To think 5 days to reply to a txt message is really shitty?

[Iloverusks]

Especially when it just continues from the message I sent like the reply was immediately after, no explaination for the delay, it really pisses me off!

This friend in particular is my ex BFF (had a fallout very long story) and our contact is very sparse now. We'll have a mini text Convo where one of us will 'loosely' suggest meeting up and she will always take DAYS to reply. A few times I have text her saying "Erm hello!" and I'd get the rubbish "sorry I've been really busy" reply.

AIBU to just take the hint and cut contact?

[SatinSandals]

I hate texting. It may well take me a few days to even realise that I have had one.

[Jux]

My friend and I do this. It can take weeks to arrange to see each other as we are so lax about texts. Nevertheless, we love each other dearly. She has he hands full with two very ypung children; mine are full with studying, a v demanding dh, an older child, and constant illness.

Maybe friend is just busier than you are?

[Iloverusks]

Lol about Micheal McIntyre! I LOVE him!

I understand people are busy and in no way am I demanding an immediate reply. There are texts that are generic and not conversational which don't require a response at all ("Put it on don't tell the bride, so funny!" or "we should have drinks soon!" etc). If you receive one that is beginning a 'conversation' surely you would expect a response within a reasonable time frame? Otherwise don't message until you have time to respond properly.

As I said, if I was texting then got busy and forgot I would always state this when I eventually replied, so that person doesn't feel that my lack of response is because I am pissed off with them.

This person in particular is notorious for not having phone conversations so we always text. There have been plenty of times when she has not replied to a "are you free to pop over/meet up" and her delay has made me think she no longer wants to be friends, in those cases I've texted "hello!" and her replies are rather poor. I'm then annoyed she doesn't care enough to make the effort to reply and also that I drove myself mad thinking of all the readons why she hasn't replied.

Oh dear that turned into a bit of a rant!

Maybe it is just about the friend after all . . . .

[DorothyMantooth]

viva, I am currently staring at our landline phone which has '46' flashing ominously in red - been ignoring it for at least 6 weeks! I do sometimes have to listen to my mobile voicemails for work, and I find it very traumatic. Ick.

[VivaLeThrustBadger]

dorothy, I've never met anyone else who's the same!

We don't have an answer phone at home as I would feel quite panicky if I came home and there were messages. Would take me days to listen to them.

I really ought to work out how to turn my mobile answer phone off, the messages get deleted after something like 30 days of not been listened to. But I worry about them until they've gone.

[MollyHooper]

If she always takes days to reply then don't let it worry you.

You obviously haven't done anything to offend her, no need to reread. It's just her way.

[ArbitraryUsername]

I just don't see texts as a form of chat. It's far too much effort. Texts are for short exchanges of information. Phone me if you want to chat.

I often get texts but I'm busy and then I don't remember about them for ages. It's just another communicative drain on my resources, and I have more than enough to contend with keeping up with bloody email!

I have an aversion to voice mail too. I have not listened to a voice mail in at least 5 years. I have never actually activated it on my mobile. Sky put voicemail on our landline but I don't even know how to listen to them and I have no intention of finding out. Ever. People who actually know me know better than to leave a message.

I never leave messages for other people either. I'll phone back if I need to speak to them or send a text if it's just information for them.

Actually, I bloody hate my mobile phone. I wish I didn't have one. I hate the expectation that I should be contactable at all times.

[birdsnotbees]

This is me, sorry. Loads of reasons why, most already said, but basically it's not personal. If its a yes/no text I tend to respond quickly; if its more then I wait til I have a minute to reply properly but then forget: work, kids, etc. I feel terrible when I do remember though and always say sorry. I much prefer a phone call and for some reason am much better on Twitter! It sounds like with you, OP, that it's actually more about your friendship as a whole than a particular method of communication... ?

[Jinsei]

Surely the whole point of texting, unlike a phone call, is that the other person can respond at their convenience.

In my view, it is terribly rude to send a text with the expectation of an immediate response. The recipient may be busy with far more important priorities.

[DorothyMantooth]

viva, I also have a phobia of voicemails! I think I currently have about 25 new messages that I can't bring myself to listen to!

[DorothyMantooth]

I also do not often immediately reply to texts. Mostly I just forget, but I am with mintyy and feel really resentful of the demand that you be 24/7 available to everyone all the time.

