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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a babysitter not to be drunk when we get home...

63 replies

Sticklebug · 31/07/2013 20:21

Ok, I have delayed all day posting this as I may be being unreasonable.

We have a usual babysitter (aged 17) who babysits for us on a regular basis, but she is on holiday this week. I asked a good friend with children the same age as ours to babysit last nigh so we could go out on DH's birthday. Her DH birthday is tomorrow, so I am reciprocating by babysitting for them.

So... said friend turns up last night with a large bag - first to come out is a pari of slippers - good idea, our house is really cold. Second to come out is a bottle of red wine...ok, fine to have a glass of wine on a Tuesday night. Cue me showing where wine glasses stored and joking about needing a glass mid week on occasion.

We went out and had a lovely evening, really good food, some wine.

We got home and friend was asleep on the sofa - fine, it was 10.30 and late for me! She was really hard to rouse though and then we noticed the empty wine bottle...she had drink an entire bottle of wine in just over 2 hours...whilst in charge of someone elses children!

She shuffled to her feet and left in a hurry (lives 3 doors up so no driving), leaving us a bit unsure of how we fell about this.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Squitten · 31/07/2013 20:22

I would not be happy about that at all. Don't ask her again!

kinkyfuckery · 31/07/2013 20:24

YABU....

Only j/k of course YANBU! Why do you even have to ask?

Was she actually drunk though?

Bowlersarm · 31/07/2013 20:25

Yes it does sound a bit much. Obviously there's nothing you can do about it after the event, but I don't think i would ask her again.

You say she is a good friend so do you think this is out of character?

MrsMangoBiscuit · 31/07/2013 20:28

Turn up to hers with a bag with slippers, a bottle of gin, and a straw. Take a picture of her face and post it! Grin

maja00 · 31/07/2013 20:32

I don't know, how old are your children? If babies/toddlers then totally out of order - if 10+ then not so much.

NatashaBee · 31/07/2013 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/07/2013 20:36

Depends on age of children.

Original poster
Sticklebug · 31/07/2013 20:49

My children are 9 and 11.

She was proper drunk.

It is a bit out of character. She has babysat for us before and I have noticed her bringing her own before. She has a bit of a reputation for getting really drunk at weekend gatherings (ie a bit of a binge drinker), but I was really surprised at a full bottle and how hard she was to wake up when we got home.

on one hand it is really not an issue as my 2 never wake once they are asleep - and she knows this - on the other hand, I was shocked that she would think that this was acceptable as a babysit...

OP posts:
GW297 · 31/07/2013 20:53

Don't ask her again.

dietcokeandwine · 31/07/2013 21:03

The thing is OP - it IS an issue even if your children never wake once they are asleep -what if there was a fire, or a break in?

I wouldn't ask her again either. A glass yes, a bottle no!

Original poster
Sticklebug · 31/07/2013 21:08

Thanks Diet, that is how I feel. It is the "what if'

OP posts:
itsonlysubterfuge · 31/07/2013 21:08

I would not let my babysitter drink period. So I don't think you are being unreasonable.

deleted203 · 31/07/2013 21:08

I'd be pissed off - and as she is a good friend I would be telling her so, frankly. It is not appropriate to be so drunk you are practically comatose whilst looking after someone else's children. As diet says - what would have happened in an emergency?

AvonCallingBarksdale · 31/07/2013 21:14

I would actually be quite upset if a friend did this to me. 9 and 11 isn't that old. I would probably need to speak to her, otherwise it would just be "there" IYSWIM. I definitely wouldn't have her to babysit again!

Original poster
Sticklebug · 31/07/2013 21:17

I am babysitting for her tomorrow and plan to turn up with a can of lemonade and raise the conversation that way -
'I am a bit surprised at how much wine you drank at ours on Tuesday night' type approach

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 31/07/2013 21:21

I'm not sure I'd bring it up

She'll probably get belligerent & defensive especially if she has a problem

I'd just not ask her again

Only bring it up if she's a good enough friend that your worried about & think needs help

aturtlenamedmack · 31/07/2013 21:21

If you aren't going to ask her again the I don't think you need to raise it with her.
It was too much but if she won't be taking charge of your children again then I'm not sure you need to discuss the amount that she drinks.

Original poster
Sticklebug · 31/07/2013 21:31

Thanks for the advice.

My initial concern was for my children, but actually - a bottle of wine on a week night - is that normal?

I am so knackered at the end of the day that a single glass knocks me out. I would not consider taking along my own supplies to a babysit...

She is a very close friend, so my concern more is for her...

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 31/07/2013 22:18

I can drink a bottle of wine on a week night on occasion. Not on my own though and certainly not when I'm responsible for somebody else's children.

Yanbu

WilsonFrickett · 31/07/2013 23:16

Actually I am surprising myself here by saying YANBU. I like a drink and can easily drink a bottle of wine on a weekend night, or indeed a night where I don't have to drive/be up very early next morning. But I don't think it's rig to drink that much when you are looking after other peoples children.

And it would take me a lot longer than 2 hours as well - that suggests she necked it really fast, which is a worrying characteristic IMO.

But would I say anything? I think not, unless you have that kind of relationship, ie proper friendship rather than neighbours/chat that kind of thing. However I would not have her babysit again.

bellablot · 31/07/2013 23:24

Taking the piss, what if something had happened!? A bottle of wine on a Tue, is it just me or is this just excessive!? Each to their own and all that but not when in charge of my kids. YADNBU.

TallGiraffe · 01/08/2013 02:25

YANBU - I would be worried about someone who thought it was ok to do this. Is she having a tough time at the moment? Wouldn't let her babysit again though!

garlicagain · 01/08/2013 02:37

YY, she was in the wrong. But I see what else you've said about her drinking and your concern for her ... which makes me think, if she's an habitual drinker, one bottle of wine doesn't seem much to have knocked her out iyswim? In my big-drinking days, a bottle of wine wouldn't even make a dent. Have you checked your booze cupboard to see if she padded it up with something of yours?

It's always a tricky thing to raise with someone who's starting to depend on alcohol to sleep/relax/take a pain away. If you're close, maybe you could have a chat about her troubles and what, exactly, she's using to cope. Could she be mixing it with sedatives or pain meds??

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 01/08/2013 02:38

A bottle of wine on your own, on a weeknight, over two hours, is fairly dedicated drinking, to put it mildly. I also wonder, given that she was asleep, and hard to rouse, whether she'd already had a glass or two before coming over.

That, combined with the fact that she's already 'known' to drink on weekends, points to someone with a significant drinking problem, to me. She drinks heavily at 'allowed' events like weekends/parties. She drinks a bottle of wine or more alone on a weeknight. She drinks when she's babysitting friend's children. She brings her own regularly, which is the mark of someone who gets anxious at the idea that there won't be 'enough' alcohol to go around.

OP, your friend has a drinking problem, and she's probably in denial about it but it's definitely a significant problem if she's overstepping social norms this regularly and to this extent.

everlong · 01/08/2013 04:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.