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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is my gf being unreasonable expecting me to do this?

58 replies

captincaveman · 05/10/2013 15:33

I have recently started a run of work which involves me working a 14 hour day, 7 days a week. It is a physicaly demanding, job and with the commute on top it is leaving me drained at the end of the day. My gf is a stay at home mum to two young children. Who r in school all day. But she has now decided, that the house needs redecorating. In time for christmas . I dont feel it needs doing, and just dont have the time. It is causing a rift between us. An i being unreasonable to ask her to. Wait. She refuses to tackle it her, her self. I do appreciate she cooks and cleans and sorts the kids out . We cant afford to get any one to do it. How can i make her see my point of view .

OP posts:

CoffeeTea103 · 05/10/2013 16:45

My DH works similar hours but 5 days a week. During the week I don't expect him to do anything because I can see how physically, mentally exhausted he is. Your gf is incredibly selfish and unreasonable!! Either she waits till you have time, or go ahead with knowing that she should expect very little from you.

urtwistingmymelonman · 05/10/2013 16:51

she is bu in my point of view.
I have just decorated the lounge and hallway.
I am 32 weeks pregnant and my oh works 10 hours a day and has weekends off.
and I also have a son and work 4 days a week.
don't see why she cant give it a go at least.

Namechangesforthehardstuff · 05/10/2013 18:48

Really, really quiet.

DameDeepRedBetty · 05/10/2013 18:54

Namechange to be fair OP has said he's already doing these hideous long hours!

Namechangesforthehardstuff · 05/10/2013 18:56

Yeah. That's probably why he hasn't been back. Probably.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 05/10/2013 18:57

Decorating is hard.

I tried doing the kitchen myself and DH has warned me never touch the decorating again. I had runs in the walls and it went every where it looked terrible . It took me a long time to get the kitchen straight and DH sorted my cowboy job out.

She is BU to expect you to do as your working hours are very long.

eurochick · 05/10/2013 19:00

Your girlfriend is being very unreasonable. I have worked similar hours over the past month and there is no way I could have lifted a paintbrush afterwards!

If she wants it done, she can do it herself! You don't need a penis to decorate.

Bowlersarm · 05/10/2013 19:00

YANBU.

Tell her it's unrealistic. Maybe after Christmas, if things have slowed down for you at work?

MrsWolowitz · 05/10/2013 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

londonmum14 · 05/10/2013 19:12

Something doesn't ring true about OP's post

quesadilla · 05/10/2013 19:29

She is BVVU. I wouldn't "expect" my DH to do decorating even though he doesn't (usually) work weekends...

Bogeyface · 05/10/2013 19:33

Is this a reverse AIBU by any chance?

quoteunquote · 05/10/2013 19:37

Lovely idea, totally unrealistic.

I'm desperate to re decorate, despite running a construction firm, having all the necessary skills, tools and free materials, it is impossible because neither of us have any time, and the time we do have we choose to spend on the children, I could get our decorators in, but the upheaval would be ridiculous.

Suggest she tackles a small room on her own during the day, and do one small space at a time, but adding another demand to the limited time you are at home will just causes problems.

Maybe the next time you have a break from full on work, you could plan to do a space, set a plan, so at least she has some sort of realistic future solution to look forward to.

and get a few quotes, you may be surprised, especially if she does all the prep, stripping, sanding, filling. There may be some middle ground, if she does the prep (about 60% of the work)

Everyone gets fed up of their space if they spend to much time in it, sounds like she needs a break.

Oh we both work really long hours, that never excuses either of us mucking in when we get home, if you lived alone, you would still have to cook, clean and all the other household tasks, so make sure she isn't compensating too much for your long hours, that never works long term.

Original poster

captincaveman · 05/10/2013 22:39

Thank u for the responses. I tried to bring it up with her but she just got up set with me. It has been a long day so i dnt want to argue. I agree with her that at the very least the bathroom is in need of doing. So im going to suggest i do this and hope that keeps the peace.

OP posts:

pictish · 05/10/2013 22:41

Fourteen hour days, seven days a week?

Original poster

captincaveman · 05/10/2013 22:56

Yes 12 hours working and two hours a day commuting. Its only for the next 6 to 8 weeks so im sure when i know what work will be like after that. we can discuss, it again thank u all again.

OP posts:

Toadinthehole · 06/10/2013 02:15

OP, considering the hours you're working, don't you have enough money to pay a decorator? We recently had our bathroom done. DW costed the job and worked out that it would only cost us 20% more to get somone in (apparently tradespeople purchase the paint at about 50% of the retail cost). He did a much better job than either of us would have done, and very quick too.

Custardo · 06/10/2013 02:19

to be fair toadinthehole - you don't know his finances - he could hae a shit load of debt - or not - we don't know

i think your gf should do it herself if shes that bothered.

WiddleAndPuke · 06/10/2013 02:43

Do you really have to ask?? Tell her to get stuffed!

LouiseAderyn · 06/10/2013 18:48

while I agree that you dont physically have the time to do this now, I also think it is unfair to commit yourself to these sort of working hours unless your partner has agreed because it leaves her entirely responsible for everything at home. Unless she willingly signed up for that, it isnt right that you are effectively unavailable for any kind of family life.

You need for the mad hours to have an end date and you need to agree a time with your gf when you will be available to help her decorate. It is hard doing it by yourself if it is not naturally where your skills lie. She might well need help from you.

clam · 06/10/2013 19:40

Do we know yet why she can't do it herself?
And you say she "got upset" when you brought it up? How old is she, 5?

parakeet · 06/10/2013 19:58

What does she say when you say: "You're the one who wants it doing - why can't you do it?"

Personally I have tried wallpapering myself and gave up as found it very hard, but really, anyone can paint.

thehorridestmumintheworld · 06/10/2013 20:20

gf is bu. Op you need to learn some assertiveness skills. Some ppl will get their own way by getting upset. If you feel she is being unreasonable you don't have to do what she wants just to stop her getting upset or angry. Just pleasantly but firmly say no and stick to it.

OTheHugeManatee · 06/10/2013 21:50

YANBU at all. And her kicking off when you demur is just manipulative. Grow a pair and explain the situation - it's not reasonable to expect you to start decorating on top of a 12-hour working day with a 2-hour commute on top. Tell her to get off her arse and do it herself if it's really bothering her - otherwise she can wait till you have more time.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/10/2013 21:57

goodness. no. you will not make a good job of it when you are so tired, nor in artificial light.

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