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Original poster

Help! DD aged 8 is asking about father christmas

70 replies

Canthaveitall · 11/10/2013 20:14

I am on here for traffic.

DD aged 8 has just landed the 'is father christmas real' question on me. A boy at school told her he is not. She is sobbing and has asked me for a straight answer. Just putting DS to bed - what do I say? The truth or some twist to make the magic last. Feel very Sad she no longer believes. Yes I know that's a bit silly.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/10/2013 20:15

Have you tried the "what do you think?" approach.

No real advice as DS is too young to question it yet thankfully. I can understand you being sad though, it seems worse when someone else takes that bit of innocence away :(

Balloonist · 11/10/2013 20:16

www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/appropiate-age-to-talk-about-tooth-fairy-tale-and-other-myths

I read this yesterday which may help you decide. I never realised how uncomfortable I'd feel about "lying" but mine are only small so don't have this dilemma yet.

YoMamma · 11/10/2013 20:16

Yes it is sad but it would also be less than ideal if she still believed when she was 15 and got teased about it at school. The day has to come eventually and it's better to tell the truth now IMO.

Original poster
Canthaveitall · 11/10/2013 20:18

Thank you. I tried the 'what do you think' and she said 'just tell me'. I have been dreading this. I guess 8 is about right. Oh pants.

OP posts:
ukatlast · 11/10/2013 20:24

Definitely tell the truth now she has asked.

Original poster
Canthaveitall · 11/10/2013 20:26

Thanks for the link. I am going to talk through the story of St Nicholas and talk about the legend continuing.

OP posts:
cherrytomato40 · 11/10/2013 20:28

I think if you do tell her you could make her feel all grown up by asking her to keep the secret for DS (assume he is younger?) so that christmas will still be special?

lizzzyyliveson · 11/10/2013 20:29

I think you should go for 'you have to decide for yourself' and then outline a few other mysteries eg the Yeti, Ufos etc. Say no-one knows for sure but there is evidence on both sides. The work-out is good for her thinking skills. Usually children are about 10 when they 'get it' because they lose their magical thinking at that age.

toobreathless · 11/10/2013 20:30

'Father Christmas is real if you believe in him'

Louise1956 · 11/10/2013 20:37

tell her the truth, at eight she is more than old enough to know the facts. The whole Father Christmas racket is ridiculous anyway - I always resented that old humbug getting the credit for bringing presents that my husband had paid for and I had slogged around the shops searching for. I was very glad when my sons stopped believing in the old fraud.

SaucyJack · 11/10/2013 20:41

She has asked you to tell her the truth, so that is what you should do.

Father Christmas is a cute bit of fun for toddlers, but trying to insist to an older child that he exists when it's perfectly clear that he doesn't is a bit weird and OTT if you're asking me.

melodyangel · 11/10/2013 20:50

As SaucyJack said if she has asked for the truth I think you should tell her but what I have always said to my children is that whether they believe or not the presents will still be there.

My Ds1 played along for years as I think he thought I didn't know Confused

clr2014 · 11/10/2013 20:55

Have you seen this?

BeaverAbroad · 11/10/2013 20:55

Same, melody - I still remember 6yo DD1 coming over very solemnly, turning off the TV and telling me, in a sympathetic voice, that Father Christmas wasn't real. She even gave me a hug at the end and asked if I was upset! She was quite surprised when she found out I'd known all along, and I was quite surprised that since the age of 4, she'd played along for it all (some kids told her in the playground- not what I would have wanted, strangely enough she believed in the tooth fairy after all that).

She asked a direct question and I think you should tell her the truth. I think most kids stop believing then or a bit before, so it was going to happen eventually, it's just a shame it happened the way it did.

bababababoom · 11/10/2013 21:00

Diefinitely tell the truth now ishie's asked you directly. If it helps, I was 8 when a boy in my class told me, and I asked my mum... she told the truth, and I wasn't traumatised at all, felt very grown up being in on the secret and keeping it going for my little sister.

We've always told our childiren the truth about Father Christmas - the real story of St Nicholas and that Father Christmas is a game we play based on him...however, they don't believe me and insist he is real!

Donkeyok · 11/10/2013 21:02

cir2014 that is cool Im going to have to copy that. Flowers

flyingspaghettimonster · 11/10/2013 21:04

Tell her Father Christmas is like God. You can choose to have faith because it is a nice idea and makes you happy. if she wants more info tell her nobody can disprove Father Christmas. Or say adults are sworn to secrecy so you can't comment, she has to choose what to think for herself.

MajesticWhine · 11/10/2013 21:07

I told my DC the truth once they actually asked outright like that. I think mainly because that's what I would have wanted when I was that age. Would not have wanted to be the last kid in school to know the truth.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 11/10/2013 21:08

Don't keep it going for too long.

DH told me that when he was starting secondary school PIL had to sit him down and tell him Father Christmas wasn't real as they didn't want him to be bullied!

elfycat · 11/10/2013 21:22

Whatever approach you use can you try to turn it into a game afterwards so there isn't a before/after belief thing but it's all good.

About this age I knew it was my parents and family that bought gifts. We would make a big song&dance about leaving "Father Christmas" used double speech marks as it's to be said with your fingers held up doing the old fashioned silly signs a mince pie and some sherry. DF would be standing looking theatrically sad sighing that FC would rather have a beer and a pork pie.

'Nooooo DAD, Father Christmas Reeeeeeaaallllllyyyyy likes mince pies and sherry'

It became the new silly routine for us, and even now in my 40's I'll do this if we are spending Xmas with my parents.

thegreylady · 11/10/2013 21:27

I am away from home and need this on TIO so I can save the Cozi letter.

Sukebind · 11/10/2013 21:30

The whole idea that actually it's a form of lying to your children does freak me out. I know people who have chosen not to let their children believe in Father Christmas etc. at all because they don't want to lie to their children. I have never seen the harm in it really and it's lovely to see their imagination working on FC and fairies and so on. (Although I am a little surprised that when we give toys to charities at Christmas for presentless children they don't ask why FC won't be bringing them anything.) But now my elder DD is 6 and fervently believes in fairies. She still wants to be one when she grows up and writes them letters (I have to reply). I think she's going to need counselling forever to get over the trauma of the truth. Blush

CocacolaMum · 11/10/2013 21:31

My ds said to me when he was 10 that some christmas ruining scrotes children had said that father christmas wasnt real

I said that I had no proof of anything but he had believed in the magic of christmas for 10 years and so far he had received presents every single year.. that was all I said.

He decided that he didnt want to rock the boat.

He is 12 now and clearly does know whats what but has promised to not be the person who bursts that bubble for dd. He understands that really father christmas is about the feeling of wanting to be nice and make others happy than an actual person.

Serialdrinker · 11/10/2013 21:33

I had to be told starting high school, I was gutted. Christmas isn't the same without Father Christmas, keep the story going!!! Tell her that parents whose kids don't believe have to buy the presents but he still brings presents to kids that do believe.

People are miserable buggers over Father Christmas and get very sanctimonious over not lying to their kids.

If you think you can get one more Christmas with her believing then do it!!! If she won't buy it then I suppose you'll have to go down the letting her into the secret route but for goodness sake please tell her not to ruin it for other kids who do still believe!

(Still wishes he was real)

CocacolaMum · 11/10/2013 21:35

can I just say though that I have 2 kids, am responsible (ok ok I am a control freak) for the wrapping of all bar my presents etc, go to bed usually at around 2am xmas morning after leaving it all til the last minute and STILL wake up before my kids wondering whether "he" has been.