to work the dishwasher, I'm not bothering right now.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/10/2013 20:52

Would he be more or less happy if you were havng in-depth relationship discussions with close friends? More traditional but far less anonymous.

Ultimately, I think people who don't talk to their partners and address issues that are bothering them are in doomed relationships but, talking to other people can help provide perspective and clarify what the issue really is, so whether it does need to be discussed.

People who try to prevent their partners from talking to anyone but themselves about anything that matters are a root cause of doomed relationships, without exception.

If their partner doesn't want to talk to anyone else about things that reallymatter, that's an entirely different thing - and certainly something for him to aspire towards, by being an excellent listener, empathetic, non-judgmental, insightful and wise.

BillyBanter · 27/10/2013 20:53

Ask to see it and apologise profusely and demonstrably if I'm wrong!

Original poster

Modestandatinybitsexy · 27/10/2013 21:16

He is just generally a private person, he once heard the end of a girly conversation with my best friend and he wasn't particularly pleased about that either. He's not the type to discuss sexual preferences with his mates in the pub and feels that since he doesn't I then shouldn't talk about anything involving him. Trouble os everything in my life pretty much involves him. We've pretty much grown up together and we talk about everything, that's why I don't want to hide anything I'm doing on here.

I wrote a post after trying to discuss an issue with him. With him i get limited feedback and I felt I needed to talk it out. I've been plagued with the baby fever and decided to turn to people who might understand, I got loads of helpful answers and it really helped me gain some perspective. I was feeling pretty positive so I let him read the thread. I had a pretty obvious username, anyone close to me would have been able to guess. I feel it was beneficial to show him because it opened up further discussions. He feels i should gave been able to talk to him without this. Whenever I mention the problem if the limited feedback ge clams up again. We're going round in circles and I'm so frustrated! I just don't think he understands how girls work!

OP posts:

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 27/10/2013 21:18

Surely it depends what you're posting.
Would he mind if you posted
'My dh has a really big cock'
For instance?

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