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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have lost my job.

36 replies

Caff2 · 29/09/2013 21:50

It's a major disaster. I have had to tell my childminder that until I get a new one (and I'm trying really hard, in tough circumstances) I cannot pay for childcare. She is understandably pissed off. But. I didn't want this to happen. It was sudden. We could lose our home, she's losing her pin money for kids' activities.
Our childminder is not registered, not OFSTED checked and cash in hand, a good family friend, which is how this arrangement came about, and I'm SORRY it's gone wrong with my work, but she's the least of my problems at the moment.

Aibu to have her low down my priority list for feeling awful about how losing my job has effected everyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
Caff2 · 29/09/2013 21:50

Affected, I meant.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 29/09/2013 21:52

What she is doing is illegal.

Original poster
Caff2 · 29/09/2013 21:53

Well me too, I guess, as this arrangement has suited us all until I lost my job.

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutcracker · 29/09/2013 21:54

It is illegal yes, but also wanted to say, how do you know her earnings are pin money for her kids activities ?

I used to childmind and my wages went on food and bills.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 29/09/2013 21:54

You owe her fuck all, it's stupid renting an agreement like that, be thankful it's you leaving her in the shit rather than the other way round.

Good luck job hunting.

bearleftmonkeyright · 29/09/2013 21:56

Childcare can be a massive obstacle when you are looking for work. I hope you get something soon. I would check out registered settings tbh, and check your position regarding tax credits.

sooperdooper · 29/09/2013 21:56

If you've lost your job YANBU to have more pressing issues than the childminder, are you ok? Do you have a DP who works?

Original poster
Caff2 · 29/09/2013 21:57

I know how she uses the money as, as I say, we are long term family friends. She's a great child minder. And a great mum. Sadly, I am now suddenly in a position whereby keeping a roof over our heads has to take priority somehow.

OP posts:
ILetHimKeep20Quid · 29/09/2013 21:58

If she was registered and proper she could have insurance to cover things like this. But she isn't so she doesn't and it isn't your problem.

LovesBeingOnHoliday · 29/09/2013 21:58

And so it should op

Original poster
Caff2 · 29/09/2013 22:02

It was a rant, I had a hard conversation with her. I just pray I'll get one of the jobs I'm applying for and we can get back on track.

OP posts:
mumofweeboys · 29/09/2013 22:48

She obviously isn't a very good friend, if the only thing she is worried about is that you don't need a childminder any more. If she is your friend surely she knows things are financially tight.

Amy106 · 29/09/2013 23:02

I hope things turn around for you soon and you find work. Good luck.

echt · 29/09/2013 23:10

I hope you get a job. And childminder who is registered, legal and insured.

pixiepotter · 29/09/2013 23:59

I am so sorry you have lost your job.Don't worry about your CM, you have enough worries of your own .I don't know where you live, but I have gone back to work after a 5 yr break and it was easy to find work.TRy writing on spectoemployers rather than just applying for jobs.Most jobs are never even advertised.

BillyBanter · 30/09/2013 00:09

As losing your job is unfortunate and something you need to deal with, no one else, so is her losing hers. That's life sometimes.

What does she want you to do? Pay her money you don't have for a service you no longer need?

BMW6 · 30/09/2013 07:52

WTF!! Sorry, but you have much bigger concerns than worrying about pissing off your illegal and tax evading CM, who is no friend to you if she is only concerned with the impact on her!!

PMDD · 30/09/2013 07:59

If you stop paying her, will she stop offering you childcare? Even if she is not registered and she is your friend, this is the deal that you (as 2 adults) decided upon. Therefore, if you don't pay, she doesn't have to provide childcare.

Will you find it difficult to get another job if you don't have childcare whilst you look?

Are you running the risk of getting a job but then she no longer wishes to have her pin money and doesn't want to do it anymore?

Val007 · 30/09/2013 08:07

Excuse me, do you owe money to this woman for services already provided? Because if you do, you have to pay! Otherwise you are considering becoming an asshole. Sorry.

Toadinthehole · 30/09/2013 08:08

YANBU to feel you've let your friend down. But YANBU to stop using her services as you have other priorities with your money. What alternative is there? Hope you get another job soon Cake.

Out of sheer interest, what's illegal about the arrangement? The cash? Lack of OFSTED check, lack of registration or all of those things?

LIZS · 30/09/2013 08:13

all those things plus not declaring income for tax/ni, no assessment as to suitability of her home , ratios etc. Anyone looking after children to whom they are not directly related in their own home should be registered. In fact op could be eligible for tax credits if she used registered childcare.

If you can't pay for the foreseeable then you can't expect her to look after your dc though or not find an alternative way of making up the income. This is likely to end the friendship so you may like it start looking for alternatives for when you get a job or interview.

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous · 30/09/2013 08:14

All of those things...

YourHandInMyHand · 30/09/2013 08:15

Do you mean you won't be paying her for care she has already done? If so that's rather unfair. If however you are paid up to date then I can see why you have had to say you can't continue the arrangement with no job of your own. You need to pay her anything she is owed though.

I hope you find a new job soon and that you find legal, official childcare. As well as her not being vetted, not being ofsted registered and inspected, no crb checks being done on her household, AND her not having the proper insurances (house, car and public liability), it is also a bad move to mix friends and business.

I agree with the poster who recommended contacting companies yourself rather than applying for jobs advertised. It shows initiative and I agree most jobs don't even get advertised.

northernlurker · 30/09/2013 08:17

If she'd registered as a childminder properly then she could simply be advertising for new children now. Of course that would involve effort on her part and paying tax so unlikely I guess.

I hope you find a new job soon OP. Please don't leave your dc with an unregistered person again.

Toadinthehole · 30/09/2013 09:03

I'm pretty certain that taking cash payments is legal. It is not declaring it in one's tax return that is illegal.

As for the OFSTED and registration, is it seriously the case that the law prohibits a perfectly convenient arrangement with, as the OP puts it, "a good family friend"? I am astonished.