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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is my gf being unreasonable expecting me to do this?

58 replies

captincaveman · 05/10/2013 15:33

I have recently started a run of work which involves me working a 14 hour day, 7 days a week. It is a physicaly demanding, job and with the commute on top it is leaving me drained at the end of the day. My gf is a stay at home mum to two young children. Who r in school all day. But she has now decided, that the house needs redecorating. In time for christmas . I dont feel it needs doing, and just dont have the time. It is causing a rift between us. An i being unreasonable to ask her to. Wait. She refuses to tackle it her, her self. I do appreciate she cooks and cleans and sorts the kids out . We cant afford to get any one to do it. How can i make her see my point of view .

OP posts:
maddymoo25 · 05/10/2013 15:36

I think she is being unreasonable if the house does not need doing or should help at least with the decorating

Beastofburden · 05/10/2013 15:37

She has six hours a day, five days a week when the kids are in school. Even allowing for the school run, she has shedloads of time to run the house. Most of us do all that stuff when we get in from work. There is no reason why she can't do the redecorating. Why does the man have to do it?

Tell her to get herself down to B&Q .

Shreksfiona · 05/10/2013 15:37

I really think that with the 14 hour days you will be doing, the last thing you will want to do when you get home is pick up a paint brush, tell her she is being unreasonable.

YANBU

NotAnotherPackedLunch · 05/10/2013 15:37

Welcome to MN captincaveman

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/10/2013 15:37

Either work out when you can afford to get someone else to do it or schedule it for after your current run of work stops. i.e. present a few solutions rather than hashing the problem... If she still doesn't get it, she's BU....

BrokenSunglasses · 05/10/2013 15:39

YANBU. If she has time to do it then she can get on with it herself, and if you don't have the time for it then you simply don't have the time. What's she expecting you to do, magic more hours in the day out of nowhere?

If the house really does need decorating then I can understand it being frustrating for her if she's in all day, but only if its a real mess.

Just tell her she's going to have to suck it up and wait, or pull her finger out and do it herself. Even if she needs help to do certain things, she can still have everything ready and prepared for when you do have time.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/10/2013 15:44

14 hour days, 7 days a week? How long will this run of work last? Because frankly, you won't last too long doing those kind of hours.

As for the redecorating for Christmas - what's behind that? Is she planning on inviting people she doesn't normally invite, and wants to impress? Most people have a reason for wanting things changed, what's hers?

ouryve · 05/10/2013 15:45

Is there any reason why she can't do the lion's share of the redecoration herself? She's being highly unfair expecting you to do that work at this point in time. Do you think her real dissatisfaction is with the state of the house, or is she projecting unhappiness onto something she sees as fixable. Even with the kids at school all day, it's probably lonely for her doing mornings and evenings with the kids, with you gone all day.

Beastofburden · 05/10/2013 15:51

Going back to what the OP can do to make her see his POV.

She wants it done for Xmas, presumably as you have family visiting. Can you spend Xmas with them instead?

And show her this thread. < waves at GF- sorry GF but you are BVVVVU>

clam · 05/10/2013 15:58

Just when, exactly, is she expecting you to do this?
And why can she not do it herself? I do all the decorating in our house, and what I can't do (stairwells, for instance) we get someone in for. But I wouldn't dream of tackling any sort of decorating during term-time, when I'm run off my feet. We have a blitz in the summer holidays.

Bogeyface · 05/10/2013 16:01

I do all the decorating here too. Its not hard, doesnt take that long and if you break it down into small jobs is a lot easier than many people think. Start with stripping any wall paper, then rubbing down paintwork, then painting, then papering. Its not hard!

Expecting you to do that on 14 hour days with no day off? very unreasonable.

RevelsRoulette · 05/10/2013 16:05

Just because you don't have the time to do it (which I agree you don't) doesn't mean it wouldn't benefit from a lick of paint.

Why can't she do it herself? If she can't do everything she can do some bits. Anyone can strip wallpaper, gloss skirting boards and slap paint on a wall!

Then that leaves less for you to do and it may mean that it would be affordable to get someone in to do those bits that are left.

How long will you be doing this 14 hr, 7 day a week thing? could you not agree to revisit the idea after this has ended?

BillyBanter · 05/10/2013 16:08

Do a little chart blocking out all the time you are out at work for the next x number of weeks and blocking out when she is unavailable and show her that.

Your employer IBU. Is your employer you? Hmm

jamdonut · 05/10/2013 16:09

I've got to be honest...I leave decorating to my husband because I really am absolutely rubbish at it!...which is why our house is in desperate need of doing,partly because he is too worn out after work to do it, and partly because we don't have the money to do what we want.

My mother-in-law can't understand why I don't do it myself, because she used to do all the decorating when she was younger,because FIL was always away from home (long-distance ,wide load driver).

I don't have an answer, I'm afraid. She seems to be expecting a lot. Would she mind giving it a go, or have you given her the impression that it is your domain. Perhaps (like me) she thinks that she would just make a mess of it, and doesn't want to look incompetent?

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat · 05/10/2013 16:10

She's being very unreasonable.

She should either decorate herself, or wait until it's realistic for you to do it.

If she has family visiting, stay at theirs instead.
If it's because it's messy, I'd just suck it up, nothing wrong with a little bit of fading colours.
I can't imagine it being so bad she needs to kick up a big fuss about this.

BillyBanter · 05/10/2013 16:11

Practice makes perfect, Jam!

Not that it's made me perfect I'm terribly lazy slapdash DIYer.

TheCrackFox · 05/10/2013 16:13

DH works insane hours so I have done most if the decorating (I only work 28hrs pw). I think she is being unfair on you to ask you to do it. When would you even have the time?

PeppiNephrine · 05/10/2013 16:15

Tell the lazy cow to do it herself. What is she doing with her days anyway?

poppingin1 · 05/10/2013 16:17

She is very U and comes across as quite selfish.

You should show her this thread.

poppingin1 · 05/10/2013 16:19

Is she like this all the time?

Namechangesforthehardstuff · 05/10/2013 16:20

Gosh isn't OP quiet?

LessMissAbs · 05/10/2013 16:21

Is your girlfriend a perfect princess, waited on hand and foot by footmen and getting things done by clicking her fingers? If not, YANBU. BTW your employer is breaching the Working Tine Regulations

cathpip · 05/10/2013 16:22

I have two toddlers and am a sahm, I have managed to decorate the house. your gf is being unreasonable and quite frankly lazy!

sarahtigh · 05/10/2013 16:24

if I was working 14 hour days ( even if included commute) when I got home all I would manage is eating and sleeping that leaves 10 hours spare
working that long would require 7-8 hours sleep minimum add 20 mins for shower shave etc 20 mins for breakfast and possibly making lunch 1 hour for evening meal and a tiny relax and it leaves about 30 minutes unaccounted for per day to maybe read story to children open mail talk to GF

spanky2 · 05/10/2013 16:24

I have 2 dcs at school full time. I run the house , garden and organise the children , bake cakes and cook meals from scratch. I also do all the decorating , present shopping and homework with dcs. My dh works long hours and I support him by doing everything else . She ought to appreciate how hard working you are and get stuck in!

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