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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 5 days to reply to a txt message is really shitty?

51 replies

Iloverusks · 03/10/2013 18:32

Especially when it just continues from the message I sent like the reply was immediately after, no explaination for the delay, it really pisses me off!

This friend in particular is my ex BFF (had a fallout very long story) and our contact is very sparse now. We'll have a mini text Convo where one of us will 'loosely' suggest meeting up and she will always take DAYS to reply. A few times I have text her saying "Erm hello!" and I'd get the rubbish "sorry I've been really busy" reply.

AIBU to just take the hint and cut contact?

OP posts:

Doinmummy · 03/10/2013 18:36

I guilty of this I'm afraid. Some people text constantly and reply immediately, some don't . Don't take it to heart.

I must admit I'd be pissed off if someone text me "erm hello"

How much does this friendship mean to you? If your not that bothered just let it slide

Original poster

Iloverusks · 03/10/2013 18:42

I guess I take it to heart because of the friendship we used to have. I have anxiety and I'll think I've said something to offend and re-read and re-read to look for the reasons.

If I hadn't replied after a couple days I would ALWAYS apologise for the delay first.

OP posts:

HildaOgden · 03/10/2013 18:46

Don't text,phone.

At least then you will be able to judge the actual mood ,and whether she is glad to hear from you or is fobbing you off.It's also easier to keep friendships alive when you're actually talking to the person,I think.

Doinmummy · 03/10/2013 18:48

I agree Hilda in a phone call you can gauge the persons tone and tell if they are happy to hear from you. I also think it's quicker to talk on the phone, you can cover all the things you want to say in half the time it takes to text.

Hassled · 03/10/2013 18:50

Yes, some of us are crap at responding to texts - even from people we like it can feel like a bit of chore, so you put it off and then forget. Ring her. And if you're sure that all the effort is coming from you and none from her, it's time to call it quits and move on.

jacks365 · 03/10/2013 18:51

I'm afraid that I'm guilty of this and it's deliberate. It's a guy I have no interest in and I have told him that so I leave it in the hope he takes the hint. If you are the one who instigates all communication then just stop and let it go.

JessePinkmansBitch · 03/10/2013 18:51

My sister is like this. Most of the time she doesn't even reply. Yet when I don't immediately text her back, she sends me "I need an answer" texts, and gets in a mood.

impatienttobemummy · 03/10/2013 18:52

I do this and it means nothing bad! I just bloody forget! If a text comes through and I can reply I do immediately otherwise I forget. I agree if you really want to see someone phone and arrange. Text is rubbish for making arrangements and a bit of a cop out. I see texting as 'box ticking' contact

specialsubject · 03/10/2013 18:53

text is not a method of conversation - and they can actually take days to arrive.

a text is not urgent, just a cheaper way of communicating.

if you want a conversation, use voice.

Doinmummy · 03/10/2013 18:57

I must admit that I get irritated that I am expected to be at someone's beck and call re texting . If I can answer straight away I will, if it's not convenient for me then I won't .

HaroldLloyd · 03/10/2013 18:58

I do this, I either respond straight away or it goes out of my mind and i respond days later.

viperslast · 03/10/2013 19:05

I do this, it means nothing other than I am extremely stretched for time and sometimes forget! Obviously other people may use it as a tactic to cut contact so only you can decide which your friend is guilty of I am afraid. I would go with phoning to arrange things and see what happens from there to enable you to judge the situation more easily.

Original poster

Iloverusks · 03/10/2013 19:10

She's not a talker but a texter! I used to call and she wouldn't answer and then text me really late that night or early morning!

Hmmmmm I'm getting a sign here . . . .

OP posts:

celestialsquirrels · 03/10/2013 19:14

I do this. I'm a busy person. I work, I have kids, life is full. I don't feel obliged to answer things urgently just because someone has used a fast method of communicating. My life does not revolve around them. I am glad to get a reply from my friends when they can manage it and My friends are presumably the same. Otherwise they aren't really friends IMO.

Milkjug · 03/10/2013 20:13

I'm sure I've taken longer than five days to respond to texts. I agree they're not a suitable medium for chat. I use them only to check out arrival times, arrange suitable times to talk on the phone etc. My mobile is pretty much an 'emergency only' object, so I don't see it as a social medium. If you need an answer urgently phone her, and leave a message if she doesn't pick up.

Original poster

Iloverusks · 03/10/2013 20:14

Good to read responses. I should clarify that this is when questions are asked, something along the lines of;

Her - how are things with you etc,

Me - good I've been up to XYZ, DS is XYZ, how about you?"

Then a lack of response for a few days.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 03/10/2013 20:18

If I want to communicate for chatting I call. Texting isn't a conversation medium to me. If you call and she doesn't answer and seems to communicate through text by choice I don't see much effective interaction going on.

In any case I don't see conversational texts as something needing a speedy response.

KirstyJC · 03/10/2013 20:21

I often leave it days between texts as I forget. Unless it's ugent eg 'where are you we're just putting the kettle on' type texts, I will answer when I get around to it.

I would be really pissed off to get a follow up saying 'erm hello' - it makes you seem really needy and like your time is so important they have to drop everything to reply NOW because you want them to.

tbh, if I got that text, I would leave it unanswered on purpose.

Sorry, YABU.

CrapBag · 03/10/2013 20:25

YADNBU.

I think it is beyond rude to do this but I am in a minority. It doesn't take precious time to respond to a text, it takes far more time to sit and have a phone conversation (which I don't like anyway).

I have an ex friend who was like this. I just don't bother anymore. Her life was always so incredibly busy etc, always the same excuses. She found time for others though so I cut her. Suggest you do the same OP. She is no loss.

Tavv · 03/10/2013 20:28

There's no set amount of time in which you're meant to answer a text. I will often reply up to a week later. Not everyone is glued to their phone. Anything important probably wouldn't be discussed by text anyway.

Tavv · 03/10/2013 20:29

My mobile is pretty much an 'emergency only' object, so I don't see it as a social medium.

Exactly. Some people who can't live without their mobiles don't seem to recognise that it doesn't apply to everyone.

flatmum · 03/10/2013 20:30

You should get something more real time like whatsapp.

Mintyy · 03/10/2013 20:33

I am like this. I'm just not that attached to my mobile phone. It is flat at the moment, somewhere in the house, I don't know where and I can't phone it to find out. It will turn up in a day or two.

And I also think there is a danger that text conversations can never end ... such a chore.

londonrach · 03/10/2013 20:36

Yabvu. Text is a method of communication only. How do you know the text arrives. I often turn my mobile off and have been know to go holiday without it. Its a tool not an essential item. If you want an instant answer telephone or better still pop in and see your friend.

AmberDextrous · 03/10/2013 20:38

I love texting and ALWAYS reply.

I very busy and rarely have time for long phone calls but i can text or reply to FB messages on the go. I love both for keeping in contact - if they didn't exist I would prob not have the close contact I have with many that I really enjoy.

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