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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away when my baby is so young

100 replies

SoggyBottoms · 25/10/2013 20:52

Am on mat leave with DD1, who is now 15 weeks old. I'm not planning on going back to work for a while yet, but I've been asked to take part in a special, one-off project in about six weeks time. It's very high profile and would be really good for my career. But I'd have to spend a week abroad and away from my baby girl - it wouldn't be an option to take her as it's in a developing country. She would be about five months by then, I'm no longer Breastfeeding, and she'd be at home with my husband and a nanny who is a family friend who I'd hire to look after her when necessary (DH is freelance and can be around a lot). My DH is happy for me to go.

I can't decide what to do. Would I be unreasonable to go? Obviously I'd really miss her and that would be tough, but would it be unfair on her or damage her in any way?

OP posts:
ColderThanAWitchsTitty · 25/10/2013 20:54

I couldn't do it. But your dh is there so can't see the problem if you think you will be comfortable doing it

OHforDUCKScake · 25/10/2013 20:55

Totally not unreasonable!

If you feel ok about it, then its more than ok to do!

MrsWolowitz · 25/10/2013 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddlediddledumpling · 25/10/2013 20:57

It won't damage her in any way. It might be hard for you, but a week's not that long.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 25/10/2013 20:57

No it wouldn't be unfair or damage her in any way.

Would you think that if your DH went away for a week? Of course not.

Your lucky DD will have a mum with a great career who takes opportunities and adventures when they arise and a dad who will take care of her for that short time.

KatAndKit · 25/10/2013 20:59

I wouldn't want to do it myself and i would worry terribly the whole time even if baby was with dad who is perfectly capable. But if it really is a one off chance that will make a big difference to your career when you go back to work, then you should consider doing it. It is only a week and probably easier at that age than a year old as separation anxiety hasn't set in yet.
if your husband needed to go away for a week in sure you wouldn't be thinking he was damaging his child.

justaweeone · 25/10/2013 20:59

I would

paperdress · 25/10/2013 21:00

Its not so much that yabu, just that i couldnt do it, no way. And your concerns are valid.

merrymouse · 25/10/2013 21:04

I think your baby will be fine. However, this won't be the last career defining opportunity that conflicts with parenting. I'd be inclined to give it a bit longer before stepping back on the treadmill. (Unless you really, want to go for yourself, in which case, go. A man in this situation wouldn't think twice).

BarbarianMum · 25/10/2013 21:04

She may be a bit unsettled but I can't see how it would damage her tbh. When ds1 was a similar age I contracted salmonella and was in hospital/bed for about 5 days during which time I saw virtually nothing of him. I was distraught, he was - fine.

WaitMonkey · 25/10/2013 21:05

I couldn't/wouldn't. But each to there own. She will be well looked after and won't come to any harm.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/10/2013 21:09

I know you say taking her isn't an option. Is that disease fear, danger or vaccinations etc? Because there are ways around some of that. You can get vacation nannies. Otherwise, she will have one parent there most of the time. She'll be fine. You, maybe not.

RubyrooUK · 25/10/2013 21:09

I have worked full time since DS2 was 6mo (and DS1 was 9mo) so I'm all for career advancement. But I find it hard leaving the kids overnight - and I am still breastfeeding DS2 - so I tend to take them with me on trips.

If you feel ok about it, it probably is ok. Personally I know that although I can go to work all day, I couldn't do a week away at the moment (even though DH has to and he adores them) without dreading it. So I wouldn't be ok. It really is so dependent on how you yourself feel - your baby will be fine either way with their father.

Which developing country is it? Could your DH and baby really not go along?

sunnybobs · 25/10/2013 21:09

Go she'll be absolutely fine! Your DH can love & adore her just as much for a week & you'll be back before you know it. You'll obviously miss her madly but she'll be fine & loved & you'll be helping her ultimate future by going.

Doingakatereddy · 25/10/2013 21:09

Go! Plenty of women are back at work well before 5 months.

Be sure to draw a line that its just a week, companies have a habit of drawing you in once you agree to kit days

looseleaf · 25/10/2013 21:11

I think your DH being there makes a big difference. I always err on the side of never leaving ours but if DH is there or my mum I know 100% they're ok so feel comfortable even if they miss me they're so loved and ok

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 25/10/2013 21:13

I would have thought having DH and DD there would be a distraction and an expense you don't need. I would go.

redandyellowbits · 25/10/2013 21:16

I would go in a flash. She won't remember it at all a week after are back.

girlynut · 25/10/2013 21:17

Oh for goodness sake! Some of us went back to work when our babies were 12 weeks. It'll be fine! X

HoleyGhost · 25/10/2013 21:18

I would

hettienne · 25/10/2013 21:18

Won't do the baby any harm but might be tough on you.

elportodelgato · 25/10/2013 21:23

DH and I went away on a much needed break for 6 nights when my DC2 was 6mo and my DC1 was 3yrs. I missed them both terribly but they were FINE, it was FINE. If you want to do it and it will be good for your career then do it as DON'T feel guilty about it. Fathers do it all the time and your LO will be well looked after at home.

mumofweeboys · 25/10/2013 21:24

I have a 5 month old currently. I would go if it was going to be very good for my career and my dh was doing most of the childcare. From my perspectives it does both baby and daddy's to have some alone time.

TheFuckersonInquiry · 25/10/2013 21:25

I would go without a second thought.

You will really miss her but you are leaving her with her Dad! Think how nice it will be for their relationship.

It would be a bit insulting to your DH if you didn't go because you didn't think he was capable of looking after your DD

defineme · 25/10/2013 21:26

baby will be fine, you will find it hard.