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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up on breastfeeding

65 replies

Humiliated1 · 03/08/2013 19:27

My DS is 7 months old and I am feeling increasingly uncomfortable BF him at my in laws, my MIL has made it clear she thinks its a bit perverse and that he will be perverted by it and my FIL just wants to know when I'm going to move on to 'proper' milk. I know they're wrong but am just so worn down by it all

OP posts:
Fancies40Winks · 03/08/2013 19:29

Can't you give up on your crappy in-laws instead?

Original poster
Humiliated1 · 03/08/2013 19:30

Oh how I wish..

OP posts:
CheeseFondueRocks · 03/08/2013 19:31

YABU to give up because of you in-laws!

If you want to stop for yourself, fine but don't do it because these idiots are stupid and ignorant. Just don't go there anymore.

Fancies40Winks · 03/08/2013 19:31

Do you live with them? Otherwise I would just avoid them. Feeding your baby is the most natural thing in the world, they're the ones with the issue.

Fairylea · 03/08/2013 19:32

I never breastfed but the problem here is not breastfeeding it's your inlaws! How rude of them!

I'd not be going round again.

JackieTheFart · 03/08/2013 19:33

Like Cheese said, YABU to give up because of them!

My MIL always tried to very gently suggest DS3 breastfeeding should 'stop soon' - I ended up doing it till he was about 15 months, only bedtime feeds from about 12 months.

I find a blank stare and and incredulous 'he's a baby' works quite well if anything negative is said!

Famzilla · 03/08/2013 19:34

YABVU to put your IL's ridiculous, ignorant and wrong prejudices above the health of your child. Tell them to fuck the fuck off, and when they get there fuck off again.

Unless you want to quit, then do what you want.

pointythings · 03/08/2013 19:34

YANBU to be upset, but YWBU to give up something that is so good for your baby just because your ILs are ignorant twats. I'd just tell them very firmly 'my baby, my way'. Your OH needs to stand up for you as well.

Dackyduddles · 03/08/2013 19:35

Do you want to stop? Truly?

If so great.

If not tell them to back OFF

beepoff · 03/08/2013 19:37

Your in laws are fools. It's your duty to re-educate them by feeding your son as long as you'd like. In fact I'd do it to make THEM feel uncomfortable.

Winter123 · 03/08/2013 19:39

Famzilla, very eloquently put! That's what I would say!

Don't let someone else dictate when you should stop breast feeding your baby! It's your baby, your choice.

And what do they mean by proper milk?!

OHforDUCKScake · 03/08/2013 19:44

There was a photo doing the rounds on facebook with a tiny monkey feeding from its mum. Underneath it said "my mums friend told her to put me on zebra milk."

Ridiculous but absolutely no different from what your in laws are expecting of you.

I would simply not feed in front of them. If you are pressured to see the, often and can truly not change that, then go upstairs away from them and feed the baby, dont even tell them what you are doing.

Honestly, I think you would BU to stop something that is utterly perfect and amazing for your babys body, system, immunity, gut, brain and more besides, just because your in laws are uneducated tossers.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 03/08/2013 19:46

I could have written this exact post 6 years ago (god I feel old now!). When I was breastfeeding DD my in laws made lot of horrible comments. They insinuated I was starving her (despite her being perfect weight for length) as I didn't know exactly how many Ounces of milk she was having. They said I was ruining her relationship with her Daddy. etc.
I learned that when I stopped listening to the comments (just said "If you say so" to all they said) the comments slowed down and stopped.
I am glad I didn't let them put me off. I breastfed till DD was 2 years old in the end (as that was when we were both ready to stop).
With DS there were very few comments about how I chose to feed him. I think they realised that despite my insistence on breastfeeding DD is a Daddy's girl, and therefore their thinking was flawed.

Please don't let their comments put you off. You should feed for as long as you want to.
Good Luck xx

FrogsGoWhat · 03/08/2013 19:47

Yeah absolutely right to give your son milk from another species - a herbivorous, not very intelligent species at that - rather than his own species milk, just because it makes 2 people uncomfortable.

Give up if you want to - for you - NOT for them!

RappyNash · 03/08/2013 19:48

If I had in laws like that I'd feed my dc for as long as possible just to piss them off.

Do you want to stop?

Original poster
Humiliated1 · 03/08/2013 19:49

I don't want to stop but we are around them a lot of the time and it is wearing, I'm quite shy so find the constant reference to it being somehow wrong v embarrassing. I'm always discreet when I do it and I think 'proper' milk is formula

OP posts:
DontSweatTheSmallStuff · 03/08/2013 19:51

Just tell FIL straight. "He's on proper milk now"
For MIL , rolling eyes and saying""don't be ridiculous"

both to be said in tone of voice that suggests they have just said something incredibly stupid (which they have)

Failing that, what Famzilla suggested Grin

Original poster
Humiliated1 · 03/08/2013 19:53

I am laughing picturing their faces if I told them to fuck the fuck off

OP posts:
AidanTheRevengeNinja · 03/08/2013 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Winter123 · 03/08/2013 19:54

OP, I don't mean to be rude about your in laws but I think they are very poorly educated to think formula milk is proper milk for a baby. I think they are being very very rude to you and it's borderline bullying. If you feel you cant talk to them, could you ask DH to talk to them and explain how uncomfortable it's making you?

Jan49 · 03/08/2013 19:54

Do you have a partner? Can he talk to them about it?

pianodoodle · 03/08/2013 19:54

If you wanted to stop fine but don't let yourself be worn down by what other people think. If you stop because of their pressure you could eventually feel very resentful about it.

Perverse my arse. Proper milk my arse. I carried on with bf for 18 months and have friends who did for much longer. Never had to spend a penny on formula as just started introducing a wee cup of whole milk here and there when DD turned one and gradually replaced some nurses.

I'd ignore them completely and do whatever you feel happy with!

mrslyman · 03/08/2013 19:55

How often do you go to your in-laws at 7 months you may well be coming to the stage where you can organise a visit around feeds which may make life a little easier.

Other than that respond to their comments, with a pinch o her chubby thighs and a sarcastic yes she's clearly starving comment and then just look puzzled at suggestions you need to use proper milk, because you are using proper milk.

Easier said than done though I basically gave up feeding both DSes in front of people after about 6 months.

AidanTheRevengeNinja · 03/08/2013 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KirjavaTheCat · 03/08/2013 19:58

Does he even take a bottle? I tried to give DS a bottle of expressed at that age and he point blank refused.