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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask dp to stop drinking now I'm 35 weeks pregnant?

60 replies

Lj8893 · 24/09/2013 03:10

Basically that!

Well, not stop drinking but a 2 drink limit maybe.
He doesn't drive so its not for that reason but I really don't fancy a drunk birthing partner!!

He doesn't drink at home, but does go out maybe once or twice a week, sometimes just for a couple, sometimes for a skinful! Which is fine, but it would just be typical that when he's had a skinful will be when I go into labour. And like most people I suppose, once he's drunk he's not the best person for checking his phone!

So, 35 weeks about right or would you say later? Or would you say not at all?

I have briefly said it and got a yeah yeah course but I would feel better having a set date and drink limit iyswim. But at the same time if I'm being completely unreasonable I don't want to push it!

OP posts:

Newlywed2013 · 24/09/2013 03:16

If think this is perfectly reasonable! Good luck!

FoxyRoxy · 24/09/2013 03:28

Of course it's reasonable. My dh has a beer most evenings at home and I asked him not to drink from 35 weeks as he would be the one driving us to hospital. I think if we can manage 9 months then they can manage a few weeks!

Gullygirl · 24/09/2013 03:34

Perfectly reasonable.
Ds2 arrived at 35 weeks.

CharityFunDay · 24/09/2013 03:39

He doesn't drive so its not for that reason but I really don't fancy a drunk birthing partner!!

He doesn't drive? YABabitU. Banning him from drinking on the off-chance that he would be drunk in the delivery room is a bit harsh. And it's a fairly low probability anyway, when you consider that your baby has all the other hours in the week to arrive.

Of course, it's down to what you agree as a couple. In your situation I'd be telling him not to get rat-arsed, so he could be relatively compos mentis should the situation arise. Oh and get him to keep his phone on ring and vibrate, with the volume up high as it will go, so he's more likely to notice it.

calopene · 24/09/2013 03:52

Controlling and rather 'fish wifey'.

OliviaPope · 24/09/2013 04:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jackanory1978 · 24/09/2013 04:48

If he's not driving then I don't think he needs to stop totally; like you suggested a 2 drink limit.

Could you trust him to stick to 2 drinks though?

I don't think yabu, you'll have to give up a lot more alcohol, your pelvic floor, youthful looks etc to bring your baby into the world.

Sunnysummer · 24/09/2013 05:40

YANBU in my opinion - after all, it's most likely a long time since you had even that much, and if you're bfing it'll be a while longer yet.

I posted a similar question here while pg and got a bit of a flaming from a few people (partly deserved, but I still think not entirely!), so do be aware that there are plenty of people who have felt fine to have even heavy drinking up to the due date (one poster pointed out that labour takes a while, so DH would easily be sober by the actual delivery even if drunk earlier ), and that might be right for them. In the end you have to work out what is best for your own circumstances. Not so much help, but it does seem to be very individual! In my case I wish I had been bolshier about DH cutting down, DS arrived at 37 weeks and DH was still v hungover from a wedding the previous evening.

MinesAPintOfTea · 24/09/2013 05:55

YANBU Is your dm local? How would your dp react to her being on stand-by as replacement birth partner if he has had a few? Of he wants to be birth partner he needs to be available and sober because he's there to support you, not just observe.

Driz · 24/09/2013 06:06

How old is he? Is he underage?
Otherwise maybe you should just trust his judgement?

PoppyWearer · 24/09/2013 06:06

YANBU at all. DH and I had a similar agreement in place in the last weeks of both my pregnancies.

meganorks · 24/09/2013 06:26

Seems a bit early to me. Babies do come early but not that early very often. Not sure a 2 drink limit is necessary either if not driving. How about just a simple 'dont get shit faced' or maybe 3 or 4 drinks.

Babies also come late - dp would have had a 7 week wait for more than 2 drinks!

Original poster

Lj8893 · 24/09/2013 06:46

Thanks all. Seems most people think its ok.
Don't know what is fish wifey about it, I'm hardly screaming at him about it

Also, don't know what his age has to do with it and of course he's not underage, what an odd thing to say!!

He does drive, but we don't own a car, so he's not currently driving and won't be driving us to the hospital.

3 or 4 drinks.......since he drinks pints, 4 seems quite alot, certainly its that point where judgement and sobriety starts to go out the window, for my dp anyway!!

Well, I at least feel better about having a proper discussion with dp about it, and see what we come to an agreement with. Thanks

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 24/09/2013 06:50

Can you ask him what he wants to suggest? The issue of unreasonableness only arises if one of you is trying to impose drunkenness or sobriety on the other. Is he not grown up enough to discuss, listen and make a decision?

TiredDog · 24/09/2013 06:54

And when the baby is born? If you feel his sobriety is affected enough and frequently enough to risk being a useless birthing partner then what sort of father is he going to make?

TiredDog · 24/09/2013 06:56

Either you're banning all drink (unreasonable) or asking him not to be rat arsed every evening (reasonable)

If its the latter tbh you won't change him.

TiredDog · 24/09/2013 06:56

Should have read Even if its the latter...

Original poster

Lj8893 · 24/09/2013 07:02

He is very much set on the fact that when the baby is here, his drinking days become very much an occasional thing, so I'm not worried about that in the slightest.

I hadnt even thought about asking him to abstain before the baby was here until a couple weeks ago when he was very merry (he's not a bad drunk at all, just becomes a bit childish and not what I need when I'm in labour!!) and I was trying to get hold of him and couldn't and it dawned on me that we would be screwed if I was in labour!

I just didn't know what was acceptable to ask of him, and what other people tended to do.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 24/09/2013 07:08

You can't tell another adult what to do. You make Ho. Stop for 5 weeks before and then for god knows how long afterwards I'm assuming?

No the Vs would be flicked. Controlling doesn't bode well imo. Let him make his own judgements because really if you can't trust him and impose sanctions on him for more than a month before d day.. why are you having babies with him?

karinmaria · 24/09/2013 07:13

Don't understand why some posters have been a bit weird about this, calling you a fishwife etc. You've not said you're going to tell him to stop drinking, you've asked if it's reasonable to ASK and DISCUSS this with him as you're now heavily pregnant.

My DH voluntarily stopped drinking when I was officially at full term. I had brought it up earlier as he'd most likely be driving and he'd said he agreed, would stick to one or two drinks only and had been thinking about it already. I'd imagine that is how your conversation will go!

Original poster

Lj8893 · 24/09/2013 07:13

I never said I was going to be telling him to do anything.
Asking and having a discussion with him about it is completely different to telling him to do something.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lj8893 · 24/09/2013 07:15

Thankyou karin for reading my OP properly! Yes, I think that is exactly how our conversation will go to be honest, thinking about it now I'm certain he is already thinking about cutting it right down now or soon.

OP posts:

sparklekitty · 24/09/2013 07:15

I ended up in hospital at 34 weeks with a bleed/possible early labour. My poor DH was in London hammered at a stag do, he had to get the train home and my mum get him from the station.

Luckily he acted sober enough to get onto the ward! I went to 40 weeks but he didn't drink after that! Poor guy was scared witless!

DidoTheDodo · 24/09/2013 07:16

Crumbs....this never crossed my mind when I had my offspring.
In my experience labour takes so long he'd have plenty of time to sober up - as long as he wasn't completely blotto in the first place.

But it isn't something I would have asked of my H, especially 5 weeks before my due date.

ModeratelyObvious · 24/09/2013 07:17

YANBU.

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