I personally find it rude when you are actually with someone and they reply to texts from other people while you're talking to them. My ex BF was like this, and it's one of the major reasons we're not friends any more - she got really annoyed that I didn't always reply immediately to her texts (and apparently came up with 'excuses' for not replying, like - my phone died, I was at work, etc). She pulled me up on it a few times and in the end I got sick of it and very resentful. I on the other hand found it annoying that she would be contantly replying to texts while we were chatting, but I never told her. More fool me.

I think that mobile phones have made massive changes in the way we relate to each other, and unfortunately think it's not for the better. However I do appreciate that I'm a bit of a luddite.

[VivaLeThrustBadger]

I'm like this. But I can go days without looking at my mobile. I also never listen to my answer phone messages as I have a phobia of them.

[Oblomov]

I wouldn't be upset if someone takes done time to respond.

[Somethingtothinkabout]

I have an ex friend (a Wendy, as it happens) who used to text me ( during working hours, I might add) and when obviously) didn't reply straight away then I would finish work and find the same text sent 4 times. It would piss me off no end. I'd text back saying "you've just sent me that four times" and ignore the content of the text on purpose. She'd text back "oh I best call Orange, phone must be broken"

Unfortunately, I knew she was doing it on purpose as she used to complain her DP didn't reply quick enough and she said she'd just keep sending the same text until he did...

Annoying. If you want someone's undivided attention, meet up with them. Ironically, when I'd meet up with her, she'd spend half the time texting.

[HopeS01]

I totally sympathise, OP. My exBFF is exactly the same. I'm often asking myself whether I should just let the friendship go

[EmmaBemma]

I do this too. I'm sorry, I know it's rude. I just hate texting and unless its very urgent, I usually put it off until later, and then forget. Also I don't check my phone very much in the first place, so it's sometimes a day or more before I even see the text.

[PeppiNephrine]

Well I think its rude to demand answers to your messages. It's like a toddler jumping up and down shouting mammy three thousand times until you answer them.
needy sms'ers are so draining.

[CrapBag]

"Unless you need info quickly, because you're trying to organise something"

That is usually when I am texting though, when I am trying to sort something or I have asked a question. I only text a 'conversation' to people who don't live near and I don't see regularly, so yes I still think its rude.

[MrsKoala]

But it isn't like saying something to someones face CrapBag - nothing at all like it, there isn't the physical presence of that person to actively snub, there is no eye contact or body language, which is what would make that situation so much more rude. It's just a written message which you can choose to read at your leisure. It's not important enough for a phone call so you can answer when you can. And just because you send a txt doesn't mean it's been read. I often don't read my texts for a week. i have one friend who expects immediate responses and i often have a stream of increasingly abusive messages which will culminate in 'fuck you then, nice knowing you' or something ridiculous like that. I think it is a weird form of narcissism to think your message is more important than other things in that persons life. I am not glued to my phone (in fact neither DH or I have a mobile atm ) so find the obsession with them odd.

So from my perspective OP YABVU.

[IWantAnotherBaby]

Totally agree with the majority of replies here. Texting, for me, is a relaxed when-you-have-time thing. I don't usually reply immediately, unless it is very time-sensitive or I'm in the mood. Chatty conversational texts especially.

But many people are different. I was performing a smear test on a patient a few days ago when she received a text on her phone. She reached down to her bag, retrieved her phone, and texted back with speculum still in place - clearly for some people their phones come first!

[TheCountessOlenska]

I'm guilty of this, especially if it's just a chatty text i.e not to make a specific arrangement. So if someone texted me "Shall we meet at 1 or 2?" I'd text back straight away. If someone texted me a newsy message ending with "and how are things with you?" I'd wait until I had time to write a proper reply, and then most likely forget

Sorry, YABU

[Mintyy]

It is not rude. People choose not to answer their phone if they don't feel like it and they can bloody well choose not to answer a text if they don't feel like it!

What is this with demanding 24 hour access to everyone all the time? How incredibly entitled.

[homeagain]

I'd be pretty annoyed if someone took offence at me not replying as quickly as they think I should. How do you know they haven't lost their phone, for one thing? Unless you need info quickly, because you're trying to organise something, then I think you're taking offence too easily.

[VisualCharades]

yabu

[Tavv]

I don't think it's the same at all as ignoring a person who is actually in front of you. I am not my phone.

No-one's saying don't respond at all, just that a 24 hour "window" for a response is OTT and prescriptive. People are allowed to have their own space, and not everyone feels the need to be in daily text contact with their friends.